Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Broken. He's having an affair.

(28 Posts)
RollerCola Sun 22-Sep-13 10:19:24

I've posted a few times about splitting up with h in July but him not wanting to leave the house. He finally leaves tomorrow.

There's been lots of talk about us both being unhappy & wanting to do the best for kids. I'd agreed to split the house 50/50 & I was going to try & raise a massive £50k to buy him out & stay in the family home. We agreed to keep it out of the courts for cost reasons.

Today I've found out he's having an affair. I want to kill him, and then myself.

Help me please.

RollerCola Thu 26-Sep-13 09:16:59

Thanks pirate, I felt quite strong & in control but when I found this out... Bam it knocked me right off my feet. It's feels good just knowing that I feel ok again iykwim.

It's hard telling people about it irl though. I think I've built a hard shell around me & I only tell people we've separated when I've got my emotions under control, but then they get upset hmm. It's hard to watch.

FrancescaBell Thu 26-Sep-13 15:29:57

I keep seeing 'affair' threads from posters who were on a thread a while ago about how to live with their partner's depression. You were on a thread like that weren't you OP? Don't worry, I'm not stalking you, I just have a memory for names!! grin

I know myself and a couple of other posters raised the 'affair' alarm on a thread like that, but it was frustrating tbh because we kept getting shouted down by the 'you don't understand depression, it's an illness, don't fill the OP's head with thoughts of an affair' brigade, so I think I posted once and gave up blush.

Maybe I should have persevered?

I'm so sorry you've had such a kick in the teeth, especially if my memory's right and you were one of the posters who was having to put up with a husband who kept pulling the depression card when he was having an affair all along. Hope your anger comes through.

You could be a force for the good on other people's threads though. If enough people are saying 'it might not be depression/he might be depressed and unfaithful' then it might balance out the ones who are constantly urging women to make allowances for lying toads.

RollerCola Thu 26-Sep-13 16:26:03

Thanks Francesca, yes I have posted before thinking he was depressed. Over the years I've made no end of excuses for his behaviour because the alternative was to accept that it was all over which I wasn't prepared to do.

He may or may not be depressed. But it seems that that's a separate issue to the current one which is simply that he is a Grade-A Twat who has behaved like an entitled idiot.

I know many people probably saw it coming even though I didn't, but you really need to come to some acceptance in your own head before you see it.

Ah well, I've learnt a very hard lesson, but it's taught me a lot & I'll move on with a slightly more wary attitude rather than being so accepting.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now