Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

how would u feel?

(13 Posts)
mrshectic Fri 20-Sep-13 16:43:31

Need opinions. I know there are varying opinions on porn, etc. but how would you feel if you're husband were having wet dreams that involved other people than yourself? Not real women, just other women. And if ur relationship want great anyway, had a real shit time over the last 2 yrs or so?

Had also been known to lie about watching porn, which I don't mind when out involves us both....but he knows I hate it for him to do alone.

Am I being unreasonable to be hurt by this? And over sensitive?

Yougotbale Fri 20-Sep-13 16:53:03

He can't control his dreams. Totally unreasonable on that one.
Porn is up to you two. I wouldnt get jealous over porn. If it impacts your love life then maybe. However, you don't want to control someone.
Why don't you like him watching it without you?

meditrina Fri 20-Sep-13 16:56:03

Wet dream? You mean when he's actually asleep?

You can't control your dreams or any physiological reaction to them. As this isn't under voluntary control, then no it wouldn't bother me.

What might bother me though, in your shoes, is why DH was telling me about them and in what terms he was doing so.

And I note you say that your relationship has been 'shit' for a couple of years. I suspect your focus on wet dreams is misplaced. What else has been going on?

gamerchick Fri 20-Sep-13 16:57:00

Dreams you can't help so getting on his case won't help. You can't control inside his subconscious.

Porn is Personal But it doesn't bother me.

DuelingFanjo Fri 20-Sep-13 16:57:09

Why does he tell you his dreams? Is he trying to deliberately hurt you? If so then that's a bit shitty.

KatyTheCleaningLady Fri 20-Sep-13 16:57:18

How would I know what he's dreaming about?

Boosterseat Fri 20-Sep-13 16:57:26

Can i ask how you know what he is dreaming about? If i had a steamy dream about another man Mads Mikkelsen I wouldn't be telling DH all about it.

I have more respect.

Boosterseat Fri 20-Sep-13 16:57:42

crikey cross posts there

sooperdooper Fri 20-Sep-13 16:59:52

If it's an actual dream then it's crazy to be angry at him, we can't control our dreams, I've had dreams about all sorts of people!!

mrshectic Fri 20-Sep-13 17:25:13

I'm being slightly mis understood here. I'm not angry at all, just feel sad and low in myself about him dreaming about having sex with other women. I know they're dreams, and I can understand about famous people that are in the media etc....but any normal woman. Our sex life has been rubbish over the last yr, we're having major problems through him suffering with depression, which had taken its toll on all of us as a family.

It did happen during an argument, he said will he wasn't likely to be dreaming about me because I'm such a horrible person. Yes I'm sure he didn't mean it, but I can't just cut the nasty things he's says about me out of my head. And to be honest it makes me feel that I'm not sexually attractive.

I know that most of you well think I'm being stupid, but hey...just wanted opinions, so I could see if I am over reacting and may be getting slightly post natal.

Yougotbale Fri 20-Sep-13 17:30:55

This is now a completely different post. My comment was based on what info you gave in original post. I'm sure wiser and experienced people will help you with the relationship advise.

FrancescaBell Fri 20-Sep-13 17:32:33

Right, so he's a secret porn hound who's rubbish in bed, has semen incontinence while asleep and tells you he isn't dreaming of you because you're such a horrible person?

I don't think you're stupid. I think you're living with a loser and you might be better with someone else or on your own.

TwoStepsBeyond Fri 20-Sep-13 18:09:57

I agree that its one thing to dream about someone else (totally out of his control, even with the 'wet' element!) but its quite another to tell you about it and then insult you further by saying you're too horrible for him to fantasise about.

He is an insensitive arse at best (unless he thinks that by using porn instead of expecting sex with you too soon, he is doing you a favour?)

As a one-off I would probably stew about it and be upset but accept that we all say things in the heat of the moment that we regret. However, if he hasn't apologised sufficiently and it is part of a bigger pattern of problems, not good.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now