Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Can't believe he's doing this!

(379 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

AuchAyethenoo Wed 18-Sep-13 09:26:16

I posted a last week about some financial issues I'm having with my dp, basically he works full time on a decent wage, I receive CTC, cb and maintenance for my eldest dc. I pay half of all the bills, mortgage etc plus buy all of the food and all of the children's clothes, activities etc, etc. This has, of course, caused major stress for me to the point that my mum takes me food shopping just to ensure we have food in the house for my children.

Yesterday he comes home telling me he has just found out his brother (9 years old) has rattled up a £700 bill on his x-box on his mothers credit card. That she has no money at all now. MIL is on benefits, I suggested she could contact DWP to apply for a loan for food and essentials and perhaps speak to her sons father to arrange buying food for them.

I've now found out that dp has given his mum about £300. I don't grudge his mum help for food, but what I am struggling with is that he has no issue giving his mum money but never has any to give to me for our children.

PissesGlitter Sun 22-Sep-13 18:19:45

Could you let us know what area you are in
Someone may be able to help

MissStrawberry Sun 22-Sep-13 18:21:37

Call 999 and hang up but I am not sure if they would come round and or just call back which could be dangerous.

I just feel so sad that people are living in fear like this sad.

PM someone on here you trust your address and they will help you.

Darkesteyes Sun 22-Sep-13 18:29:15

Oh Christ hes escalating at an alarming rate isnt he? Please just grab your kids and go next time he goes for a crap like others have said. So sad for what you are going through.

nkf Sun 22-Sep-13 18:31:32

Won't the kids go to school tomorrow? Won't you take them or pick them up? Or once you've dropped them off, can't you make arrangements? Get a new phone? Make a call. Ask to borrow a phone from a parent. I can't work out from your posts what it is you intend to do, but maybe it's better not to post that on here. Good luck.

Snazzyenjoyingsummer Sun 22-Sep-13 18:31:38

Text your mum and ask her to call the police and get them to come to the house. Check whether he has locked the doors if you can without him noticing. If he hasn't then walk straight out next time he is upstairs or in the bathroom. Don't wait any longer.

facedontfit Sun 22-Sep-13 18:31:55

It's difficult for Auch to just grab the kids and go because she doesn't drive. Can you give us an idea where you are?

Snazzyenjoyingsummer Sun 22-Sep-13 18:35:07

Go to a nearby house then and ask if you can ring the police, or your mum or a friend from there.

WafflyVersatile Sun 22-Sep-13 18:38:06

When LOs call 999 police accidentally they tend to call round to the house. IME.
Pm one or all of us with address and the police will be called.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Sun 22-Sep-13 18:38:18


This is why the OP must pull the cord out. The rules on dropped 999 calls are rigid: if they can't call back, the police have to attend.

MissStrawberry Sun 22-Sep-13 18:41:20

I am worried he is reading this.

Op do you feel it would be prudent to tell school there are difficulties and he is not allowed to take the children? Are they his?

perfectstorm Sun 22-Sep-13 18:45:18

We're in the Cotswolds. If you need to leave and need help to do it, and I'm local, PM me.

I can't be the only MN who would gladly turn up on your doorstep if need be. 6 ft 3 DH in tow.

GuybrushThreepwoodMP Sun 22-Sep-13 18:46:47

Is there anyone nearby that you can contact? I'm frightened for you. He found out you called a refuge and immediately took two weeks off work and cut you off from the world.
If you have no way to contact the outside world, suggest a shopping trip tomorrow. If he insists on coming with you, you can still seek help from someone. Just scream for help in the middle if Tesco if you have to, anything. He won't do anything while you're in public.
Please find a way out Auch.

KatyTheCleaningLady Sun 22-Sep-13 18:46:55

The kids are his. She said so in her other thread.

expatinscotland Sun 22-Sep-13 18:51:10

At least one of them is not his.

expatinscotland Sun 22-Sep-13 18:51:57

I would get them to ring their father.

Viviennemary Sun 22-Sep-13 19:04:06

I didn't read the last few posts. This is a very frightening situation. I'm sure it is a criminal offence to take somebody's passport. This is very alarming to everyone.

poppingin1 Sun 22-Sep-13 19:08:12

1. Leave now and go to your mothers.
2. Call the school/s tomorrow morning and tell them you are having problems at home and you are now the only one allowed to pick children up or contact them during school hours.
3. Call the police and explain situation and that you have contacted Women's Aid and could they send someone to escort you to retrieve your valuable belongings from the home as you are scared and vulnerable, they will try their best to do so, I have had help like that before from the police before.
4. Contact local council and start seeking financial help and help in finding accommodation, there are options for you and it is not as daunting as it seems.

BabylonReturns Sun 22-Sep-13 19:09:24

If you have the ipod still, can you use the message facility on it? I'll PM you again with my email address, just in case you're trying to text but can't etc x

I really hope you're safe Auch

Keep posting when you can, as long as its not putting you in danger.

MissStrawberry Sun 22-Sep-13 19:34:20

I think you can email the police if you need help

fuzzywuzzy Sun 22-Sep-13 19:37:17

message someone your address op so we can contact the police for you.

PeanutPatty Sun 22-Sep-13 19:40:26

Auch - call 999 and pull the line out. PLEASE.

Hegsy Sun 22-Sep-13 19:53:06

Hope your ok such. As I said before I'm in central belt and will help anyway I can

roughtyping Sun 22-Sep-13 19:57:24

Auch, keeping fingers crossed for you. Please please get out as soon as you can - 'things' like passports can be replaced. I keep thinking of you, I am near Glasgow if it's any help at all.x

Lweji Sun 22-Sep-13 20:00:59

What everyone else has said.

Just get out.

Get the police or the neighbours or when he's away from the door.

honey86 Sun 22-Sep-13 20:12:57

been watching this thread with horror sad

i hope u get out asap auch.thanks lots of lovely peeps on here ready to help, take it if u can.

what a complete creep x

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now