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Moving back to uni after a bad break up?(16 Posts)
Ok so I'm a 3rd year uni student, I recently split from my DP of 10 months however I found it really hard, I still have feelings for him but I know that we can't be together and that it's over.
We spent most of last year (both in our 2nd years) living together in a house with his friends, and that was also the plan for this year however since we have broken up I have no where to live. The room was in his name, so it's his.
I live 1.5 hour commute away from uni, so my dilemma is this.
Should I stay at home and commute or should I bite the bullet and get a room in a house with people that I don't know (did this for my 1st year, worked quite well)
I want to move on and make new friends and I can't really do that at home as I live in the middle of no where, there is no chance of me meeting new people or having an active night life from home. However I have considered getting a job in a bar so that I may meet people there.
I go to uni in Huddersfield, now the pros of moving there are that I will meet new people, and I can continue to have an active nightlife whilst there with some current friends (and hopefully new ones.)
However, when I last visited Hudd I found it really, really hard because there were so many memories tied there from me and my ex.
If I do take the risk then there is a chance of it going horribly wrong, ie. I may not like the people that I live with, or I may feel very alone and isolated (away from close family) in a town that I used to live in with my ex.
So basically, what you you guys do? Take the plunge and risk it going horribly wrong or would you stay at home where things are stagnant, not have a nightlife but work in a bar and hope to meet people there?
Move into a shared house and make new happy memories!
Well, you'll have to come in to Hudd most days anyway for tutorials etc, wont you, so there's no escaping the memories. Might as well get a room in a shared place (preferably not in the same street/area as ex) - at least you'll have company, a bit of noise & life around you, and you're 'on hand' for invites to social things - not the case if you're living 1.5 hours away. You'll recover, it's hard but it will become part of your past and hurt less.
Hi Stellar, I am now in my early 30's married with a baby boy but I did go to uni and therefore think I may be able to offer some advice. My situation wasn't exactly the same as yours as you clearly met your DP at uni but when I went off to uni I was already in a long term relationship with someone (actually from the age of 16, he was my first love) and I based most of my decisions around him, including where to go to uni. I chose to not go too far away so that I could come home on a Friday for weekends with him etc and he would come up after work on the train to see me during the week. We ended up splitting up in my final year and I was devastated, but by this point I had already moved back home in my second year to be with him more and had a commute each day for lectures. Looking back, I regretted this as I feel that I missed out on much of uni life and the uni experience. Fortunately I left uni with a good 2.1 and went on to do a Masters but I felt quite isolated after I split from my boyfriend at the time and when I was living at home going into uni and home every day. If I had lived there I would have made more friends and made more of a life for myself at uni. My personal opinion would be to get yourself somewhere new to live at uni and you'll have no problems meeting new people. You will make new friends as that is all part of uni and you might even meet a new boyfriend in time. I know you are I your third year but make the most of it is what I'd say. You can go back he after your degree. Friends back home stay your friends no matter what. I was also going to say, are you sure it is definitely over with your DP? I hope it all works out for you. Do let me know what you decide, it is your decision at the end of the day of course.
Sorry, meant to say you can go back home after your degree. I agree with what others have said above, make new good memories.
Break ups are hard, so I really don't want to sound mean. So please take this in a kind way!
But... It was 10 months. Where are YOUR friends in Hudd, your memories that don't involve him?
You can't write off a whole town because you went out with someone.
It sounds like you maybe totally immersed yourself in this relationship, and that's never a good thing.
Get a shared place in Hudd - and get on with living YOUR life!
Completely agree with Cabrinha- 10 months isn't that long (And also not meant in a bad way) but you will get over him and by moving into a new place and meeting new people it will massively help you to do this.
Thanks for the responses everyone! I do think that it's what I want to do, I guess I'm just worried that I might feel suffocated by it all. I don't want to sit in my room crying wondering what I have done, but at the same time I don't want my uni life to pass me by.
Walk, you are right. I'll have to be in Hudd a lot anyway so I suppose that living there won't make too much of a difference in the grand scheme of things!
Mrsm, thank you. Sadly it is over between me and my Dp, I loved him but he didn't love me and was abusive, verbally and then hints of physical so I ended it. It hurts because I'm mourning for what I thought he was and not what he is, although sadly we have all of the same classes this year so I'll be seeing a lot of him.
Cabrinha you're right, it wasn't so much the time (was in a 2 year relationship previously) it was because it was so draining, and sadly I did get too immersed in it because we lived together during uni time. Bad move there!
When you see him don't think about what you have lost in terms of the life you thought you might have. Readjust your thought to what your life would have been like if you had stayed with the real him (the relationship board will give you an idea of what it's like to live years down the line with an emotionally and physically abusive twat!). Then take a deep breath and smile a sigh of relief
If you haven't already, definitely move to Huddersfield and get a job in Bar. I went there and worked throughout uni in a bar and made the best friends ever. I don't even really see my old course friends anymore but see my old bar friends a few times a month for meet ups even though we've all moved on to different places.
I think meeting new people will be so much better for you than just moping about at home.
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