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Xp moved himself back in!!!!!! Advice please!

(154 Posts)
mammadiggingdeep Mon 16-Sep-13 10:21:27

Cannot believe this. He's been gone nearly 7 months.....shitty behaviour since dd1 was born 3 years ago. Lack of affection, stonewalling, moody, unreasonable etc etc. I was a mug, took it all and tried to make things better. In march I discovered he'd been cheating and something in me clicked. I asked him to leave and he went.

We own the house together, it's in the middle of being renovated (by him). Since then he has virtually stopped doing anything to the house but was coming a bit to do bits in the first few months. He's continued paying half the mortgage payments.

Anyway, yesterday when I came home from being out with the DCs, he was here...doing some decorating. When I went upstairs I spotted a holdall bag. He stayed the night on sofa and when kissed dd1 goodbye said he'll be back later sad

I didn't speak to him at all....I didn't want to engage. I didnt want a row in front of the DCs who were pleased to see him. Wtf do I do??? Legally he's within his rights to move back in isnt he??? I can't do it sad

I offered to buy him out but he won't have it. Can't sell on the market yet as it's not finished and we wouldn't make as much money as I'd need for a future house.

Shit!! What if he stays put??!!!!!!! Shall I text him and tell him not to come back as door will be locked? Do I stay quiet and think on it for few days?? What do I do?? Please panicking.

mammadiggingdeep Fri 20-Sep-13 17:09:15

Thank you!! Another laugh smile

MaBumble Fri 20-Sep-13 17:00:32

Good luck Mamma, I hope things are heading the right way for you.

On a side issue, I'd never call anyone a cunt. As they are deep, warm and useful.

I tend to use the phrase dickwad smile

mammadiggingdeep Fri 20-Sep-13 16:56:19

Haha....sometimes only the c word will do! Thanks fit the sympathy.... You gave me a laugh too...the best tonic smile x

SweetSeraphim Fri 20-Sep-13 16:51:46


To be fair, it is a word that I use often in real life, I wasn't just being insulting for the sake of it smile

I did offer my sympathies to you in that post as well, but obvs it's been deleted!

mammadiggingdeep Fri 20-Sep-13 16:44:45

Haha.... Sweet dropped the c bomb smile

SweetSeraphim Fri 20-Sep-13 16:25:11

Sorry blush

TheSilverySoothsayer Fri 20-Sep-13 14:35:05

Whereas your post of 08.20.21 gave unpalatable but necessary info/advice in a supportive way, orchidlady

BIWI Fri 20-Sep-13 12:19:52

cron is a man, I think, Orchidlady, and his posts here have not exactly been supportive of the OP and the situation she finds herself in.

AmyMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 20-Sep-13 11:56:28

Hi everyone,
Thanks for all your reports.
Just a reminder of our talk guidelines.
Generally we are okay with posts which say "You sound like a XXX" or "You are coming across as a XXX".
However, saying someone "behaves like a cunt" is a fairly obvious attempt to try and get around our rules regarding personal attacks.

Hope you see where we're coming from on this.

Orchidlady Fri 20-Sep-13 11:55:56

Goodness you lot really have it in for cron Is there some history I am not aware of because she was pretty much saying what I said but I did not get a barrage of abuse smile

TalkativeJim Fri 20-Sep-13 10:22:36

* their 'impact'

Hahahaha! Posted too soon...

OP - have you spoken to his family again yet?

I think what I would start to do is make noises about taking action - of the kind he will not like. Firstly, the disruption to your children. How close by do you work? I would be airing a few well-chosen sentences on how horrible and confusing this is for your children, and how his lack of respect for your separated situation makes you think that the best way to proceed might be for you to move out some distance away. He might really not like that, and his parents presumably would also not like that and might bring more pressure to bear. He would like it even less if you suggested that enough distance to make contact only workable at specific pre-agreed times might now be the only way forward.

And that naturally as soon as you were gone you would be forcing a sale asap. Get the valuers in now in fact.

Good luck.

TalkativeJim Fri 20-Sep-13 10:16:17

Cron, an ellipsis only has three 'dots' -


Like that.

I thought you'd like to know, as bad grammar always makes patronising know-it-all posts lose most if not all of their' impact'.

SweetSeraphim Fri 20-Sep-13 09:58:43

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Orchidlady Fri 20-Sep-13 08:50:21

morning mamma oh dear about the solicitor no surprises there though. I think you really need to try and reason with him, hopefully his family will help. I would making appointments with Estate agents right now and if you can not handle living in the same place as him then rent somewhere else until the sale goes though. Sorry but he is just entitled to live there and it could get so nasty, I hope he sees reason for his kids sake if nothing else. He is being totally pathetic right now.

Lweji Fri 20-Sep-13 06:59:50

Of course the solicitor wouldn't go down the changing locks route.
That's why I'd have done it and let him go to court over it.

Personally, locking inside is only likely to enrage the man and you'll have to let him in again...
And I suspect he's more likely now to stand his ground.

Sorry, but I still think you'd have been better off taking drastic measures the very first time he stayed, before he spent a few nights back in.
At worst you'd have to let him in again anyway. At best you'd have more time without him in.
Oh, well.

Fingers crossed you can move out or get him to move back out, or that he's not too bad to live with.

I hope life is manageable with him in. Or

mammadiggingdeep Fri 20-Sep-13 06:54:05

But it's not about you cron. Rather bad form to make a thread about yourself really.

Thanks all for your replies....will post later xx

cronullansw Thu 19-Sep-13 23:07:21


It's like I said. And got called a cunt for, Thanks Sweet.

Interesting that your strongest term of abuse is the slang name of the female sex organ. Hmm, what would Freud say?

Mamma - my apologies, the 'amused face' wasn't for your situation, I hope you can resolve it without and problems, but was for the completely incorrect statements being made about me.

SweetSeraphim Thu 19-Sep-13 22:28:52

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

perfectstorm Thu 19-Sep-13 21:33:35

OP, well done on locking the doors and keeping him out. It's terrible that he has so little regard for the welfare of your little ones. My own son worships his father and I can only imagine how hard the past 6 months were at the start - to force her to go through the whole process again is downright cruel.

Have you contacted estate agents to get some valuations? If he sees you're serious and not about to fall back into a relationship with him then perhaps he'll stop pushing his luck. And making an appointment for mediation as soon as possible sounds a good idea, too.

Ignore Cronulla. I'm pretty confident everyone else does - and I don't mean on Mumsnet, either. wink

perfectstorm Thu 19-Sep-13 21:30:11

Sorry Perfectstorm, I'm not from Cronulla, although I do live there now, so take your criticism back please, as these two are, legally, not separated. No legal action ending their relationship has taken place.

Ah, I stand corrected - you clearly have superior legal knowledge to myself. I only have a law degree from Cambridge and a masters by research - a comparative study of the law of NSW and England and Wales pertaining to cohabitational breakdown, as it happens.

You know fuck all about the legal situation here, as do we all, which is why I've made no comment on the legal situation other than to say that the OP needs to rely on her solicitor. You chose to post to make digs and cause someone in a horrible position distress. As you always seem to do.

I have never once seen you post to help anyone on here. Every single post I have ever seen from you is seemingly aimed at hurting or distressing or annoying a woman in a vulnerable situations. I'm not a therapist or psychologist, so I won't presume to theorise as to why that is or how much you appear to be projecting some past experience of your own, and seeking revenge via some totally unrelated third parties. But I do think some professional help might be advantageous to you, because your apparent desperation to attract female attention at any cost - no matter how negative - doesn't really seem especially healthy. We forget your nonsense as soon as we close the browser. You live in that mind. It doesn't, from your posts, seem a very happy place to reside.

Do feel free to post the usual nonsense, but you'll have to forgive my not responding. I'm afraid I don't regard you as worth the effort.

Pickturethis Thu 19-Sep-13 20:58:48

I'd suggest trying to get this sorted ASAP.

What if he starts locking you out?

Somehow you're going to have to communicate with him.

I can't see him living somewhere else and paying half a mortgage for 15 years on a house he doesn't live in.

Is he trying to force the issue of finances?

mammadiggingdeep Thu 19-Sep-13 20:54:01

Thanks all. Thanks for sharing pony girl....that's good to know. Sounds like you're onwards and upwards. I will be just a slight hiccup!!

peppapigmustdie Thu 19-Sep-13 20:51:15

ponygirl that sounds positive.

peppapigmustdie Thu 19-Sep-13 20:49:59

So sorry the Solicitor had bad news for you, it does seem crazy that you can be forced to live with someone against your will and also be at risk of losing your Tax Credits when you are clearly not in a relationship with him.
You have tonight alone at least but I am so cross on your behalf.
I wish I had some answers for you but sadly I don't.
Sending good luck vibes your way.

ponygirlcurtis Thu 19-Sep-13 20:47:06

mama just posting quickly re rent/housing benefit situation. I left my abusive husband and rented a place. Because I wasn't living in the house, I was able to claim housing benefit (although they noted it on my file that I owned a property). However, once my house was sold as part of the separation agreement, that made me ineligible as my share of the proceeds put me over the savings limit for HB. So although the rent is expensive I got over a year of having help with it, and I have been able to put some of the weekly amount away to offset me still being able to stay here for a while yet, now that I'm paying it myself.

HTH. Good luck.

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