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I cheated

(38 Posts)
SoopafreakSoopafreak Mon 16-Sep-13 08:30:48

I was with exDp for 4 years, 1 ds. He was EA throughout our relationship and treated me very badly. I left and he was happy about that. I started a new relationship a few months later with a lovely man, treats me brilliantly and I love him. But I had sex with my ex. He'd been trying to get me back for a few weeks and I caved. I have no idea why I done this, I immediately regretted it. It's not an excuse but I was drunk, he wasn't. Now exDp is threatening to tell new bf. New bf would def end things and I would be completely gutted. I really don't want to tell him. What do I do? I know I've been a complete bitch.

VoiceofUnreason Mon 16-Sep-13 13:32:40

I actually think that the healing process from the EA ex needs to start with the OP being honest with her DP and, if necessary, accepting she blew it with him and taking time out to work on herself. From what the OP has said, I think the guilt she feels will only get worse the longer this goes on (not to mention the worry that the ex may spill the beans) and that will continue the control and vulnerability.

SoopafreakSoopafreak Mon 16-Sep-13 13:34:46

voice I'm going to have to tell my bf. I will be gutted, and so will he, but it has to be done. I can't take thinking that ex will tell.

I don't know if bf would believe ex, he knows what he was like with me. He doesn't have any proof, it would be his word against mine.

I know that I have been a fucking cow.

Madlizzy Mon 16-Sep-13 13:50:48

I don't think you have been a fucking cow, actually. I think that you were coerced and controlled into sleeping with him and he got you when you were vulnerable. He knew exactly what he was doing, and that was done to regain control over you. I think you are still being emotionally abused by him.

Jagdkuh Mon 16-Sep-13 14:12:03


I don't think you have been a fucking cow, actually. I think that you were coerced and controlled into sleeping with him and he got you when you were vulnerable.

wow, you really typed that? I think you need a reality check, love.

ownbrand Mon 16-Sep-13 14:14:44

Op do you want to get back with your ex?

You still sound very involved with him , involved enough that hes still on your facebook, and involved enough that when he came round you got upset and started crying to him.

While he might be your freind on facebook and could see you had gone out , how did he now what time you would be home , or that your freind or boyfreind wouldnt be there with you ? Had you been talking with him while you were out ?

Madlizzy Mon 16-Sep-13 14:18:52

Jag, do go and do something constructive, there's a dear.

SoopafreakSoopafreak Mon 16-Sep-13 14:39:06

He isn't on my Facebook anymore. I think he just turned up on the off chance I would be back, I wasn't in contact with him when I was out. He wouldn't have cared if my bf was here or not, he likes to make a scene iykwim.

I did get upset but before that I was shouting at him detailing the things that he put me through. He really was awful when we were together. He apologised, I cried and fell for it. Then I had sex with him and instantly realised what the fuck I was doing and tried to stop it.

SoopafreakSoopafreak Mon 16-Sep-13 14:39:52

I don't want back with him.

Capitaltrixie Mon 16-Sep-13 14:59:37

Jag have you been in an EA relationship?! abusers are uncannily good at knowing which buttons to press.

soopa put it behind you and (importantly) learn from it. I do think it's a good idea to tell your new P, not only for him (as he deserves the truth) but ,as voice said, it'll help you heal and move on. Doesn't sound like you do want to get back with him tbh.

MissStrawberry Mon 16-Sep-13 15:11:56

Whether your ex will tell or not is irrelevant. You should confess as it is the right thing to do.

AnyFucker Mon 16-Sep-13 16:19:19

Jag likes to shit stir, best ignored

OP, you may have to let your current bf go. Be kind about it and don't put pressure on him to stay with you.

Like Voice said, let this be your warning to make sure it is properly dead and buried with your ex before you get involved with someone else.

SoopafreakSoopafreak Mon 16-Sep-13 18:00:54

I won't put pressure on him. I know that I was wrong and I wouldn't expect him to stay.

Fairenuff Mon 16-Sep-13 18:16:13

You are already feeling horrible because of the betrayal and you also have ex's threat to tell hanging over you. At least by telling you can free yourself from your ex's hold on you.

Tell your bf and take it from there.

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