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Considering calling police, will I be wasting their time?

(116 Posts)
Wereonourway Sat 14-Sep-13 21:28:31

I posted a cpl of weeks ago re my ex and nasty text messages, not really threatening just very verbally abusive.

I took advice and made new solicitors appointment rather than approach te police with a view to getting some sort of non molestation order against him.

My solicitor wasnt present when I went to appointment and has since failed to contact me to rearange(whole other thread, I hope to be able to get a new solicitor using existing legal aid claim, I've no idea if this is possible.

So last night ex texted me saying he "knew" I was seeing someone and basically asking where I was, where ds was etc.

I vocally respond saying none of your business, leave me alone. For the record I'm neither seeing someone and was at home in bed. As was ds

The texts started agin this afternoon basically saying I'm seeing someone who has a gf and kids, he hasn't named anyone but he has accused me of this before and I've not seen the person in question for years and not communicated with him in any way for over a year.

As it happens I wouldn't be interested in this person even if single.

So ex is obviously wound up, albeit unjustifiably.

Tonight he has driven past my house and texted to again ask where ds was as house was in darkness, ds was in bed and I was in back bedroom ironing.

Again I respond that he needs to leave me alone but do tell him that ds is at home in bed. He respond with "if you don't stop lying ill come round there and find out for myself".

This is the first time I've felt threatened and I do want to call the police I'm just scared that they will see this as a silly domestic which will waste their time.

In truth I genuinely believe ex has issues with some sort of personality disorder, he certainly has narc traits and I'm worried what will come next.

He has no reason at all to drive past my house(tucked away well back from main road, he has no friends nearby) and obviously he has no right to behave this way but is it criminal?

I've got to hand ds over at ten am tomorrow for contact and just know his behaviour will be icy and disrespectful at best so my mum is going to be around.

This is shit, I'm nothing but polite and calm towards him and I've dealt with this for over a year. Is rig police immediately if I knew they would understand. Just feel shit taking them away from crime and important duties

Wereonourway Tue 17-Sep-13 20:03:08

Thank you. I've not heard from police so not sure that they've been but ex is trying to ring me. I'm ignoring but heart is pounding.

There's just no need for any of this. None at all

YoniBottsBumgina Tue 17-Sep-13 20:07:43

Sounds good smile Thinking of you here as well.

Can you turn your phone off for a bit? Unplug house phone too. Watch some crappy TV. Or if you're with your aunt can you leave phone with her/another person on silent for a bit in case police call.

betterthanever Tue 17-Sep-13 21:15:06

Keep safe OP and if you see him near your house, ring the police. You know he isn't going to like but you are doing the right thing.

Wereonourway Tue 17-Sep-13 22:23:09

Still no update from police although they said they would go any time up til 11pm and that theyd ring me afterwards. Have spoken to them tonight too and they still said they were going.

Ex was texting and ringing me up until about an hr ago.

I'm actually scared. Shaking scared. I'm worried about what he is going to do next and I've never felt like this before

Hertschick Tue 17-Sep-13 23:32:10

You are doing so well - you have done superbly over the last few days. Keep going and hope things get a bit more resolved in the next couple of days when you see the solicitor.

SlangKing Wed 18-Sep-13 01:01:50

Sorry if somebody pointed this out already but I couldn't manage all 5 pages.

- "so ex is already wound up, albeit unjustifiably" -

He's your EX, it wouldn't be justifiable if you were seeing somebody.

C'est tout.

Gruntfuttock Wed 18-Sep-13 10:21:20

Have the police been in touch yet, OP? I hope you managed to get some sleep.

Hegsy Wed 18-Sep-13 10:22:22

Hope you are ok thanks

AllThatGlistens Wed 18-Sep-13 10:27:02

Have been following this OP, I hope you're okay and that the police have been back in touch with you flowers

Wereonourway Wed 18-Sep-13 14:59:41

Typed a reply and lost it. No update from police. Text from ex signals that he is aware they have been so assume they have knocked on door and he's not responded.

Been to solicitor. Sounds daunting but basically will be seeig her tomorrow to give her a statement re past events. Need to gather evidence of abuse.

Need to take evidence of earnings to see f I qualify for legal aid. If I do then court on tuesday. If I don't then I can't proceed

I'm scared either way

hellsbellsmelons Wed 18-Sep-13 15:13:53

It must be daunting to say the least.
You are doing so well.
I really hope you qualify for legal aid and get the support you need now.
Well done and try to stay strong (even if you are like jelly on the inside).
Keep going, your son will be so thankful you did all this.

EasyToEatTiger Fri 20-Sep-13 01:00:33

A bit of support - mumsnet ((((((((Wereonourway))))))

MrsMcEnroe Fri 20-Sep-13 13:16:05

How are you getting on OP?

just stumbled across this thread. op you are doing brilliantly. really, you are. keep it up and stay strong thanks

Wereonourway Fri 20-Sep-13 14:49:07

Thank you all.

I'm ok. Haven't been sleeping at all but have promised myself a peaceful lovely weekend with ds.

No update from police but ex is aware of their involvement. He has gone fully circle(as is always the case) and is now apologetic and insists we should sort this out like adults and sit down and talk calmly, its in best interests of ds etc

I've tried for a year to do this, I really have and I know I've for to formalise things and protect myself from anymore abuse and protect ds from having to see any shitty behaviour.

Not sure what's happening legal wise yet. I'm totally switching off to it this weekend and will face it full steam next week.

It's just shit, it really is. I want what's best for ds and don't want to be seen to me a mum who tries to inhibit his and his dads relationship. That's not the case. It really isnt

I do feel like I've tried absolutely everything

captainmummy Fri 20-Sep-13 14:53:48

He's following the script - it won't be long before he is as abusive as ever. He's just convincing himself that he is a 'nice' guy - and he can tell people that he is trying to patch things up with you, and you are the baddie for not falling for it letting him.
Keep strong, OP. It's not your fault he is a shit - and his relationship with his dc is up to him, not you.

Hope you have a lovely weekend.

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