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Please help me get through today.

(143 Posts)
FuntimeFuschia Sat 14-Sep-13 10:17:04

I found out at about half four this morning that my H has been cheating with a woman he works with. Been suspicious for a few weeks, so checked his phone and there a delightful pic of her in a very gymnastic pose. He owned up pretty swiftly, probably because it was early hours and he'd woken up and realised both me and the phone were missing. Swears blind no sex, yeah yeah bullshit bullshit.
This has happened before, I found out just after ds was born and I chose to stay and work on it. I feel so fucking stupid.
We have to go to a wedding today. There is no way out of it. DC's have a lovely day out and sleepover with my mil and I don't want them to miss out. I don't know how to hold it together watching two very close mutual friends get married, in a church full of mutual friends. He has taken the dc out fora walk this morning to give me some space, but I can just see the day lasting forever. I have had two hours sleep, keep bursting into tears and just don't know what to do.
He's moving out tomorrow, our marriage is over, I am completely overwhelmed by the fallout to come. I feel lost.

skyeskyeskye Sat 14-Sep-13 13:13:21

I am so sorry that this has happened to you. From now on you have to put you and your DC first. Ask him to leave, he has made his decision and therefore needs to move out.

One thing at a time, but if you get WTC you need to ring them and start a single claim. If you rent you may get help with housing benefit. You can get your council tax reduced by 25%. You may be able to get your payments spread over 12 months instead if 10 too, some councils are doing that now, mine does.

Make sure you have details if all your finances including his pensions, life assurance, savings etc.

On Monday, make an appointment to see a solicitor and find out what you may be entitled to etc and if you know his salary you can go online and calculate CSA payments.

All these things will empower you go know that you can survive financially and that will be one thing off your mind.

You can feign illness today and then be honest with your friend when she gets back from honeymoon.

If you can find any proof of adultery, emails, Facebook etc then print it off so you can use it to divorce for adultery.

Look after yourself, try and eat something, just little and often.

Just remember that it is about you and your DC from now on. He will turn into somebody that you no longer recognise so be prepared for that.

MissStrawberry Sat 14-Sep-13 13:14:54

He still is texting her. Bollocks she is very sorry and what the fuck is he doing telling you their convos? ignore him for now.

Sort out money. Sort out looking amazing at the wedding. Stay calm and sober and remember you haven't done anything wrong. You are very strong.

keepyourroomtidy Sat 14-Sep-13 13:24:18

You will get through these dark hours and days although I know only too well how impossible it seems right now. Take care of yourself and be selfish if you need to. Sending you support and lots of sympathy. ��

clam Sat 14-Sep-13 13:38:06

Console yourself with the idea of saving that tasteful pic and forwarding it on to all your mutual friends at some future date, just as he's parading her about as his new girlfriend.

Hissy Sat 14-Sep-13 14:17:14

How are you doing this afternoon FF?

Don't worry about what anyone thinks of you. I promise that they won't think that you did anything, they will be sympathetic toward you.

Anyone who isn't, is a wanker of the highest order and needs booting the hell out of your life, got that?! smile

It'll be OK, you will be OK. You will get through this.

FuntimeFuschia Sat 14-Sep-13 14:33:14

Hello, have got my mum round and she is being fab smile am about to have a much needed bath. The financial advice is just what I need, thank you. Will be trying to get off work on Monday at the very least. I have lots to do

Lizzabadger Sat 14-Sep-13 14:42:45


Don't take him back this time (however much he pleads and grovels).

Look after yourself.

rainbowfeet Sat 14-Sep-13 14:45:05

No advice I'm afraid but so touched by your posts... Just wanted to send you love & strength really hmm xx

oldgrandmama Sat 14-Sep-13 14:51:00

Been there, FF. You're getting great advice here. Especially about keeping busy with finding out financial stuff, appointment with solicitor, etc. etc. If you have gone to the wedding, I hope it wasn't too bad. All your friends and family will sympathise and tell you you've done the right thing. As for 'spread legs in a toilet cubicle', my oh my, she sounds one real classy lady! Definitely keep the photo for some sweet revenge later on ...

GeordieCherry Sat 14-Sep-13 14:55:02

Mums are ace!
Buy yourself some flowers thanks, eat nice food biscuit & make a plan later

TalkativeJim Sat 14-Sep-13 14:59:07

She sounds lovely... second what has already been said about being careful about him crawling back sobbing about his 'mistake' and how Miss Cubicles Akimbo meant nothing...

And, people won't wonder what 'you did wrong'. Would you, if you heard this story? Wouldn't you just think 'Urgh, can't believe he turned out to be such a creep. Poor FF'?

Meanwhile, steal a march while he's wired at today's events and has his eye off the ball. Copies of all financial stuff, can you get into his accounts etc.? Move funds out of joint account. Others will have good advice here! Give him the shock of his life while he's expecting you to still be in shock and crying.

Most of all, CONGRATULATIONS. You've got rid of a real pig, and I would bet a substantial sum that you're going to be the one smiling into the future here. While he's just about to find out how unpleasant it is starting a new relationship where the only solid thing the two protagonists know about one another is that they're both filthy cheats at heart. Mmmm, what a love story!!!!

LondonNinja Sat 14-Sep-13 15:00:08

Glad to hear your mum is there and that he has gone.
Sounds like you have a great family there - one McDad will miss once gymnastic slapper has dumped his sorry arse.

Thumbwitch Sat 14-Sep-13 15:05:19

God what absymal timing, not that it's ever good but still. sad

In your place, I wouldn't go to the wedding. I had troubles going to weddings in the year following my split with ex-fiancé - I couldn't have done it on the actual day after!!

Icklemariposa01 Sat 14-Sep-13 16:41:36

You are being very strong. Good for you and step by step even though this is all overwhelming.

You must be running on empty!! confused

Or!! Running on the anger of having to go all through this


PrincessKitKat Sat 14-Sep-13 23:04:22

I hope you got through today ok OP. Keep us updated on how you're doing.

FuntimeFuschia Sat 14-Sep-13 23:51:15

Today was ok. Very tired. Will update tomorrow. He ia still a cunt.

Vivacia Sun 15-Sep-13 06:58:56

Good to hear from you. Did you go in the end? Did he?

Hope you do update, was thinking about you.

LondonNinja Sun 15-Sep-13 08:14:53

Hope you're bearing up. Sending you a brew and un-MN hug.

lunar1 Sun 15-Sep-13 08:25:06

Hope you got some sleep last night.

FuntimeFuschia Sun 15-Sep-13 09:13:08

Hello, yes I went to the wedding, got through with my lovely friend holding my hand, literally! Just about coped with the reception until speeches but crying then is acceptable I think! He didn't show but he's clearly been in the house. I absolutely lost it when I got home and properly broke down and text him to say this isn't his home anymore and he has to ask me before he comes. I'm off to collect the kids from mil soon, she's been in touch about them not him which makes me wonder where he is...

Vivacia Sun 15-Sep-13 09:36:24

What do you think your mother-in-law knows, and what do you plan on telling her, if anything?

KateCroydon Sun 15-Sep-13 09:48:13 will tell you what you can claim in tax credits etc.
Seeing a lawyer stat may be wise. Do you have any divorced friends/colleagues who could advise?
Final recommendation: read Nora Ephron's 'Heartburn'. It's the roughly autobiographical story of how Carl Bernstein (watergate guy) left her when she was seven months pregnant for another woman. It's very very funny (she also wrote when Harry met Sally) and a guide to getting through this shit with your head held high.

FuntimeFuschia Sun 15-Sep-13 10:15:56

Mil apparently knows about ow, not about previous though. DC home now, they seem ok at the mo. He was there but I didn't speak to him. I think he's detached himself now he went from wanting to make things work to not loving me and wanting her within a matter of hours, so I'm not featuring very highly in his thoughts now. I can handle this but I hope it doesn't filter down to the children.
Today we are going to lounge around until my sister arrives. Tomorrow is the day of action. I am running on caffeine nicotine and adrenalin now and I know a crash is inevitable but hopefully will have got some stuff sorted before then. I need to detach a bit myself and I do feel a little like I am playing a part in a film, but todayI feel more sad than angry which is not good.

FuntimeFuschia Sun 15-Sep-13 13:32:49

And back to angry. He's with her today. Didn't waste much time eh.

Wellwobbly Sun 15-Sep-13 13:37:58

What a twat. You will find you are well rid, FF.

fool you once and all of that. Is this the same OW as the first one or is she another unsuspecting idiot ?

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