(D)H behaviour or AIBU???

[EasyToEatTiger]

I have a work thing this coming weekend and thought that we would go as a family. I discussed it with H and he said that he was working that weekend. I said I could take the children and looked into the differences between driving and public transport. After discussion with H, we decided that public transport would free up my car so he could get to his job with a box of equipment. When we return we will have to take a taxi home as we arrive late at night and h won't be home.

This morning, H announced that he was using my car on the morning we are leaving, to go on a jolly he has just arranged and that he would pay for a taxi to the station.

When I told him I was upset by this he went mad at me and lost his temper and told me I was stupid bla bla bla.

AIBU to find his behaviour odd? I am tired of living with someone who loses their temper on a regular basis for no obvious reason. I was upset that he had put a jolly over his family, when I felt that I had made enough compromises, then blamed me.

[tumbletumble]

Do you think he really just organised the jolly? Or could he have been planning it all along? The temper sounds like displaced guilt to me.

[BuggerLumpsAnnoyed]

But i thought youd already decided to take public transport anyway? Am i being dim? I dont see why your annoyed

[EasyToEatTiger]

No, the jolly was never there before. He planned it, knowing my train times. It was when he said, he'd pay for a taxi.. FGS what with? He is retired and makes no money.He has no secret stash, so it makes no difference who pays for a taxi.

He regularly loses his temper. It has been noticed by our councellor that it is not necessary for him to get so angry.

I am tired of living with someone who blames me for everything and anything. Just bored of it. Feel very much like the second Mrs ~

[Fairenuff]

He said he couldn't come because he was working but you say he is retired and doesn't work? I'm confused.

[ihearsounds]

I read both posts several times. Like you Fairenuff I am confused.
And erm if he is retired and has no money to pay for a taxi then how comes he has money for a jolly?

[EasyToEatTiger]

He isn't paid for anything. He is retired but has no job to go to which is paid. Most of our money is shared and he has a pittance of a pension. Sorry it's quite complicated and I'm taking shortcuts.

[Xales]

So you were leaving your car for a retired man to do a job. But he is going on a jolly instead. What happened to the job?

Why don't you just say you have changed your mind and take your car?

[EasyToEatTiger]

It's more about the fact that he loses his temper over things which are not (I think) things to get angry about.

[Handywoman]

Am confused, I though you were using public transport? Is the transport the issue? Or that he has organized a jolly over family time, instead of going to unpaid work?

[Handywoman]

X-post oh i see. It is money inflaming the issue? Is the way he chooses to spend time a recurring issue?

[Handywoman]

X-post oh i see. It is money inflaming the issue? Is the way he chooses to spend time a recurring issue?

[Handywoman]

X-post oh i see. It is money inflaming the issue? Is the way he chooses to spend time a recurring issue?

[whitsernam]

I think I "get" it, and really you're asking about his temper.... but you're already going for counselling, so I think you will do best by taking the matter up there. The counsellor already knows some of your dynamic, and is best positioned to help you.

[Fairenuff]

I think it's the fact that he used 'work' as an excuse not to go. Then something came up which he did want to go to so he cancelled the 'work' so that he could go on his jolly.

But because OP called him on it, he got all arsey and angry with her.

His anger is an ongoing problem.

What I would like to know, OP, is this. Does he get angry with others, or just with you?

[EasyToEatTiger]

I've been taking too many shortcuts and have failed to explain properly. We have agreed to take public transport , including taxi on our return journey as it is late at night and H will be working and will be back later. On our departure he has decided that jollying off early is more fun for him. No discussion, a fait accompli. That is what I am upset about.

[EasyToEatTiger]

He does not get angry with other people outside the house. I am tired of this and am sleeping in the spare room. I'm sorry I'm not good at articulating what is going on. If he hurts me and I say it hurts he says I'm stupid and he loses his temper. That's about it.

[Fairenuff]

Then you should separate. He is being verbally aggressive and physically abusive, tell him to leave.

Stop the joint counselling and go for counselling on your own.

[EasyToEatTiger]

Thank you all for your comments. He's not physically abusive but he says it's my fault that he loses his temper. He had a go at starting an argument when we were in counselling. It is like dealing with a young child. This morning I was cross with him and told him his behaviour was unacceptable. I have already told the counsellor that I find his 'little acts of rebellion' too much to bear.