local.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1620384-Sharing-naked-pictures-taken-and-shared-without-someones-permission-in-order-to-bully-them
local.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1557033-Feeling-hurt-not-sure-if-it-is-reasonable
Previous threads.
We have not had sex since June. In the whole relationship I have felt sexually rejected anyway because he seems afraid of my body, never touches me, has never been down on me, wont discuss sex, we only ever have PIV one time only ever in the bed and then he goes to sleep, often doesn't want even that. I'm really sexual and found myself forcing it after the naked pictures incident, knocked that on the head after a dry spell and then a horrible shag in June where I felt empty and used and I knew it couldn't go on.
I have been talking about the communication problem for years. He always says that he will do anything to make it better. I raised the idea of counselling for him, he wouldn't go. I now really believe that it is not me who has the problem but him and us together, that we are incompatible and I am unhappy.
Late last year I told him if it didn't improve I would leave.
He has continued to stick his head in the sand.
I told him on Monday night that it is over for me and I don't feel it is recoverable. He was upset said I had never mentioned these things before, said he didn't know why I was so upset about the photo thing because he didn't know what his mate was talking about and didnt understand the comment he made, I said I would not accept that version of events because it isn't true. I said we needed to commit to co-parenting as friends and I didn't want to try anymore because it is making me unhappy.
Since then he is pretending this conversation hasn't happened. He is still walking in on me in the bath, still trying to touch and stroke me in bed. I am finding it unbearable but I don't want to shout at him... I think I need to but I am frightened that this will upset the good co-parenting relationship we currently have and that ultimately it won't make a difference because I am SAHM and he has all the power and can choose to ignore this.
This is why I have been unhappy, throughout the relationship he has been satisfied with having me as a wife even if I am unhappy and has not made any effort to treat me as an equal (in terms of communication) or share anything.
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Relationships
He won't accept it is over
Offred · 11/09/2013 08:09
I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds unbearable. 
You know the answer to this already though. You can't get him to accept this without running the risk of him being horrible. But what's the alternative? You spend the rest of your life dancing to his tune to avoid him being unco-operative or even downright nasty?
Many people behave badly when a relationship breaks up, particularly if they don't want it to and they have the power to hit back where it hurts. However, most people - especially those who love their DC - come around and start behaving sensibly in time. Things have to get worse before they get better. And if they don't get better it is always better to discover that sooner rather than later, when you can do something about it instead of waste your life hoping for something that will never happen.
Good luck.
You can deal with this and you know you can. You've been through worse. 
The only way to handle this is to decide on your party line ("I'm very clear that I don't want to try. I want to move forward and keep things stable for the children") and adopt the broken-record technique every time he tries to draw you into discussion. The only negotiation that takes place should be around residency, contact and financial arrangements for your child.
If you're very vulnerable financially, I'd recommend trying to sort yourself living arrangements he can't scupper and a source of income independent of him ASAP. He should pay maintenance and you should be allowed to stay in the family home as the parent with care, but you'd be best advised to have a plan independent of all that so that he can't use it as a means of controlling you.
You can't make him behave well to ensure stability for your child. The stability will come primarily from your child's relationship with you. If you can minimise moving home/school etc, you're doing really well, and if you can keep regular contact going you'll be on a winner - but only if your X doesn't use it as an excuse to manipulate you (which includes talking to your child about you in a negative or 'what if' fashion). No contact is better than damaging contact.
Best of luck.
Oh Offred you poor love 
you know what we're going to say - you don't need his permission to end it. It doesn't really matter what he says or how he tries to placate you. If he's still crossing boundaries when you're locking the bathroom door and sleeping on the sofa then you've got a bigger problem, but for the moment let's assume he won't. You need a practical exit strategy, and your energy needs to go towards building that rather than responding to whatever he comes out with.
Thanks hissy.
Just had my parents round shouting about caring about my kids and how I need to realise I am taking dh's house... 
Finally, finally stood up to them and told them to fuck off out of my house. Which they did.
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Wow, just wow, your parents are lovely 
.
You really should stop waiting for him to 'get it', that is surrendering even more power, in an already power imbalanced in his favour relationship. Sleep on the sofa or on the floor if you have to, always lock the bathroom door and start making plans. Be prepared for him to turn very nasty when he realises that his current tactics aren't working. If him leaving seems unlikely, which is only to be expected considering his delusional way of thinking, be prepared to move.
You are not responsible for his behaviour, his issues run deep. Even if you contorted yourself into whatever person he thinks he wants, it still wouldn't change what happened in the past and what may happen in the future. Been there, done that, it is a very hard mindset to shake that our actions somehow influence the behaviour of abusive men.
You are going to have to stand up to him, like you did your parents (well done for that) and be your own hero in this situation. Take back the power you surrendered to this idiot and show him that you are strong and that you do matter.
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