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Men who push for sex on a first date....

(91 Posts)
superstarheartbreaker Tue 10-Sep-13 21:36:54

Are idiots right? That's twice now I have broken my rule of no first date sex. Admittedly it is my fault for giving in but the hints, flattery, suggestions of driving me home combined with them being fit and me having a glass of wine all gets too much. Then of course...poof!

TBH when a guy starts pressuring me I sometimes give in as it makes me never want to see them again anyway but more often or not I feel a bit crappy about it.

Has anyone actually initiated first date sex themselves and how did it work out? (just curious) I still have that silly Rules book lodged in my head that states no first date sex.

lurkinglorna Thu 12-Sep-13 23:52:25

Aye, Diagonally horrid advice there!

I think when women have settled for stability or for some guy because he "likes me and is there" it often turns out bitter.

No-ones suggesting holding out for prince harry but men who are fanciable as fuck AND principled and into us do exist.

I know personally if I accepted the kind of man who is "nice and looks after me" just cause I'm lonely or afraid of time passing, then I'd end up resenting him.

And what would happen if that guy I only picked for stability and companionship ends up losing that "stable" status - say job loss or illness or something? confused

Of course initial charm doesn't rule over everything, but I think every now and then that "^look at my man across the room and fancy him and feel bloody proud he's mine and no one elses"^ moment has to happen.

Diagonally Thu 12-Sep-13 22:22:40

"In some instances he may sport a wave"

I bloody love UD

Back to topic

I think your friends are wrong - what on earth is the point of dating / seeing a man romantically unless you want to have lots of sex with them?

internationallove985 Thu 12-Sep-13 20:20:38

I have always D.T.D the first night. I see nothing wrong with it. I have a F.W.B now and we see each other a few days a week for sex. xx

Takingbackmonday Thu 12-Sep-13 15:01:10

The whole buying cow, milk business but I see most of us agree

lurkinglorna Thu 12-Sep-13 13:30:08


you're right and I'm right grin see HERE

SolidGoldBrass Thu 12-Sep-13 13:22:42

I thought 'butterz' meant uncool and ugly. I am obviously quite old.

specialsubject Thu 12-Sep-13 13:03:23

forget 'the rules'.

if you want sex with this person and will still be happy about it next day, do it. Doesn't matter how long you've known him.

if you don't, say no.

AnyFucker Thu 12-Sep-13 12:48:19

What don't you believe,, TBM ?

lurkinglorna Thu 12-Sep-13 12:48:11

googled melktart, yum smile

Lazysuzanne Thu 12-Sep-13 12:14:39

Surely we are all now agreed that there is no problem with first date sex in and of itself?

Takingbackmonday Thu 12-Sep-13 11:43:53

I don't believe any of this. I've had 3 long term relationships and numerous prolonged flings with 1st date sex men

superstarheartbreaker Thu 12-Sep-13 07:14:00

Well my compliment to this guy was tgat he was 'fit' . He was...but he was also interesting and intelligent. We had much in" places wed been to, sports but the difference between me droppng my pants on a first date and keeping them firmly on was the simple fact tgat he's fit! Ive had three dates with a guy who I wasnt attracted ti in tgat way. He was funnybso I thought it would grow. It hasnt. So many if my girlfriends think I should settle for someone 'nice' even if i dont fancy them as it will grow. Imo it normally dosnt.

AKissIsNotAContract Thu 12-Sep-13 06:55:18

No man will buy the cow when he's getting the milk for free. Get some dignity and stronger knicker elastic

What a load of bollocks. Why buy a whole pig when you only want a bit of sausage.

Lazyjaney Thu 12-Sep-13 06:50:44

You need to date a South African, their melktert is the ultimate custard tart. Fact.

SomethingOnce Thu 12-Sep-13 00:32:56

In comparison, the standard British custard tart is distinctly lacking.

I must have one tomorrow for breakfast!

[falls off tart wagon]

lurkinglorna Thu 12-Sep-13 00:20:50

they're great aren't they? grin when i saw it i was like "ok, this is basically an egg custard tart" but tastes amazing.

also had my first macaron on a 1st OD! that's another decent sweet find.

SomethingOnce Thu 12-Sep-13 00:18:26

A Portuguese custard tart (pastel de nata)? I got quite fat from my love affair with those.

lurkinglorna Thu 12-Sep-13 00:11:23

a "butterz" guy is a cool city guy who shows me things (not necessarily including his penis or his emotions) like new interests or music or places or food types. this expands my world.

this year i haven't met anyone i've fallen in love with, but i've tried a lovely portugese tart (yeah yeah grin), korean food, read an ancient military history book, discovered a folk musician i wouldn't have otherwise. these memories will probably leave a lot more of an impression than the guys in question!

Diagonally Thu 12-Sep-13 00:00:34

grin Lorna

But wtf is "butterz"?!

Totally agree with Best on this

First date sex is no predictor of what's going to happen next

If you'd rather find out more about them and their intentions before you sleep with them, then don't do it

If you'd rather try before you even think about buying then go for it, but accept the.risk

Neither is wrong, but sex on first date is probably more risky if you tend to feel let down in some way after having sex and then they blow you out

Be wary of linking your ability to please someone sexually to your self worth

Losers will take advantage of that

bestsonever Wed 11-Sep-13 23:41:22

Sounds like you have an expectation or at least hope that first date sex will lead to something. You have to accept that it doesn't indicate any man's future intentions and could just as easily be about getting a one-off fuck. If you don't 'put out' on first date and you still get to see them for more dates you have a better indication that they see you as GF material rather than just ok for a shag (some men will shag either category on a first date so you cannot tell).

AnyFucker Wed 11-Sep-13 23:19:28


I don't know why I am even still on this thread. I haven't dated anyone in 25 years

lurkinglorna Wed 11-Sep-13 23:14:52

I probably THINK when I meet blokes in a dating context

"wouldn't do, yuck"
"would do, wouldn't date or spend time outside the bedroom with"
"might be Ok, let's see what happens as we get to know each other"
"this is boyfriend/world changing material take seriously and enjoy"
"ok to date in a non committed way"
"shit I KNOW him or one of my buddies has had him, ABORT asap"

But I wouldn't work that into conversation or phrase any of it as a compliment.

AnyFucker Wed 11-Sep-13 23:12:31

I prefer "intelligent" or "witty" meself

lurkinglorna Wed 11-Sep-13 23:06:18

Oh I like "peng" grin Quite liked it when a (very) young man came up to me and said GIRL I LIKE YOUR STYLE!

I got called "elegant" by a former admirer - not an English guy. My friend then said "yes you are, but by that nation's standards, anyone who can put a dress on is elegant, they're hardly the French"


(friend was probably right)

I like to strive for "personable" myself, personable is probably better than being beautiful, although of course I think I am smile

VelvetSpoon Wed 11-Sep-13 22:54:09

Thing is, when you're single for a LONG time (and I know how it feels OP, I have been too) you seize on any compliment, even if it's a bit sleazy, or not that great, because for the rest of the time, every day of every week of every month, on and on, you never get a compliment, to the point you almost feel invisible to the opposite sex, and start to wonder, if you have so much going for you, then why does no-one notice?

The last time a man said I was beautiful was my Ex, 5 years ago. I've been on many dates since then, snogged lots, slept with a few (even some on the first date) but the number who actually said I was attractive (and no more than that) is less than 5. Whereas the number who made some sort of sexual compliment - at the tamest end something like what a horny (ugh, hate that word) kisser I was - practically all hmm

I'd love someone to tell me how pretty and charming and intelligent I am, but in modern dating that doesn't seem to happen - or at least not to me! Hence I have to take the compliments I do get, cos they're better than nothing.

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