Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

My DP doesn't contribute and won't take responsibility.

(84 Posts)
CardiffUniversityNetballTeam Tue 10-Sep-13 21:17:32

I don't know what to do anymore. He doesn't give me much money at all. He just wastes it. Last month he contributed nothing to household bills and expenses. I've gone through almost all my savings.
Next month my income won't cover our outgoings. He won't agree to spend less and just keeps going on about claiming housing benefit. I scared we are going to lose everything.
If I leave him though, I won't be able to go to work at all and then I'd lose my house anyway.
Can't remember the last time I was this cross and sad.

Nat38 Wed 11-Sep-13 19:50:35

Do you love him?? Do you want to stay with him??
They are the main questions! Then you can decide a plan of action!!
If you want to stay with him, sort out separate finances so that you know that you & your Ds have a place to live & that you can pay all bills!
All the "extra`s" that your DP wants/likes like sky sports, gambling ect make him pay for from his own account!! Cancel everything that you do not want to pay for even if it means opening new accounts!! A hassle I know!!
If you want to split, you`ll have to split the finance`s any way, inyour favour!!

34DD Wed 11-Sep-13 21:24:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuintessentialOldDear Thu 12-Sep-13 13:06:16

Not when she does not have access to his paypal and it is his paypal account that has been liked to her bank....

Good luck in the bank today!

dreamingbohemian Thu 12-Sep-13 13:59:58

Hmm. According to paypal, the name on the bank account must match exactly the name on the paypal account. How did he link them to begin with?

If he has linked them fraudulently somehow then I imagine if you inform paypal they will have no problem de-linking them. And he shouldn't be able to link to your new account.

Bogeyface Thu 12-Sep-13 14:01:44

Are you sure Dreaming?

I have a bank account that we use for all online stuff adding funds as we need them to avoid CC fraud, and that is linked to my AND H's paypal.

dreamingbohemian Thu 12-Sep-13 14:27:38

Hmm I don't know. Did you open it a while ago? I think paypal has cracked down massively on this in the last couple years because there was so much money laundering going on.

At the very least I think it would be difficult for the DP to link the new bank account to his paypal without the OP knowing. I had to send quite a bit of documents when I opened mine a couple years ago.

Bogeyface Thu 12-Sep-13 14:39:41

Ah that would be it, we have had this arrangement for several years, so yes that would probably be why.

Twinklestein Thu 12-Sep-13 15:02:35

I opened a new Paypal account recently & had no problem linking my husband's debit card. Although we have the same surname.

CardiffUniversityNetballTeam Thu 12-Sep-13 22:38:20

I am feeling much better today. A friend took me out for a glass of wine last night and we had a lovely time. And then I spoke on the phone to another close friend today and it has really helped hearing both from them and from the people posting on this thread that I need to make changes and stop trusting DP as he will just let me down, time and time again.
I didn't manage to open my new bank account today as they had double booked me and I couldn't wait around as I had to go to work. I have been looking on moneysavingexpert today at bank accounts and where is best to go. Because I have a poor credit score I will probably have to opt for a basic account. But that is fine with me because I just want somewhere where my money is safe and I am in control.
What happens next in my relationship is a different matter. I hope we can work things out, for our sons sake if nothing else. I'm just glad to be a little more positive and thanks to everyone who has posted on here for your support.
I am also considering going to the Gam-Anon meeting in my town. Does anyone have any experience of anything like this?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now