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Aibu or is ge! Dh and dbro feud

(4 Posts)
Ginga66 Tue 10-Sep-13 00:15:43

Very long story so will cut it v short!
Married, two ds one and four neither good sleepers up late.
Ds1 started school today.
Anyhow we came back fromhols sat and I got MSG from m brother he is in town can we meet.
Basically my brother was an arse in the past to myself and dh but sinc apologised. Dh won't accept ology so he won see him.
Problem is whenever he breezes in from whichever country he has been visiting the same drama ensues.
I want to see my brother. If I tell dh he forbids me to take kids along unless he is at work or something.
If I don't tell him and he finds out I am sneaking around.
I fully appreciate its more complicated. Dh was ver hurt by dbro and replicated his father abandoning him so dh decided to completely cut dbro out of his life.
We did go to relate and counsellor pointed this link out but dh too much in denial. He won't face demons or tell people when he's hurt he just avoids them or hates them from a distance.
At any rate I didn't se my brother until an opportunity arose for him to come to baby group which dh not keen on. I wasn't going to tell dh but he saw teddy dbro had given ds2 .
So on today of al days when we should be close for ds1 first day at school dh has been sullen, withdrawn, distant. I even went so far as to try seduction but was rejected outright which was crushing.
I'm really tired of this. Whenever I do something he doesn't approve of he withdraws.counsellor told him its very bit as bad as my shouting but he doesn't get it.
Does he have a point I am missing? Do I deserve to be treated like something on the bottom of his shoe just because i spent an hour with my brother?
Is this EA?
So tired of it. Have funeral of friend in mornin and zero emotional support. Separat beds don't think he cares. Feeli lonely indeed. Jealous of happy couples. Wonder if he will ever be nice again.
I did row with his sun and said things I shouldn't have but apologised profusely and tried making it up to him, done housework,baked cake, tried being friendly.
I just feel like its hy
Ocritical. If he offends me I forgive quickly. But I have to wait for days or even longer while he thaws. Meanwhile I also have health issues, no sleep etc. aibu? I just want some understanding respect and affection!

mummytime Tue 10-Sep-13 13:14:43

It doesn't matter what causes it, this kind of cold shoulder and sulking when you don't do what he wants is unacceptable.

What do you want to do about it?
Is this the kind of treatment you want him to show your children when they do something he doesn't like?
Does he do this at work?

maddy68 Tue 10-Sep-13 21:15:28

You have every right to see your brother. Your dh sounds rather controlling. He doesn't have to see him if he doesn't want to

A similar thing happened with my bil. I will never have anything to do with him ever again but I would never stop my dh from seeing him or our children

Ginga66 Tue 10-Sep-13 21:58:22

Well it's now come down to I can see him sure but he doesn't want kids seein him. I can't accept that so we either keep disagreeing or I sneak around and hope four year old doesn't blow cover. It's ridiculous yes.

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