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is it wrong for me to go out?

(59 Posts)
ladypippins Mon 09-Sep-13 11:42:30

My h doesn't like it when I go out and "expect" him to take care if our son "you wanted him". I don't go out often, less than a handful a year including Christmas do's.

DS gets upset if I go home and then go out, can be a bit clingy (he's at nursery full time) but he seems to be okay if I don't go home first. Although sometimes bed time is tricky as I am the only one to go through the bedtime routine "he doesn't want me".

I need to socialise, just once in a while without feeling guilty. I want to go to a team do next month and am worried about telling H. I think he will say no but I want to stay firm. Given DS sometimes gets upset - is it reasonable for me to go out?

hellsbellsmelons Thu 12-Sep-13 10:34:48

There is nothing to persist with. You are going. End of conversation.
If he won't take care of DS then you will get a babysitter.
This is full on abusive behaviour from your OH and as others have advised, please call Womens Aid and get some support from them.
It has already been physical and this usually always happens during pregnancy or after the birth.
This WILL get worse.
You really do need to get away from him.
Could you arrange to visit your parents for the weekend and get away for a bit?
You should NOT be living like this. IT IS NOT NORMAL!!!
If he checks the phone bills etc.. the Womens Aid call will not appear on it so you do not need to worry about that.
Their phone number is 0808 2000 247. They are very busy so just keep trying.

ladypippins Thu 12-Sep-13 12:20:56

Lavenderhoney - he gets sarky and sulky.

Atillals - I've written the Agreement because I left 4months ago and went back after just a few days. He said that he didn't realise I was so unhappy (although I had said his reactions were unreasonable and he'd certainly seen me cry). Writing it down demonstrates I have told him and he stops any denial of not knowing from him.

It means I have tried my best and if I know that it will help me move on and struggle through the overwhelming feeling of loneliness and sadness for the end of my 18 year. These emotions, along with him saying he will change are why I returned.

Lavenderhoney Thu 12-Sep-13 12:37:24

So you left- and he begged you to come back, with promises of change i presume- and now its happening again. Is it worse?

You had the courage to leave before and had a plan- can you reinstate it and mean it this time? Did you it before and hope he would come to his senses?

Is it worth talking to your parents - if you confided in them before- and leaving again? For good this time?

You were brave before, op? Takes a lot of courage to leave but it can only get better.

Does he know you are on mn?

LoisPuddingLane Thu 12-Sep-13 12:42:05

If he didn't change after you left him, he's not going to change.

ladypippins Thu 12-Sep-13 12:56:18

He hasn't been physically aggressive but he has shouted and called me a couple of names. When I pulled him up on it he said he felt I was moving the goal posts; I suggested them that I write it down but he said I didn't need to (its actually been written for weeks but I haven't found the courage to issue it.

It's definitely better but clearly still not ideal. I organised a rental and the agreement expires in November.

He knows I make notes but isn't aware of mumsnet.

ladypippins Thu 12-Sep-13 13:01:20

Re: moving goalposts, he hasn't understood shouting was a problem.

LoisPuddingLane Thu 12-Sep-13 13:04:02

What does he mean by moving the goal posts?

YoniBottsBumgina Thu 12-Sep-13 13:10:56

Please make sure he does not find out about mumsnet!

You went back because he promised to change, but he hasn't, has he? sad

If the rental agreement expires in November does that mean you can go back before then?

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 12-Sep-13 13:39:41

Never make him aware of MN!.

These types all say that they are "sorry" and that they "promise to change". He has not fundamentally changed at all and any agreement to him means nothing. Staying with him only prolongs your own agonies.

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