Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

AIBU (think I probably already know the answer)

(152 Posts)
AuchAyethenoo Mon 09-Sep-13 11:19:32

I've just had THE most embarrassing moment in Morrisons. I'm stood watching the food scan and the amount getting increasingly higher on the till display, 5 people standing behind me. I've got £70 in my pocket.

Yep you guessed it £72.68 on the display, I have to ask the woman to stop scanning and take off the last couple of items. Mortified just about covers it. Other people tutting, the cashier had to call for help, the whole shebang.

How did I get in this position, you ask?

I'm a SAHM, my oh works. We get some CTC and I get child maintenance for my eldest. My oh has a good wage, yet I have to cover half of ALL the bills, mortgage etc. Buy the weekly shop, all of the children's travel and activities and all of the children's expenditure (clothes etc).

AIBU to be destroyed that I have to use my eldests money for essential like food instead of saving it for her, to be hurt that even though oh knows that since his promotion my CTC has reduced and I'm struggling?

I now have £8 to last me 9 days, it's £4/day to get my dd2 to nursery. Oh says if I need money I should ask him, but he acts in such a demeaning manner when I do, asking precisely how much, what it's for etc. Then 'comically' tries to stuff it down my bra.

Your OH is a cunt, sorry.

OHforDUCKScake Mon 09-Sep-13 11:21:22

Why arent you asking your OH for more inputL

VinegarDrinker Mon 09-Sep-13 11:22:10

Ignoring the glaring relationship issues for a minute, CB is paid for essentials, not to go into savings. So I wouldn't feel guilty about that for a second.

themaltesefalcon Mon 09-Sep-13 11:23:18

You are being abused. Sorry.

BlackholesAndRevelations Mon 09-Sep-13 11:24:14

Your oldest child's maintenance could go towards her food, why wouldn't it?

However I agree that your husband is a nob and why the hell do you pay half when it appears you have less coming in? How does he make it up to be equal?

microserf Mon 09-Sep-13 11:25:13

umm, another one here voting your oh is a complete twat of the highest order. this is financial abuse.

i do think cb is for essentials though so wouldn't feel bad about spending, not for a second.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Mon 09-Sep-13 11:25:17

Your OH is a shit to expect an equal split of the bills given that your income is substantially less than his.

TheVermiciousKnid Mon 09-Sep-13 11:26:25

Send your partner an invoice for childcare, cleaning etc. Exactly half of what a nanny, cleaner, housekeeper etc would cost.

What an arse.

lunar1 Mon 09-Sep-13 11:26:56

Write it all down all your income and all the expenditure. Let him see in black and white that it just doesn't add up.

There is a chance that he just doesn't realise how little you manage on. If that doesn't change anything then you will really have to think about leaving, you would probably be financially better off for a start.

bearleftmonkeyright Mon 09-Sep-13 11:27:48

The Morrisons thing has happened to me before. Forget that. The issue is your dh.

paulapantsdown Mon 09-Sep-13 11:29:17

You husband is a tosser who is financially abusing you.

MisselthwaiteManor Mon 09-Sep-13 11:29:31

Stuffing it down your bra warrants a 'comical' punch in the nads. You should not have to live like that, have a serious chat with him and if he won't budge then consider your other options.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Mon 09-Sep-13 11:33:57

This is financial abuse.

What does your OH do with all his extra money? Why are you in this arrangement? It's terrible, what a tosser.

AuchAyethenoo Mon 09-Sep-13 11:37:39

We agreed before we bought the house that everything would be split evenly. Since then we have had two children and I gave up work due to a mental health issue.

His argument for carrying on the original agreement is that I should have thought about this possibility, apparently 'I moved the goal posts'.

FobblyWoof Mon 09-Sep-13 11:37:59

He pretends to stuff it down your bra? shock .

It was all sounding awful before you said that- it juat ramped it up to another level.

FrenchRuby Mon 09-Sep-13 11:40:43

Your OH sounds horrible sad

Pobblewhohasnotoes Mon 09-Sep-13 11:42:43

OP please read about financial abuse.

Yes things change within families but then you adjust to accommodate that. My DH contributes more than I do as I earn less now I'm part time and we have DS.

MrsDeVere Mon 09-Sep-13 11:42:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

craftynclothy Mon 09-Sep-13 11:43:13

What TheVermiciousKnid said.

FrenchRuby Mon 09-Sep-13 11:43:16

We agreed before we bought the house that everything would be split evenly. Since then we have had two children and I gave up work due to a mental health issue.

But if he earns more than you then that's hardly fair is it?
Dh works, I don't. He paid (before we moved into mils to save for a house) rent and bills and I paid for shopping. Now he puts what would have been out rent into savings and pays for car stuff and I pay for shopping still.

MisselthwaiteManor Mon 09-Sep-13 11:44:03

you moved the goalposts by having a mental health issue? hmm he is a monumental dickhead OP. What do you get out of this arrangement? What's keeping you there?

HomeIsWhereTheHeartIs Mon 09-Sep-13 11:44:11

Joint account... All of your money goes in, all of your bills/savings/expenses go out. Split anything that's left over as pocket money for each of you.
I couldn't live any other way. But decisions re employment/more kids etc have to be made together.

froubylou Mon 09-Sep-13 11:45:50

What a wanker.

Change the goalposts completely and leave.

Unless you massively overspend on silly things or have a problem managing money you should both have equal access to family income ie wages or tc etc.

LuisSuarezTeeth Mon 09-Sep-13 11:46:21

What??? Illness is moving goal posts?

Charge him for his share of the childcare. In fact no, get him to pay maintenance. You are a family not house sharers.

Grade A twunt.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now