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Am I flogging a dead horse? Feel rejected.

(13 Posts)
EmbersUndone Sat 07-Sep-13 17:07:15

I have been married for almost eight years, two young DC. I've been feeling bored within the marriage for some time, everything is alright on the surface, but you know how I mean, it's just become dull and habitual. I've had my head turned a couple of times in recent months, but it has never gone further, and I don't want it to, so I have really been trying to put my energy into bringing the 'sexy' back into our life. I'm just not sure it is worth my energies any more.
The DC are away this weekend, so a great chance for a bit of him and me
time, so today I secretly went and bought a very cute and sexy neglige and thong set, and when DH had gone out this afternoon I put it on, took a picture and sent it to him with the message "I bought a little something for later wink"
His reply....

Not a kiss, not a wow, nothing. Just Cool.

It felt like a slap in the face, I almost burst into tears, and I'm not usually an emotional person. I manged to reply with "Cool? Really? That's all you got?"

He then possibly realised how unenthusiastic his response was and it seems he did try to make up for it when he responded with "Looks good. Best cancel my plans for tonight. x"

I don't know, am I being overly sensitive? I can't be bothered now, any thrill it gave me to send him a 'sexy' picture with a promise of something later on has been killed now.
I am so fed up.

yellowballoons Sat 07-Sep-13 17:16:35

What is the rest of your life like? Boring too?

EmbersUndone Sat 07-Sep-13 17:27:40

It depends if you mean my own life or our life together. I would say it is ordinary, he works full time, I work a little from home, I am doing a college course which will lead to a degree, and we both like to spend time with our own friends. It is just the together part that is mundane, the sitting and watching T.V every evening that we are at home together. Either that or he sits on the lap top in the lounge and I sit at the computer in the other room. It is just dull and I think we probably take each other for granted much of the time. It is hard to get a real, decent conversation out of him, try as I might.
We do spend our weekend doing family things with the children, and 'free' time doesn't happen all that often, so I have really been trying to put a bit of spark and romance back into the marriage, and sometimes it feels like it is working for a little while, but it so quickly goes back to being boring.
It's trivial stuff isn't it?
Is there a remedy??!

EmbersUndone Sat 07-Sep-13 17:33:42

My god I sound pathetic and whiny! I just want some spark and zing in our sex life I think, and to feel like the effort I am putting in is being noticed. I have never, ever, sent him any sort of saucy picture by text before now, and I had hoped it would be a nice surprise, a little booster to lead to an evening of passionate love-making but I've gone right off the boil now!!

Temptation keeps knocking at my door, and so far I have refused to answer it, but recently I can't help feeling like maybe it wouldn't be so bad. sad

HoopersGinger Sat 07-Sep-13 17:35:14

Yeah, cool is certainly a lame response. Maybe you should have said " oops! It wasn't meant for you, sorry smile "

yellowballoons Sat 07-Sep-13 18:05:44

The rest of your life doesnt sound boring to me, but I suppose it depends on the person.
Yes, it sounds like your sex life is not enough for you.

"cool" would be fine for me, but again, I am not you.

I would recommend that if both of you are on computers, or one is watching tv or whatever, that you are both in the same room. fwiw, when DH and I sorted out our living arrangements, I sort of insisted, that all things like that were to be done in the same room.

Have you actually had a conversation with him about all of this? He might relish jazzing things up as well?

SpottyDottie Sat 07-Sep-13 20:13:21

Hang on, he had other plans for tonight??

cosydressinggown Sat 07-Sep-13 20:48:17

So upsetting and hurtful. Sorry. sad

Zarqoun Sat 07-Sep-13 21:00:12

Perhaps instead of using the toe curling term love-making you could tell him you need a good hard seeing to you might get a more enthuastic response? grin

MrsKnowName Sat 07-Sep-13 21:10:23

oh god this sounds just like my situation!!! been with dh10 years this year but only married 2yrs. its been over 5 months since we had sex!!! he never wants to. it drives me mad. worse is when I try discuss it with him he won't engage with me! argh I too just want a bit of a spark and excitement. I really feel for you, your not alone.

Shapechanger Sat 07-Sep-13 21:24:31

Perhaps instead of using the toe curling term love-making you could tell him you need a good hard seeing to you might get a more enthuastic response?

Fucking hell, OP comes on here with problem and gets mocked for her choice of words...nice. That's not what OP said to him anyway, she sent him a picture that rather implies she wants a 'seeing to', didn't she?

EmbersUndone Sun 08-Sep-13 09:31:54

SpottyDotty Yes he had plans for this evening. But those plans were only to go round his mates house (next door) for a couple of cans, which incidentally he had done the previous evening anyway. So I don't think it was a great sacrifice to call off his 'plans'?

YellowBalloons I haven't had a full and frank conversation about this, I find it quite difficult to broach the subject, but I will, last night taught me something, and am feeling a lot more confident today.

Zarqoun Funny you should say that, and Shapechanger is absolutely right, I didn't ask him to make love to me <shudder>, I would wet myself laughing if he or I used that term in person!

MrsKnowName Thank you for your response. Your situation does sound similar to mine. But as I said, I learned something last night. I decided to get over my strop, and go with it anyway, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and accepted that really he is just lame at doing the sexy romantic stuff! I kept the lingerie on, and when he text me to say he was on his way home, I replied with a tease and said 'Let's hope you are bringing flowers/chocolate/wine smile'
So he did, and we did the whole 'date night' thing (except on dates I would probably wear something a little less revealing grin), we had a candle-lit dinner, music, wine, and a lot of lovely proper TALKING. We realised it is something we just don't do anymore, and he even said it reminded him of when we were first dating.
Anyway, the evening went on as expected... <ho hum> and we agreed to do it more often, and recognise that we need to show each other love and affection a lot more.
I don't know how long it will last mind you, but I will keep trying to keep the love alive, I think we just both found it too easy to get stuck in a rut and take each other for granted.

He was absolutely stunned by my surprise behaviour, as it is something we simply have never done, but he liked it, I liked it, so I feel much braver about doing it gain in the future. Perhaps it is something you could try with your DH? It worked, it really did.

yellowballoons Sun 08-Sep-13 15:16:44

Glad things worked out well op.

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