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How do you deal with someone who says nasty things but then says that you have misunderstood her?

(14 Posts)
mytimewillcome Sat 07-Sep-13 08:06:35

MIL does this all the time. Most recently said to dh that his brother said that we didn't deserve a visit from her(we're taking a stand against her at the moment), he was on her own with her. When fil said that his other son didn't say that she quickly denied saying it saying he had misunderstood her. She has done this to me a lot and is now doing it to him. What can you say when someone constantly says that you have misheard, misunderstood or have made it up yourself? I know it's a power thing for her because it makes the other person feel small but what would be the best retort?

Roshbegosh Sat 07-Sep-13 08:10:57

Do you want to stay on good terms with her (such as they are) or will you risk a fall out? You could repeat the words back to her and ask her how she thinks they would be interpreted or say "well I'm glad you didn't mean to be the nasty bitch you came across as"

KristyThomas Sat 07-Sep-13 08:16:31

I think I'd just go with a raised eyebrow and, "Yeah, that seems to happen a lot with you, doesn't it?"

Same statement every time. It reduces her power because it's difficult for her to pull you up on it (because it's true), but makes it clear to her that she's not actually fooling anyone.

CeliaFate Sat 07-Sep-13 08:43:34

I'd repeat her exact words back to her, ask her to clarify how I could have misunderstood. I'd also say, "So, what you are saying is..." and then when she back tracks say, "Oh, that's completely the opposite of how I understood your meaning."
Keep throwing questions at her to clarify, she'll soon shut up.

BlissfullyIgnorant Sat 07-Sep-13 08:44:29

Having been accused of "coming to be insulted" and "misunderstanding" many times, I just now make her the butt of jokes. Usually at the time it happens, otherwise she can go into lapsed memory/denial.

These thanks are for you because it's horrible, isn't it?

CeliaFate Sat 07-Sep-13 08:53:02

Just to add, people are usually only exceptionally rude or embellish things when they think they'll get away with it.
Bite back and she'll see she can't make those comments to you.

Squitten Sat 07-Sep-13 08:53:59

I agree you should pin her down.

"So when you said (repeat her words back), what did you mean then?"

Once she starts getting cornered a few times, she'll stop!

clam Sat 07-Sep-13 09:28:02

What squitten said.

Viking1 Sat 07-Sep-13 09:54:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

brokenhearted55 Sat 07-Sep-13 11:53:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scarletforya Sat 07-Sep-13 11:58:32

Record her!

Gruntfuttock Sat 07-Sep-13 12:10:15

Brokenhearted what happened when you played it back to her?

mytimewillcome Sat 07-Sep-13 15:08:08

I have thought about recording her! And yes I too have had all guns blazing and the 'I'm very ill' mode as well! How funny that she fits that mild perfectly!

I cut contact with her but she's now started on dh. I think the repeating back to her is good advice but its quite difficult to say something straight away and then of course there is the denial.

brokenhearted55 Sun 08-Sep-13 14:57:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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