How soon to start dating again?

[Bumpstarter]

Hi everyone.

I have recently 1( month) definitively split from my partner of 10 years after an 8 month trial separation. I feel great.

I am determined to get fit, rebuild my social life and be myself.

I arranged a meet up with a male friend I have known for about 15 years. I didn't think too much of it, but I am starting to think it as a date now, as there was a brief moment when we did fancy each other a long time ago, but we have never both been single.

I am letting myself get quite excited about it, as he is a great guy, fab dad, etc et .

I'm just posting on here because I know in the back of my mind that it's a bad idea to get involved with someone else just now... Please remind me why, and give me tips on how to know it's time!

[Gretagumbo]

I'm going with 6 months. It's what is advised by relationship therapists. I feel great too, it's fab isn't it!

I also have a guy that there is a deffo spark there. I've been 3 months out of jail and I'm just pondering what to do about him also x

[thatstripedthing]

Is it too early? As long as it feels good, it's fine. Perhaps not for anything serious however - you'll look back in a year and think yourself bonkers.

[Bumpstarter]

Hi greta! I'm just so happy now! The first few months were tough, and I shed tears, and the last couple of months were hard because I knew in my heart that it had to finish. So I kind of feel I have been through the detaching process anyway.

I guess I will see what happens next week! must stop fb stalking him!

[Bumpstarter]

Striped.. No, no I am not bonkers, I swear!

[FreeAtLastAtLongLast]

I think that you need to follow your instincts. Does the 'too soon' feeling accompany a sense of fear or obligation about your ex? If so, move on. If this feeling is just about you, and how you feel, then take your time.

However, your second post suggests the first have fun if it's what you want!

[Gretagumbo]

Meh go for it, do what feels right. X

[KittyVonCatsworth]

I say a month for every year before you start looking for your next serious relationship. Until then, do what makes you feel good :-) xx

[KittyVonCatsworth]

So, 2 months by the looks of it ;-) xx

[akaWisey]

I think it's time when you aren't thinking about and comparing new guy with old guy, when you can visit places you used to with old guy without feeling a pang of anything, when you know that you'd truthfully be happy for old guy if he met someone also, and if you aren't too excited about new guy, and if it doesn't work out with new guy you're not left feeling like you've failed.

Well, that's how it is for me anyway. Good luck though!

[Bumpstarter]

Thanks for your input. I feel I need to take it slowly. I have always been a bit 100% about men.... It's all or nothing for me, and I think this has not helped me make the right decisions sometimes. I am not going to let myself get too excited about this date, and just enjoy each others company.

[Bumpstarter]

Ps wisey, your name suits you!