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Really annoying person I could get my own back on... but should I?

(148 Posts)
LemonDrizzled Fri 06-Sep-13 13:47:04

Looking for some votes here for or against while I decide what to do.

Two years ago I was helping organise a charity event and somebody who didn't know I was the chairman of the volunteer sports club involved was obnoxious to me. Gratuitously rude and insulting. I withdrew with dignity and said to her "I hope you never want to join our Club in the future". She didn't know at the time I was senior management.

Now two years later she has applied to join with her new partner and I could "black ball" her. She has friends who have begged me not to, she has turned over a new leaf, she is with a new man etc etc.

I have done stupid things myself in the past, and maybe I should give her the benefit of the doubt. But already she has upset me again with this, and I will have to socialise with her for years potentially.

So do I block her application and look petty? Or be the bigger person and say nothing? This is a very small place...

Mendeleyev Fri 13-Sep-13 10:57:39

Have you had the meeting? Has she been admitted?

BadLad Sun 08-Sep-13 16:00:06

I'd black ball her.

Thumbwitch Sun 08-Sep-13 14:47:43

No problem, Vivacia. smile

Vivacia Sun 08-Sep-13 07:08:56

Apologies thumbwitch I didn't read carefully enough and misinterpreted your post.

NotDead Sun 08-Sep-13 03:06:32

yeah, it will upset the universe if once you have the power to be an asshole you don’t use that power to be an asshole hmm

Make the decision as you would with anyone -are tgey going to be a good member.

Making prejudicial decisions because of how you judged a situation when you clearly felt threatened is unserstandable, but not necessarily the best outcome.

Be as professional as you can and judge carefully with the information you have.

As a tip when someone is aggressive to me I reflect that I may have caught them on a day when their partner left them, they lost their job and didn't eat for 6 hours.

Try meeting face to face and talking frankly about your concern s...

Thumbwitch Sun 08-Sep-13 01:21:00

Vivacia, if you'd read more carefully, I said "IF you're still dithering" to Lemon.
That is not the same as saying "you're still dithering". Well, not in my world anyway.

GlaikitFizzog Sat 07-Sep-13 22:21:49

Fencing club or polo maybes?

Ooh or a rifle club! Don't want to piss off someone with access to guns!

Vivacia Sat 07-Sep-13 22:20:21

It's interesting, but I don't think it'd be my cup of tea. Any social thing I've been involved with has been related to sports. You pay your subs and have the normal drama of getting on with some, getting irritated by others and so on.

MorrisZapp Sat 07-Sep-13 22:19:09

The only clubs I'd ever like to join are the kind where you set up a direct debit then turn up.

Bogeyface Sat 07-Sep-13 22:15:21

Nah, tennis club.

BoffinMum Sat 07-Sep-13 22:14:11

Golf club

Boomba Sat 07-Sep-13 22:04:46

vivacia doesn't sound like the kind of club id like to join. Its like Stepford Wives/Borg type hideousness.

rude lady had a lucky escape probably

Vivacia Sat 07-Sep-13 21:55:37

Ok, I'm learning. There are clubs which you can only join by being allowed to do so by all of the other members (or is just a committee of senior members)?

I don't think I have ever known anything like this. Is it related to geography or specific sport or something?

MissManaged Sat 07-Sep-13 21:04:17

Ethically - you should probably abstain from the vote.

Realistically - what is voting about if not judging on the suitability of the applicant. You have good reason to not consider the applicant suitable, and only third party word of mouth to say that there has been a substantial character change, so you can justify black-balling.

Bogeyface Sat 07-Sep-13 21:03:09


I think that the title of the thread should have been "WIBU to be secretly happy to blackball someone not suitable for our club, as she was a bitch to me?"

I think then no one would have an issue. She should do what is right for the club and I think that blackballing is the way to go on that, especially as the OP has said that the nominee will go apeshit so proving the point. The way she got her cronies involved indicates someone who isnt used to not getting their own way. However, I wouldnt think her U to take secret delight in doing it given their history. The wording is all I think, so yes you have a point, but equally, so does the OP!

Boomba Sat 07-Sep-13 20:58:07

The title of the thread is;

really annoying person I could get my own back on...but should I?

I dont think OPs motives are to 'protect the club'....she is simply considering wielding her power to teach this rude-woman a lesson, for a slight 2 years ago!!!

We don't even know what the woman did/said to be considered to be so rude, or the context or anything...

Snazzyenjoyingsummer Sat 07-Sep-13 20:27:15

Alanna1 plenty of people have hevay responsibilities, and bad days, and still manage not to be, as the OP put it 'gratuitously rude and insulting'. If you find you can't stop yourself being 'mean' on a regular basis, maybe you should be working on your own attitude instead of lecturing the OP about hers.

RenterNomad Sat 07-Sep-13 20:26:25

It's important to remember that this isn't recruitment of an employee, a process which has to be seen to be transparent and is also subject to various laws; it's a private club, and this woman isn't being discriminated against on some sort of vulnerable minority basis (unless mouthy twats are vulnerable... or a minority... hmm).

GuybrushThreepwoodMP Sat 07-Sep-13 19:44:53

If you grant her entry to your cheese-rolling club or whatever it is, can it be on a trial basis? If she doesn't behave, kick her out? You would be the bigger person.

BoffinMum Sat 07-Sep-13 19:42:25

Liking does not come into it. Acting in the interests if the club's wider membership does.

Boomba Sat 07-Sep-13 19:39:31

You cant block someone's application, because you don't like her!!!! I cant believe how many of you think that is ok. That's abuse of your position

you should decline to be part of the process

Alanna1 Sat 07-Sep-13 18:17:35

Is this for real? I've not read all of the above.

Who knows why she was rude. Maybe she struggles with depression or is lonely. Maybe something pulled a trigger. Let she who is without blame throw the first stone. I can be mean sometimes, usually because as the mother of two under two and working FT sometimes my tether is far shorter than it should be and sometimes a day treats you harshly.

She obviously has friends willing to stick up for her. I think that's worth something.

Vivacia Sat 07-Sep-13 16:30:32

You said she's dithering, I disagreed.

Thumbwitch Sat 07-Sep-13 15:44:19

Lemon hasn't MADE the decision yet. She doesn't need to tell anyone what it is, even when she HAS made it. I don't really know what you're on about, tbh.

Vivacia Sat 07-Sep-13 15:38:03

Her decision is to talk about it at the meeting, Lemon hasn't even told us what her decision is. I don't think anyone can expect more.

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