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Husband having dinner at Nobu with female friend while I'm at home with kids

(65 Posts)
orangeblosssom Thu 05-Sep-13 23:16:00

Opinions please.
Found out today that husband had dinner at Nobu last Thursday with female friend. To make it worse, we went there for our anniversary last year.
He did tell me was going to a meeting with her but didn't know about the details.
Saw it on her Facebook page.

garlicbargain Fri 06-Sep-13 11:19:00

Charity, you're wrong about this dinner, but you'd missed my point anyway. When somebody's going out to lovely restaurants, theatres, whatever, the fact that it's all on expenses doesn't stop it being a social life. That's the whole purpose of business entertainment - to have a good time and forge close relationships.

It's a bit tough when one partner has this and the other's at home.

OctopusPete8 Fri 06-Sep-13 11:25:21

So she's single again, & likes to discuss her marriage with your H, spent a night in a hotel together, Is flirty?

No I wouldn't like it. How is she with you?

Wellwobbly Fri 06-Sep-13 11:46:00

This sort of thing absolutely used to get me too, Orange.

So you have my sympathy!

I must say that unfortunately for me it was indicative of a wider attitude.

IIWY I would give him a calm, clear and deadly warning that you will not tolerate cheating or any other sign being taken for granted as a domestic entity and could he bear this in mind, because if he shows you continued disrespect he can gaze in YaYa's eyes for the rest of his life.

PLEASE book 10 day's holiday of his leave, and he can be a SAHM whilst you fuck off on your own.

I have really really had it burned into me that all the time we go along with/tolerate being taken for granted, we are in fact agreeing with it and setting ourselves up.

Please believe me on this one!

Wellwobbly Fri 06-Sep-13 11:55:07

Agree with AF, could people please rtft.

This is not good:

"She is a business partner and friend.
My insecurities stem from when they had to stay in a hotel, when my little one was 8 weeks old. I know nothing happened but I couldn't help but think that I would have loved to have a night away at a hotel too.
This hotel stay was a business thing.
My husband has meeting most evenings so we don't talk like we used to before we had our 2 kids.
I didn't ask about their meeting last week, because we've had massive arguments about her and trust issues before.
She is currently trying to divorce her husband but still lives with him.
I know she likes to discuss her marriage problems with my husband.
She's pretty flirtatious but my husband says not with."

Your husband is lying about the flirtatious.

You need to Have a Talk outlined in my suggestion above. Calm and deadly OP. He needs to be warned NOW. You could shock him out of the slippery slope.

And, YaYa if you are reading? Get ahold of yourself, woman. Divorce the twat, work out why it went wrong and find someone who is NOT MARRIED for the attention you crave.

garlicbargain Fri 06-Sep-13 11:55:49

Good advice, wobbly, imo.

AuntieStella Fri 06-Sep-13 12:01:26

"D"H is meeting a woman he knows from work in secret, in circumstances that look like a date, and admits they spend the time talking about her emotional life?

You don't have "trust issues", OP, you have a husband who is behaing like a shit and expecting you to put up with it.

lunar1 Fri 06-Sep-13 12:03:56

I wouldn't be happy about this, why does he need to be out every night leaving you alone with the children? The relationship crosses a line really and is too intimate.

Pipparivers Fri 06-Sep-13 12:15:03

Your H sounds like a dick but im not sure the woman is a problem. One of my best friends is a man, when I was married there was no problem. Within weeks of my marriage breakdown my friends wife started to obviously feel uncomfortable with him and I spending anytime together. I feel deeply hurt that someone thinks that because I am divorced that I am going to become a home wrecking whore! We no longer have a meaningful friendship because he obviously and rightly needs to protect his family. And that means not seeing me because it makes his wife feel insecure. I no longer have my exh or my best friend and it hurts. Cut her some slack.

MarshaBrady Fri 06-Sep-13 12:19:07

Nope I would not like this either.

I don't blame you op.

elastamum Fri 06-Sep-13 12:24:41

I think you are right to be worried.

My exH had a 'friend' like this one. They used to work together and travelled together a lot. I didnt like her as she was all over him and usually blanked me. He always told me I was being silly and there was nothing in it. A year after we divorced he married her hmm (they are now divorced though)

Wellwobbly Fri 06-Sep-13 12:34:40

'You don't have "trust issues", OP, you have a husband who is behaing like a shit and expecting you to put up with it.'

3 cheers for Auntie Stella, for nailing it!! Follow your wise inner voice OP, it is telling you you are unhappy for a REASON. Your H is on the Shirley Glass slippery slope, and a timely intervention could shock him. Tonight? You need to ask for his phone. Do you have Ya Ya's mobile phone no? Key it in because sadly it might be under Mike Brown in the contacts.

Trust issues. Sheesh, sadly you can really tell the posters who have never been taken for granted/betrayed, from the counsellors/people who have and can spot it in nanoseconds.

mignonette Fri 06-Sep-13 12:39:55

YaYa as in 'Get your YaYa's out'? How naff.

Time to have a little talk w/ her I think and reinforce some boundaries. And state quite clearly that you wish her to find another agony aunt.

As for DH, we were given instinct for a good reason and in my experience, ignoring them leads to problems. Deal w/ this now and make it clear to him that contact w/ her outside of strictly work is over. If he has issues w/ this that should tell you a lot. It is not about your 'unreasonable jealousy' as he might try to frame it but about him not wanting to burden you w/ worry and insecurity.

When you truly love and respect somebody, you go out of your way to not hurt them.

theoriginalandbestrookie Fri 06-Sep-13 12:41:28

I would not find what your H did at all acceptable and I have no reason whatsoever not to trust him.

DH tells me if he (very rarely) meets any of his female colleagues/ex-colleagues for lunch. He wouldn't dream in a million years of going out for dinner to a swanky restaurant with one, nor for that matter, would I go out with a male colleague/friend.

Oh and his quality over quantity family time, complete bollocks sprouted by some blokes to get out of the tedious aspects of child care.

MarshaBrady Fri 06-Sep-13 12:42:06

I agree. And I don't think it's even at a cheating issue thing here.

It's more that you don't do this stuff and make your dh or dw feel awful.

Dh goes out all the time to swish places and I don't particularly think he is untrustworthy, but I still wouldn't be happy for all the reasons you mention op.

And it would further annoy me if it was put down to insecurity.

QueenofallIsee Fri 06-Sep-13 14:14:53

YaYa?? What a douche bag

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