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Dh keeps doing something I don't like in bed

(561 Posts)
Moochicken Mon 02-Sep-13 22:10:43

Without wanting to go into too much detail, dh keeps doing something during sex which I don't like. I ask him not to and after a few minutes he does it anyway.

It doesn't happen every time but he did it again last night. He apologized after and said he won't do it again (he says this everytime) and now he can't understand why I'm still pissed off.

How seriously would you take this? If I said no and stopped sex he would listen and would never force me to do something but I still feel uncomfortable that he basically ignores my wishes.

Oh dear lord frigging I could have written that word for word. Youre out, I'm out. But so many arent and threads like this do so much damage.

Johnny5needsinput Fri 06-Sep-13 19:11:49

Frig sad

MrsMinkBernardLundy Fri 06-Sep-13 18:24:15

FRMD sorry for your terrible experiences.

I needed time from my first post to articulate what I wanted to say so it came out right

You articulated it amazingly well. A brilliant and moving post about the death by 1000 cuts that is domestic abuse.


PrincessFlirtyPants Fri 06-Sep-13 18:02:20

Yep, reported. I'm concerned that some of the abusers who have descended on this tread maybe getting off on some of the horrific experiences posters have shared.

perfectstorm Fri 06-Sep-13 17:47:02

Also reported.

SparkyTGD Fri 06-Sep-13 17:37:54

Sorry what you have been through Friggin and glad you got out.

Have also reported thread.

blueskiesandbutterflies Fri 06-Sep-13 17:23:58

Friggin that's so awful. Your ex sounds delightful. Sorry you had to go through that.

FrigginRexManningDay Fri 06-Sep-13 17:04:50

Thank you everyone for your wishes.

I needed time from my first post to articulate what I wanted to say so it came out right. I think for a lot of people on this board in abusive relationships have been slowly cooked little things and little things over time. Its difficult for it to be reflected back at hem in glaring technicolour.

Fairenuff Fri 06-Sep-13 16:55:48

FRMD I'm sorry you were put through that, well done for getting out of it.

FrigginRexManningDay Fri 06-Sep-13 16:53:39

I am out of it,but many people arn't and sometimes I think when a thread like this highlights the bad in their relationships they need to rationalise it because they are conditioned to do so.

MissDD1971 Fri 06-Sep-13 16:52:32

Chocolate starfish.

I had a SO (now ex) who wanted anal. it was worse cos years before I'd done it with another SO (who went on to be my fiance but then we split).

I told the other SO and he kept pestering me for anal. annoyingly so. he eventually rimmed me when we were away for a weekend in Copenhagen. I hated that too. No we didn't last.

SnookyPooky Fri 06-Sep-13 16:52:01

Anyone who puts a finger or any other part of their anatomy in my bum deserves to be shat on.

AnyFucker Fri 06-Sep-13 16:51:57

I am so sorry you experienced that, FRMD

LurcioLovesFrankie Fri 06-Sep-13 16:49:32

So sorry to hear that FRMD - but glad to hear you're out of it now.

And it's experiences like yours which make me despair of posters who think it is appropriate to troll/ use this as an excuse to jump up and down shouting "look at how cool I am about sex"/ simply make bloody stupid flippant remarks.

valiumredhead Fri 06-Sep-13 16:49:19

Oh lovesad

FrigginRexManningDay Fri 06-Sep-13 16:46:41

I was with my ex for four years. At the beginning he was wonderful,every woman's dream man. He helped me see my faults and correct them. My flaws were highlighted so I could hide them,he nurtured me to be a proper housewife. But I was impulsive and excitable,not what he wanted in a wife so he helped me control that,showed me the people in my life that encouraged it and I took his advise not to see them. He was my first experienced sexual partner,he showed me how to do what he liked,made me practice til I was good enough,even when I was tired,when I was I'll,when I was heavily pregnant he showed me that his sexual pleasure and happiness was important. And I wanted to keep him happy,if I didn't I would have to live with his disapproval. When our baby was born I wasn't a good mother,he told me how to do it better. I found ways to get him to help,by giving him a blowjob the day I came out of hospital. I did this all willingly because I loved him. I wasn't being beaten or held down and raped.
Except I didn't realise that I was being abused sexually,emotionally because it built up bit by bit over the years. He had controlled and made me dependant on him so slowly and deliberately that I didn't even realise. It took me a long time to realise after he left what exactly he had done. Years later I still have moments of clarity about things he did. When you are in the middle of the fog you can't see what is happening.

Fairenuff Fri 06-Sep-13 16:44:29


blueskiesandbutterflies Fri 06-Sep-13 16:43:12

* ooh, apologies oxford English is not my first language. Guess I should've googled the right word: non-consensual. What is this , Mastermind?

AF, name calling, how intelligent of you!

I guess this isn't such an open forum after all.

Fairenuff Fri 06-Sep-13 16:41:43

OK, well, if all those in favour report, it should come to their attention pretty quick.

AnyFucker Fri 06-Sep-13 16:41:14

Yep, reported, every body else who agrees should do the same x

AnyFucker Fri 06-Sep-13 16:40:31

Op said she was leaving it ages ago, and it's descended into a fertile breeding ground for the fuckwits

It's ok, hq, you may use my phraseology for the lockdown message if you wish smile

Ledkr Fri 06-Sep-13 16:39:55

I was going to suggest that too. Can they do that?

LurcioLovesFrankie Fri 06-Sep-13 16:39:43

I've reported one poster, but not the thread as a whole.

Fairenuff Fri 06-Sep-13 16:38:31

I agree, AF, have you reported?

AnyFucker Fri 06-Sep-13 16:37:24

HQ should lock this thread now. It's been invaded by idiots.

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