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Abusive texts/unhinged behaviour from ex. Police?

(10 Posts)
Wereonourway Mon 02-Sep-13 21:42:27

I've posted before about ex and his ea when we were together and it has continued verbally via text since we split a year ago.

I'll try not to drip feed but don't want an essay so I'll try to summarise.

I engaged a solicitor re contact with ds. He hasn't. Have attempted mediation but he won't respond to phone calls/letters from them.

Basically his behaviour is worsening if anything(always via text) and it always hinges on him saying he misses me/he's sorry/he would be the best partner ever etc.

He is civil to a point until he realises I won't budge. (I maintain a calm, non aggressive response to him- no I don't want to be with you but would like some degree of civility etc)

I say or do nothing to prompt any kind if reaction to him but he is recently saying things via text which are nasty, really quite nasty(think c word, slag, slut, evil etc) and I've actually had enough.

Counselling and advice from solicitor has lessened the emotional impact of his behaviour on me, I'm more pissed off than anything. I just want a peaceful life for me and more importantly my ds.

My solicitor wrote to him several months ago and "warned him" about the abusive texts. He believes I have control over our son and uses this to excuse his behaviour. In fact I do have majority of time with ds but this is, I believe, for good reason. He often is late or cancels contact for example. His work is chaotic and he in unreliable and takes very little responsibility for anything in his life..

At the moment I try so har to maintain a peaceful positive persona around ds, especially at handovers etc. it's obviously a one way street and the effect on ds is one thing in scared of.

Back to main question, what would the police do if I approached them about the texts? Some could be seen as treats but they're not clear cut. It's more the name calling and general nastiness.

My solicitor left the firm a month or so ago and attempts to get appointments are near impossible, as are call backs or anything. Could my legal aid be transferred to another firm?

I want him to stop being nasty and abusive, I want him to know he doesn't have the right to speak to me like this. I am planning on getting another phone especially for him and only turning it on during contact but feel this isn't enough.

I've tried so long for peace between us bt its not gonna work, I accept that now and the frequency and tone of texts is increasing and nasty and need Ito stop.

Would police take action or would it be a waste of time?

I'm also increasingly worried about ex's mindset and the effect it will have on ds, is it all merged(behaviours/contact) or is it seen as 2 seperate issues.

I really don't know where to turn

Hassled Mon 02-Sep-13 21:45:27

It has to be worth a shot. A word from the local copper may well be all he needs. I'd give them a call and see what they say.

And absolutely get the separate phone.

It sounds absolutely shit for you - I'm sorry.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Mon 02-Sep-13 23:32:22

Hi OP. Look up the Protection ftom Harassment Act 1997. It has two prongs: the criminal offence, and the civil wrong or tort. Harassment: a course of conduct repeated at least twice which alarms or distresses thr victim.

The police deal with the criminal offence. They take particular interest in threats of violence. If they don't feel it would be worth prosecuting, you can go the civil route where less proof is needed. It costs about £150 through a County Court for an injunction hearing. You need to write to him first with a Letter before Action, detailing the behaviour complained of and requesting it cease.

I've done one as a layperson; it's not rocket science. Ask in Legal sbout Litigation in Person.


Wereonourway Tue 03-Sep-13 07:57:16

Thank you. My solicitor originally mentioned a non molestation order.

It's shit that it comes to this. I've tried very hard to keep the peace but its gone on too long.

I'll ring solicitor again this morning and request an appointment ASAP.

Montessorisam Tue 03-Sep-13 08:41:34

Hi there, I can relate to what you are saying...I split from my Ex about 4 months ago. We have 3 kids so I have to still have in our lives. If something happens to trigger him e.g he didn't want the kids saturday night when saturday night is his night...I put my foot down and he then hurled and is still hurling abuse at me, then he makes my life hell. I have done a LOT of crying and of course it makes you think you should just do as he wants for an easier life!! Should I have just said ok to him not wanting kids on a saturday night? Probably, but then he would walk all over me! It is so hard. I would like to put something legal in place but I haven't got any money to pay for anything so I'm stuck trying to just deal with it myself. I've ignored texts, I've ignored threats to hit me (saturday night when he finally collected). Then, because I can be feisty, I get pushed so far and hurl it all back at him. It's not a nice way to live and I've had enough too! There should be something in place to help women like us not have to deal with this!!!

converselover Tue 03-Sep-13 08:54:57

I am becoming minute expert on bunny boilers (male and female)! Police will not be interested in texts. They will be concerned with any violence, inc threatening it, physical visits to home etc. But keep a diary and copies of all texts because he may escalate and this will help you get police action if he does. Change your phone asap.
It sounds though like things start ok ish and then him (and you a bit?) Lose control and it escalates away. Would mediation be a possibility? Know sounds tough but might help settle things down if you can see other sides perspective and get some structure and get a business like communication re kids that works better.
It sounds really horrid but not unrecoverable.

Wereonourway Tue 03-Sep-13 08:57:33

I know exactly how you feel. I was exactly like you this time last year. I've learned that retaliating only hurts me.

Luckily I saw a solicitor before legal aid was ended for new cases so all letters and appointments are covered but certainly looks like next step is some sort of formal action which will cost.

I'm so afraid that his attitude will rub off on ds, I can only stay strong and positive and calm and will continue to do so.

What's worrying is that he thinks his behaviour is ok, normal even. I'm determined that he isn't gonna bring me down any more!

Meglet Tue 03-Sep-13 08:59:52

Yes, you can go to the police. My XP was fined for it. IIRC they gave him the option of a fine or caution.

He didn't do it again.

moanymandy Tue 03-Sep-13 09:19:46

my brother was having trouble with his ex in tjis way. h
she was sending text message after text message daily. he had enough took his phone to the police and showed them they called her to warn her that if she continues she will be arrested fir harassment and only to text in regards to their dd.

They took him seriously and it stopped to constant abuse via text anyway!
I would say take your phone yo your local police station and see what they say. good luck

moanymandy Tue 03-Sep-13 09:20:48

sorry for typos! didn't check before I posted! blush

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