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Urgh, I'm going to have to tell DP I don't want another baby :(

(29 Posts)
Titsalinabumsquash Mon 02-Sep-13 11:35:25

I have 3 children, 2 from a previous relationship and 1 with DP. We've always said we wanted 2 together and had planned to think about another in a couple of years time.

DS3 is 10 months, so I know still early days but I have had Apnd since he was born, I hate day to day life, I love all the kids but the day to day drudgery is destroying me, all I do I cry. I can't take it much longer.
My anxiety levels have sky rocketed since labour which isn't helping and I cannot shift this depression.

I don't know what will make it better but I do know I don't ever want to feel like this again which I would be risking by having another, but DP is dead set on it so I'm risking the relationship by telling him I want to stop now at 3.

He knows about the depression but he just wants me to tell him what will make it better but I don't know.

I've not seen a GP, I've never fund them to be helpful with this sort of stuff and I don't want to spend forever on antidepressants.

I was going to name change but I can't be bothered, I'm tired, fed up and miserable.

Titsalinabumsquash Mon 02-Sep-13 14:30:36

I always feel respected, DP really is very supportive but I think we're trapped in the cycle of not knowing how to move forward.

The negative thoughts about ads and drs come from drs sadly, and health visitors, medical professionals in general.

I don't remember if the ads worked before, I was on them from such a young age they just became part of life.

I miss life before DS3 so much but feel evil saying it because I do love him just like I do the others.

dollius Mon 02-Sep-13 15:16:12

Look, I have been where you are, not pnd related, but severe anxiety which tipped into depression. This was my third (diagnosed) serious and prolonged bout of depression/anxiety in my life.

I was prescribed Prozac which, at a high dose - 60mg per day - worked brilliantly for me. For the first time, I actually felt normal. I switched to Sertraline during my last pregnancy, 200mg per day.

It actually came as a great relief to be told by a perinatal psychiatrist that after two major episodes of depression, it is actually advisable to remain on ADs for life. This just took away all the worry I had about when I should come off them and what if it made me worse, etc etc.

I now take 150mg Sertraline a day (equivalent to 40g Prozac per day) and I will never come off it. It makes me normal.

In my opinion, this is me managing a condition I have in the same way that my husband uses inhalers to manage his asthma. He has to use a preventative one every day even when he is not wheezy - it's exactly the same thing.

Really, there is no point in suffering like this. You just wouldn't if it was anything other than mental health-related. Get to your GP love and put a stop to this, you deserve a happy life. If your GP is not sympathetic, then go to another one.

I know what you mean about being labelled by the GP. But, when I went to see my GP about what I thought was a stomach ulcer because I had so much pain, she rightly spotted that it was more likely anxiety, because of my history. She was absolutely right and the pains went away overnight.

GettingStrong Mon 02-Sep-13 17:27:18

You say you do feel respected and he is supportive. But going back to your thread title, maybe you would still feel a bit better if you could take some of the pressure off to have another baby.

Having your husband make light hearted comments about a fourth when you are struggling with three cannot be helping you. So even if he does mean well with his comments, could not try asking him to stop? Or maybe agree to take the pressure off totally for say a year, and then see how you both feel then?

I have been in the position of struggling with three and being pressed for a fourth, and it's horrible pressure to be under. I hope you can find a way of taking the pressure off a bit.

MadBusLady Mon 02-Sep-13 17:58:55

You sound so miserable, Titsalina. What talking therapies have you had in the past if any? I share some of your cynicism with regards treatment for depression (esp medication), but I wonder if you're resisting seeking help this time partly because you see it as a potential route to getting better and therefore "able to have another child".

It isn't going to be like that (whatever your DP may think!) You getting better is a goal in itself, and then you can deal with the ttc decision. If he thinks it's a good idea to get you to the GP, maybe he needs to play a more active part in making that happen. Why doesn't he ring up and make an appointment for you, take the morning off and go in with you, or look after the DC so you can go unhampered? Those basic steps are so, so hard in the middle of depression. Or he could help you find some private talking therapy (assuming the NHS waiting list is a mile long which it usually is).

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