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For all those ladies who are in the midst of a break up (being left by wankbadgers/cheated on etc) and need cheering up...

(32 Posts)
shanelle5 Mon 02-Sep-13 10:02:00

Been reading through a few posts lately and really able to empathise with what the poor OP are feeling and going through as that was me a year ago. (almost to the day).

Thought Id post and give something to hopefully make them smile and offer a bit of hope.

My ex, was horrible, EA, manipulative, lying, childish, manchild but I stayed with him as I was too scared to be alone, didnt think I could do it, had such low self esteem and also for my DC who I felt I owed it to, to give them a "proper" family. He was a great Dad but shite partner, the kids loved him and I stayed far too long believing it was for them. (and also being to wek to go it alone)

I finally grew a pair when he txt me one Sunday evening telling me he was not coming home. (Again) I was 33 weeks pregnant and he had treated me crap throughout, leaving twice before.
These episodes were, looking back, engineered. He would blow up a small row, walk out, have a night or 2 out getting shit faced, sleep in a nice hotel somewhere, have a lie in then start his come back campaign which always ended up with ME apologising and ending up feeling grateful he was coming home)

This final time I STILL felt huge amounts of fear and nausea of being alone but faked some guts and txt him back with an ultimatum. "Im not playing this game anymore, I am 7.5 months pregnant, we have kids at home waiting for you, we need security/stability so get your butt home right now and stay home/stop leaving or dont come back at all"

He never came.

He continued to be a selfish twunt through the rest of my pregnancy, this then led to me telling him a month later to leave us alone and I gave birth without him, just txt him when baby was born.

Oh dont get me wrong its been HARD. Ive had terrible finacial difficulties due to his running off, im currently facing eviction as not able to pay rent alone on the huge "family" home we leased. Ive missed him (sorry, but being honest) and grieved endlessly for the life and future I thought we had. Its somewhat spoiled the time with my beautiful Son who is now 9 months old as Ive been getting over what he did and picking myself up, trying to scrape together my self esteem and patch up the other DC hurt and damage. Im not saying its been easy, far from it of course.

BUT WAIT, this is a positive tale.... I have never once cried myself to sleep since he left as I did when he was here. I feel less lonely OUT of our relationship that I ever did IN it. I am stronger and braver than I ever thought I was, Im PROUD of myself and what Ive acheieved, that feels GOOD!

And the icing on the cake.. I recently in the last month or so have started getting a bit more friendly with the EX as we have had to have contact for DS. I dont let him have the baby alone yet as he is too young, so we tried contact center initially but it was God Awful, like prison visits and I decided I was strong enough by this point to grit my teeth through an hour or so in a ball pond, park, coffee shop for DS to see his Father. At first this was hard, he has done exceptionally well with a new business and is loaded and successful. No such thing as Karma I used to mutter after each and every week after hearing him brag for an hour all excitedly about how much £££ he was expecting while I returned home to my/our joint debts and my very meagre life with the kids and their Ebay clothes and toys!

And here it comes. He has now admitted he is a fool. Made a huge mistake. Miserable as sin. Lives in a caravan! Yes business is doing really really well, he is likely to be a very wealthy man by the end of the year but its all hollow alone. Oh and he still loves me and DC, particularly new DS, and would I get back with him????

Would I fuck! grin

3 times hes begged me this last 10 days and Ive had great pleasure in letting him know I could never again, trust him or forgive him and as such, would never put my DC in that position again where he would let them down. It felt GOOD!! [SMILE]

And the next twist is this. I actually thought for a few silly seconds that he HAD changed. He seemed genuinelly sorry and that maybe we could be friends. He has learned a lesson etc. I admit, I was suckered in again, he took my first rejection really well and was seemingly in agreement that I couldnt get over what he did etc. We continued on for a further week making foundations to being freinds. A new ease fell and I let felt comfortable thinking it would continue. But no!

This week he showed his true colours, reverted to type and that he has not changed one jot. Bombarding me with txts during the night 3am etc putting endless pressure on me to get back together. Minimising and justifying all he did, never once talking of my feelings in all this and what he can do to make things better etc all about him him HIM and what he wants! Still!
This man has some ego, thinking he can just click his fingers and Ill fall at his feet again. That after a few lunches/gifts for DC we are so easily bought. Does he think he is THAT irresistable and Gods gift? And truly, he hasnt aged well, the lack of sleep and stress hes gone through in the last year has aged him terribly, hes got lines under his eyes and has also put on a fair bit of weight. Terrible hair cut, bad dress sense.
Im actually insulted that he thinks I will roll over like the doormat he expects me to be.

Anyway, I digress, there is another point. After this last no from me, done really kindly, nicely and with caring words he got nasty. Sent me a few spiteful txts and got really shitty with me. Only this time I didnt have to fake having some balls and was able to txt him back right away with out any hesitation " I dont take this shit anymore, thought you would have learned that by now. Stop contactng me, Im reverting to our email only contact of previous times.End of" Cue switching off phone and smile to self in the final realisation of how far Ive come.

This isnt a big myself up post. Good grief I nearly fell for it again, silly me only days ago. I also felt the old nausea and anxiety creep in after the txts got nasty, found it hard. But I wanted to share a tale of how true it is that anyone going through this - and it seems to be a sadly frequent tale on here, you CAN do it, you WILL get through this, you ARE strong enough and you DO deserve better!

Have some self respect, if you dont or your self esteem is too low, fake it until it becomes reality! I am there, and it really, truly does happen.

He on the other hand, is the epitomy af sad, lonely, loser who got what he deserved. The wise ladies of MN said this would happen and it did in all its glory.

Wishing the best endings for all of you who have or are, going thorugh similar xxx

Catwoman12 Tue 03-Sep-13 19:00:14

Thank you Shannel, I am finding it so difficult just now, i hope that I can look back and say the same as you, I'm sure I will, it's just hard to imagine right now... One brave face coming right up! Xx

Lizzabadger Tue 03-Sep-13 19:07:37

Good on you Shanelle !!

Catwoman12 Tue 03-Sep-13 19:12:41

Thank you Shannel, I am finding it so difficult just now, i hope that I can look back and say the same as you, I'm sure I will, it's just hard to imagine right now... One brave face coming right up! Xx

TheOrchardKeeper Tue 03-Sep-13 19:44:58

Agree with fake it til you make it.

I'm half faking half making grin

flatbellyfella Tue 03-Sep-13 21:23:01

I missed this post,yesterday, what a great post. Well done.thanks

myroomisatip Wed 04-Sep-13 00:01:30

awwww I have a big big grin! Well done. thanks

It is so good to read a positive post.

I lurk on 'Relationships' a lot, it helped me enormously with my own problems even though I never posted about them. The advice given is almost always spot on, (sadly from some posters experience), I think it is just as helpful to hear from someone who has made it through that long dark tunnel into the light!

My own divorce is now through and I am lucky enough to have spent my day and evening with my Ex SIL and BIL. I am so grateful that they still want to see me!

SlangKing Wed 04-Sep-13 04:20:09

Well done OP. If everyone had your courage this board'd be bereft of content.

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