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H finds married life boring

(50 Posts)
QuiteSo Fri 30-Aug-13 17:54:40

That's it really - H says things are dull with me and 2dc so he spends 3-4 nights out a week mainly with colleagues who have no kids, at pubs/nightclubs/parties till the early hours of the morning.

Was just wondering whether this is common among other people's husbands. When I was growing up, my father worked long hours but was home every evening and did domestic things (reading, TV, DIY). I just feel my H is acting like a student and not like a 40-something married father.

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 30-Aug-13 17:58:38

No, it is not common amongst other people's H's.

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

readysteady Fri 30-Aug-13 17:59:19

No not normal! I have to encourage my partner to go out more with his friends. What's he like at weekends? Does he arrange a babysitter so you can both go out? Did he actually say you and DC were boring? Xx

motherinferior Fri 30-Aug-13 17:59:31

IMO family life is quite boring but that is no excuse for behaving like a total arse, which is what he is doing.

No, my partner does not spend half the week out with childfree friends. We both have one evening a week when we're out, doing our own stuff (I sing, he does t'ai chi) and I go out more than he does the rest of the time but not till the small hours.

nomorecrumbs Fri 30-Aug-13 18:00:40

WTF, what the hell is your H doing to make life more fun for the both of you ?!

Selfish bastard.

patienceisvirtuous Fri 30-Aug-13 18:01:10

He is being a hideous arse.

How do you respond to him saying/doing this?

BigBoobiedBertha Fri 30-Aug-13 18:03:20

Not common at all. I don't know anybody who goes out like that except students. Maybe tie-free 20 somethings are able to do that and hold down a job. I am wondering how a 40 something man with responsibilities can do it though. He sounds selfish and immature.

LadyMilfordHaven Fri 30-Aug-13 18:04:49

My h likes to go out early evening to talk bloke to his mates - doesnt bother me now kids are older - I tend to go out when I choose too.

life is boring, occasionally punctuated by good bits

do you both go out together ever?

WhoNickedMyName Fri 30-Aug-13 18:05:17

Well I agree that married life is boring at times, especially if you're quite a sociable person, and having young DC can be quite restrictive.

Does he spend money you cant afford? Do you mind him going out so much, and if you do, have you told him?

LadyMilfordHaven Fri 30-Aug-13 18:05:22

oh not every evening - couple of nights a week

Iwaswatchingthat Fri 30-Aug-13 18:08:27

That is a real insult to you and your DC OP.

No it is not normal and not acceptable.

He needs to work to improve things if he is bored, not just run away.

I feel for you OP - everyone deserves to be cherished by their DH.

Coconutty Fri 30-Aug-13 18:10:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iwaswatchingthat Fri 30-Aug-13 18:11:51

Straight to the point coconutty grin

ivykaty44 Fri 30-Aug-13 18:12:28

I should think lit is dull living with him if he is out all the time and leaves you holding the babies.

Does he arrange a babysitter and take you out any time?

Does he arrange weekends away as a family?

Does he arrange day trips to family type places or city breaks?

Does he arrange picnics out some where that is not dull?

What has he done to inspire anything other than this dullness he complains about?

QuiteSo Fri 30-Aug-13 18:15:00

Attila, I suppose I get money in the bank (although I do work part time as well) and a pile of dirty laundry.

We used to go out occasionally, with a babysitter for the DCs, but he always complained that it wasn't for long enough/interesting enough/I wasn't dressed up enough and therefore wasn't making an effort, so to be honest I don't feel like going out with him anyway. sad

ladymalfoy Fri 30-Aug-13 18:15:29

If he craves excitement could you vary the fillings in his sandwiches? Cat shit and kitty litter surprise maybe?
Bits from the plug hole in the kitchen sink with mayo?

soaccidentprone Fri 30-Aug-13 18:19:47

Book him a bungee jump as a surprise, or a vasectomy.

Or immac his eyebrows when he's asleep grin

Mumsyblouse Fri 30-Aug-13 18:23:06

So- fine for you to be bored, not him. Fine to call you boring, put you down, leave you at home and him to live the life of a single person. Perhaps you might consider letting him live that life permanently, as he's adding nothing currently to your life and is insulting you to boot.

LEMisdisappointed Fri 30-Aug-13 18:23:47

you wasn't dressed up enough? shock fuck that! surprise him wiht a petition for divorce!

LadyMilfordHaven Fri 30-Aug-13 18:24:30

is there more to this than just going out?

do you feel good about yourself? Have you been out with mates? Are you sure he hasnt another woman somewhere?

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 30-Aug-13 18:25:07

SO you get nothing of real consequence out of this.

What sort of relationship model is being portrayed to your children here?.

Why on earth are you still together?.

Back2Two Fri 30-Aug-13 18:27:26

Yup. If he's bored already then just cut to the chase and suggest a divorce.

He sounds like a cock, sorry.
How old is he? 40-something?

You deserve better OP.

FreckleyGirlAbroad Fri 30-Aug-13 18:30:08

This post makes me feel really sad. The fact that his children are not enough entertainment to keep him at home is heartbreaking. What sort of person was he like before the dc came along??

LovesBeingOnHoliday Fri 30-Aug-13 18:31:18

Not common and not on

nomorecrumbs Fri 30-Aug-13 18:46:50

If he wants to live like a student, then join in!

Don't do his washing or cleaning and cook the most basic, unimaginative food you can muster. Leave empties around the place and stay in bed and play computer games as much as you can. Get Amazon packages delivered to the house and act mysterious about the contents. Stay in your PJ's all day until it's time to leave the house, then dress as trampy as your wardrobe will allow. Spend all the rest of your time staring out of the window.

Nah seriously, if you want to make another go of it with your H, maybe your need to find common ground again? Are there activities you both particularly like doing? Can you get someone to babysit the DCs while you both go out together? You need to find that tender spot with each other again and the only way is through shared positive experiences.

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