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'Only joking!' Was this guy using humour as a way of undermining me?

(45 Posts)
superstarheartbreaker Thu 29-Aug-13 23:19:05

I am a trained teacher and I work in education. I just spent the evening with a guy (second date) who went on and on taking the piss about the long holidays that teachers get and that he thought that teachers should stop moaning about cuts as they have it so easy. Mabe he's right but I felt that he's undremining my profession. Dump right? I think I will as I hate all this 'lets take the piss and yet say only joking when you get defensive.'

LifeofPo Thu 29-Aug-13 23:20:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FlippinMarvellous Thu 29-Aug-13 23:22:19


Tommy Thu 29-Aug-13 23:22:30

agree with lifeofpo - if he was interested and interesting, he would have asked you about your job instead of thinking he knew all about it

MyCatHasStaff Thu 29-Aug-13 23:22:39

He's an idiot who has no respect for your profession.

MNiscold Thu 29-Aug-13 23:23:40

What MyCat said!!

Selks Thu 29-Aug-13 23:24:15


something2say Thu 29-Aug-13 23:27:31

Yeah red flag city

Walkacrossthesand Thu 29-Aug-13 23:27:53

'Only joking' is an inadequate response to being pulled up on an unkind/rude remark. 'Sorry - I meant it as a joke but I can see that it was inappropriate, sorry' is entirely different but is not what these people say - or mean. Dump! <gavel>

superstarheartbreaker Thu 29-Aug-13 23:37:09

What a twat he is. Such a shame as I thought he seemed so lovely on the fiirst date. It's only a matter of time before he starts trying to undermine my parenting skills, cooking, dress sense etc. Twat.

whitesugar Thu 29-Aug-13 23:42:19

I am going to get flamed but some teachers don't half complain a lot. You don't hear surgeons, police, fire crew or cleaners banging on and on about their jobs as much as you do teachers. It's like it came as a surprise to some teachers that they have to mark homework and that children are cheeky and hard to control at times. Before I get roasted 4 members of my close family including my dad who is in his 80's were/are teachers. My dad didn't spend his time moaning about his job, he just got on with it. He loves kids and loved teaching. The kids were a pain in the arse but he tried to get them on his side. My other relatives and some close friends manage to do this as well even though it is tough. They love their jobs.

My DCs are teenagers and like teachers who treat them with respect and have a laugh. They detest teachers who treat them like crap and insult them.

No doubt you are a great teacher and you didn't deserve to be slagged off like that. A lot of people do think that teachers have it relatively easy because they finish work at 3ish and have a lot of time off. Yes teachers have to work after 3pm but so do I and most of my friends and family and we are not off at Christmas, Easter and summer with a few mid-terms thrown in between. Its probably just the vociferous lazy teachers who get the airplay so the perception is that they are a pack of moaners.

It wasn't very nice of your date to criticise you and maybe he is not for you.

LifeofPo Thu 29-Aug-13 23:45:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SusuwatariToes Thu 29-Aug-13 23:50:27

If he was joking he should have been apologetic and embarrassed when he realised that he had offended you, not defensive.

LemonPeculiarJones Thu 29-Aug-13 23:53:22

Dump him, definitely.

superlambanana Thu 29-Aug-13 23:54:12

Whitesugar I've done stressful non-teaching jobs and stressful teaching jobs. Teaching is a hell of a lot harder.

OP I think it depends on what you think of him overall. If you like him, tell him it upset you. If he's mortified and apologetic, maybe give him another chance. If he's not, dump!

whitesugar Thu 29-Aug-13 23:56:03

Maybe but having put through DCs through primary and secondary school I have heard some teachers moan a lot more than the wide range of people I have worked with over the years. I do believe that it is the public perception that teachers seem to complain a lot. I definitely think that the OP's date was insensitive and he is not the man for her.

Callmedreckly Thu 29-Aug-13 23:56:40

What job does he do?

Ask him if he's a footballer & does he play for Knob-Head United? grin

BlackDaisies Thu 29-Aug-13 23:59:09

I don't think the point is about whether or not teachers have it easy or moan either. The point is you were on your second date and he spent the time criticising your profession. He hasn't got a clue yet what sort of teacher you are, or sound very interested in finding out either. Lose him!

fifi669 Fri 30-Aug-13 00:04:27

I think you're being a little sensitive actually....

I'm an accountant so I get a fair few jokes too.

Apart from the jokes do you like him? If so, next time he tries to make a joke about it just ignore him or say yawn haven't heard that before etc. I doubt he'd bother again.

superstarheartbreaker Fri 30-Aug-13 00:09:45

fifi669...I think the problem is I've been with so many controlling types now that I am always on the look out for undermining behaviour.
In fact I know that teachers do moan but I never moaned to him about my profession; in fact I said that I wanted to return to return to full time teaching as I missed the challenge.
He said 'so what time do you get home then...3 o'clock?' Do you just come home and put your feet up? shock Er no....I have a 5 year old dick head. I then got criticised for having a sun tan from my holiday abroad (wrinkles and skin cancer don't ya know) Of course there is an element of truth but where was the romance? Where was the 'you look lovely, my what an impressive job you have!
As for next time...there won't be a next time!

ChuffMuffin Fri 30-Aug-13 00:10:49

Arrrrggghhh I hate it when people do this. They'll express a controversial opinion they obviously agree with, gauge your reaction and then say "only joking" when they see you looking like hmm. Jokes are usually funny, nobber.

superstarheartbreaker Fri 30-Aug-13 00:10:52

Sorry ..I didn't mean that my 5 year old is a dick head...she is lovely!!! He's a dick head!

expatinscotland Fri 30-Aug-13 00:12:53

This is only a second date and he's showing himself to be a twat.

Get rid.

Tacky, rude and uncalled for.

expatinscotland Fri 30-Aug-13 00:14:53

''so what time do you get home then...3 o'clock?' Do you just come home and put your feet up? shock Er no....I have a 5 year old dick head. I then got criticised for having a sun tan from my holiday abroad (wrinkles and skin cancer don't ya know) '

I'd have got up and left. 'So, you're a prick! Only joking! Bye, arsehole.'

whitesugar Fri 30-Aug-13 00:15:50

He definitely isn't the man for you. There is joking and there is joking. He was being mean. You deserve a lot better. At least your radar is working now, you picked up on his behaviour straightaway.

SBanana maybe you just weren't suited to teaching.

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