Trying not to waffly on for ages, we've had a tricky relationship with DB and SIL for a while now. They have 3 young DC and since eldest DN was born they have been become very insular and distanced from the family (just me, DB and parents). I don't know entirely what has caused it, though the driving factor seems to be SIL - she's very protective of her kids, to the point that they have never mixed with other children, rarely leave the house, primary school for the eldest is even in question. When we did have more regular contact with them it was very restricted and suggested day trips, walks to the park etc were always vetoed. Not sure if that's relevant but trying not to drip feed.
Despite us originally living quite near I've not have very much contact with them, and especially not now they've moved quite a long way away. They still see our parents occasionally, mostly at our parents instigating contact, but I haven't seen them or spoken to them in well over a year. We were never that close but still exchanged the odd emails, texts, cards and gifts. I have emailed and texted a few times recently with no response, have still sent birthday and Christmas cards and texted on the day, again with no response.
DD was born 18 months ago. We didn't get a phone call or card for Christmas or her 1st birthday (I want to stress it's not the gifts I'm remotely interested in, it's the contact). At first I thought they were probably still busy with the move and their young DC and didn't think much of it.
My parents went for a rare visit this week. Eldest DN, nearly school age, was looking at my dad's phone and saw photos of DD. He asked who she was. Dad said it was 'A'. DN looked blank so dad said further, "Auntie Marguerite's little girl". DN still had no idea who he was talking about (about DD, not me). During this conversation DB and SIL didn't ask anything about me or DD, not even a basic 'how are they doing?'
I've tried to be lighthearted about this in the past but realising this has really hurt me. My parents want to try and maintain contact and so I've been keeping up a bit of a pretence and not talking about DB very much, other than asking after the family when they've seen him or spoken to him, as I don't want to hurt them. I imagine realising your only two children now have absolutely nothing to do with each other is hardly a cheerful thought. I know sometimes on MN there's a feeling that it's selfish or demanding to expect other people to be interested in your DC but... this has hurt. A lot. To not even acknowledge that your niece exists? I thought that was fairly standard. I don't want a fuss, but it seems so strange to me that the DN's don't even know they have a cousin.
I'm not sure what to do now. I'm not even sure how I feel about this deep down. I guess I'm not losing a lot from my life by not having any further contact with DB and family, but it seems very sad and final
Does anyone have any wise words or advice?
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Relationships
DB and SIL haven't acknowledged DD exists...
MargueriteA · 27/08/2013 15:58
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