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PlayStation widow. Any advice?

(12 Posts)
WrenNatsworthy Mon 26-Aug-13 13:42:20

We've just returned from our family holiday. It was wonderful. I even felt some sexual desire for DH, which has been rare since DS (5) was born.

I've just been reading a thread in AIBU about women infantilising men (I don't), and some comments there prompted me to start this one.

Life is a juggling act for us at the moment. I have 3 p/t jobs, he works f/t in a job that's physically tiring. He pulls his weight on all household jobs, so no complaints there.
However he is always extra tired because he stays up late playing games on the Xbox or PS3. I go out to work 3 evenings a week so he can do it then with pleasure, but once he is into a game, it takes over. I have asked time and again that he turn it off sometimes and comes to bed early so we can have a chat, and maybe even sex, but nothing ever changes. When I bring up the sex thing he says he's too tired. Last year I nearly ended up having an affair because someone attractive paid me some attention. I put the brakes on, and I told DH all about it.
Things have improved since then, but not in the bedroom. The only time we've had sex is when I bought some sexy underwear from Ann Summers on our anniversary. This was last Autumn. I don't think we've had sex all year.

I can't finish this post as DS has just walked in. Any advice welcome!

onefewernow Mon 26-Aug-13 13:54:47

He might just be selfish.

However, my H spent years up late on the computer, and it turned out he had a sex chatting habit with young women. Might be worth a check?

WrenNatsworthy Mon 26-Aug-13 15:39:38

I'm not concerned about that kind of thing no. He is a complete Luddite,barely uses his mobile and doesn't have a Facebook account.

I'm more after suggestions to improve things, we're in a good place at the moment and I'm wanting to build on that. We'd have had sex on holiday if my period hadn't come in the middle of it.

Floralnomad Mon 26-Aug-13 15:47:32

I don't think your problem is the consoles TBH . There can't be many men who would prefer a game to sex ,has he perhaps got a medical problem or does he just not fancy you anymore . I think you should have a frank discussion with him again .

Thumbwitch Mon 26-Aug-13 15:52:19

I think, and this is probably an obvious thing to say, that he's using the gaming to avoid sex. Probably because gaming requires less energy than sex? As in, even if he's tired, he could probably still manage a game to wind down; but having sex is not just about him winding down, it's about two people, and he would have to put effort in to make it worthwhile - effort he might not have the energy for.
Does that make any sense?

onefewernow Mon 26-Aug-13 15:57:23

Well you are not happy one way or the other, and most women would not be.

He is putting himself before you and prefers his own company. He avoids sex. And you nearly had an affair.

From what I can see, your only options are to talk to him, and expect a two way conversation. Also I think you need some boundaries to articulate regarding what you can tolerate. If he can't agree to those either in theory or practice your only options are a split or Relate.

WrenNatsworthy Mon 26-Aug-13 16:04:40

I think you hit the nail on the head thumbwitch.
We are both tired a lot of the time. We are never going to be morning people, and DS is! We are older parents too.

Relate isn't something we can afford unfortunately, but our communication has been good lately, so I think I'm ready to bring it up again. We had fun on our holiday, it did us so much good. We laughed lots. Its not all doom and gloom.

nooka Mon 26-Aug-13 16:31:14

My dh is a big gamer, and although I'm not usually that into games I have recently got completely hooked on Monster Hunter. Some games just eat time and once you start it's hard to stop. Essentially it's escapism, a reward after a boring day that doesn't require much effort. A bit of plug in and tune out. For dh and me we find that playing together regularly helps, so we try and have a couple of co-operative games on the go.

Is your ds a very early riser by any chance?

Wellwobbly Mon 26-Aug-13 16:41:15

Put them in the microwave for 3 minutes?

Wellwobbly Mon 26-Aug-13 16:41:32

Or talk to him about it, probably healthier!!!!!

WrenNatsworthy Mon 26-Aug-13 16:54:43

On occasions he is, yes Nooka

I've been tempted to chuck them out the window but we watch blurays and DVDs on them!

40howdidthishappen Wed 22-Feb-17 12:32:46

I know this is an old thread so don't expect a response but just in case I was wondering how things are now for you WrenNatsworthy? I am in the same position and could do with something to give me hope

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