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(35 Posts)
notnotnee Fri 23-Aug-13 11:34:23

Ok. so that's a bit of an exageration.

Where to start. My stepdaughter is 26 yrs old and has a very poor education, therefore can only do menial jobs. She cleans and waitresses. She starts a job, loves it then leaves. She is always pleading poverty and dropping hints about how poor she is. Her Dad in the past has bailed her out far too much and so have her Grandparents which has made it all too easy.

On top of this, she smokes dope daily and seems to me to be a bit of an emotional wreck. Cries very easily and always seems to be in a bad place.

Her manners are apalling and she seems to think the world owes her a living. Its all about Me, Me, Me. What can I get out of my Dad, he owes me, kind of attitude.

I am trying really hard to bite my tongue but am finding it increasingly difficult to like her, let alone, love her. What dosnt help, is my husband says nothing. Dosnt want to upset her as he rarely sees her.

It is driving me mad. I cannot say anything without it causing a row. Should I just put up and shut up or should I continue to try to make him see what a mess she is and man up and say something to her, in the hope she may see sense???

PatriciaHolm Fri 23-Aug-13 14:14:37

How is your relationship with your DH? You don't sound as if you respect him very much either, tbh, for good reason.

Jan45 Fri 23-Aug-13 15:14:57

Right so you know he's basically a crap parent, you're happy to stay with him so if I was you I'd leave it alone cos you will never win or be right.

stepmooster Fri 23-Aug-13 16:25:07

She's a drug addict, as she says she can't function without it. Until she kicks the weed she will never change. That's something she's got to want and can't be forced.

Every time someone helps her financially they are enabling her addiction.

My mother was an alcoholic and prescription drug abuser for many years.

I think DH wants to save his daughter, as I wanted to save my mother. He's on a hiding to nothing but he's got to figure that out for himself.

Sometimes addicts need to see what they've lost in order to turn things around.

pumpkinsweetie Fri 23-Aug-13 17:05:33

I wouldn't get involved in this at all. This is your dp & his ex partner's job, this girls sounds like she has many issues. She does sound in need of growing up, being in her late 20's but it's up to her parents to help her with that. There could be many reasons behind her behaviour and drug taking. She needs help not you putting your foot in, it will only make things 10 times worse.

MrsWilberforce Fri 23-Aug-13 17:27:24

Glad to see you say the thread title is an exaggeration - she certainly doesn't sound anything like 'hell' - sad and frustrating certainly but not 'hell'. She is working, even if she has no ambition for more fulfilling roles and although the dope smoking isn't great you don't say that she's gone on to harder drugs which is the usual objection raised against dope.

It's interesting that you feel you should have to like or even love her - she is not your child and you've had no input to her upbringing so why would you? I think in her place I would resent it and she probably feels inadequate in comparison with your dc.

She sounds as if she's stuck in a teenage mindset of entitlement and resentment. Hopefully as she gets nearer to 30 she will grow up and realise she can stand alone and make a better life for herself.

Vivalasvegas1999 Mon 30-May-16 21:56:12

I am having massive troubles with y step daughter..,she is nearly 18 and hasn't spoken to me for 2 years. Before Christmas I went to go to work and the back of yr car was completely covered with kids stickers, the type you buy in Poundland. We thought it was our neighbours grandchild so mentioned it to them, and to b honest things got a bit frosty between us. It turns out today that it was my step daughter and her lovely boyfriend who drove to our house in the middle of the nigh and did it because she was pee'd off with her dad. What worries me, is what will she do next! She's nearly an adult and doing really childish stuff but where does it stop? It's causing a lot of tension between me and my other half, and I have a 13 yo son to think of as well.
I am currently sitting on the bathroom floor writing this in tears as I dint know what else to do.
Why are people soooooooo mean? I only want nice things for her, but she seems intent on being horrible to me!

MUjunkie Mon 13-Jun-16 16:09:35

i know how you feel. My DP has 2 living at home in their 20s and they are exactly like this, although neither one works. I found it so frustrating, yet the more I tried to discuss the matter the angrier and more defensive DP got.
I moved out but carried on the relationship, hoping with some distance I could manage to keep my mouth shut, but 2 years later things are worse with them if anything. They completely take advantage and know exactly what they are doing yet he can't, or won't, see it!
We got into huge fight last week and he told me he will never make them leave or stop doing what he does for them. So I ended it, I've spent 6 years trying and I'm exhausted by it. They are his "kids" (although they are actually adults) and whatever angle I came at it from it ended badly.
I definitely think keeping your opinions quiet is the best way, in my case I just couldn't keep my mouth shut lol !

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark Mon 13-Jun-16 16:12:30


ThenLaterWhenItGotDark Mon 13-Jun-16 16:13:46

The last two posters could maybe start a new thread of their own? You are unlikely to get much of a response from the people upthread who have probably moved on since 2013!

MUjunkie Mon 13-Jun-16 16:20:42

Haha didn't notice that duhhhh confused
Shows where my heads at lately lol

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