My in laws are very strange and toxic people. Have always been able to keep at a distance from them until dd arrived.
They do a lot of talking behind our backs and like to twist and blow things out of all proportion. Tonight I've given them something to really be upset about. I finally lost it and shouted at mil.
I'm normally a very calm and patient person, working with under 3s will do that to you, I've never ever come even remotely close to losing it like I did tonight.
Gmil called less than 10 minutes after dh arrived home from work, and her first words were 'why haven't we seen that baby'. We've not heard from only one other than bil for almost a month but in that time have tried to call, sent texts and emailed recent photos of dd, we've had one text back in that time.
Dh in his own words "can't be bothered with them" and has put off calling them because we can never do anything right so why try. He likes the quiet life and to do things he enjoys.
So for the first time since we've been together he actually tells gmil the truth, not that his listened to, but he tries. She lists our faults and moans about me keeping the baby to myself when they visit, 'she always takes her off to feed or change whenever we get close'.
I make the choice to listen to all of this because gmil is very used to manipulating people to get her own way and I hate it. Dh refuses to let me talk to her and eventually gets her off the phone. I'm furious and shaking with rage at this point, I tell him I'm texting mil to say this is unacceptable and he tells me not to be mean so I agree to call her instead.
Mil tells me she is sorry and she told gmil not to call us, I state that I can't accept that behavior and will not have dd around it. Mil then tells me that she isn't welcome in our home and she feels ill after visiting us, having her round is like a royal visit and dh waits on her hand a foot, she's the one who refuses to take off her coat. Since dd was born I've tried to include and welcome her but the fact of the mater is dh and I do things very differently from her. We're very informal people and live relatively simply (we buy enough to feed our small family of 3, not an army) and unless it's for work we live day to day doing what works for us. We've fallen into an attachment style of parenting and don't play pass the baby for the sake of it.
Mil is going on at us about lack of contact and I snap and tell her dh has recently only spoken to her when handed the ringing phone. She goes onto say they used to be such a close family and dh would never do that. I hand dh the phone and she descends into hysterics despite yelling at me seconds earlier. He gets her to give fil the phone who tells him this is unacceptable and he knows what gmil is like, before ending the call to calm mil down.
I'm well a wear this was the least sensible thing to do, but I'd reached my limit. As explained to dh I felt like I'd be violated and attacked in my own home and that my inner mama bear had been poked and was not happy, I needed to protect and defend my family. I'm not proud of losing my temper that way but I was pushed too far and have ignored similar instances in the past, I couldn't bring myself to do it again.
I am sorry that mil feels the way she does and for her being upset by the things that were said but they needed to be said. Dh is surprisingly alright with what I said, he isn't angry at me but apprentice about what will happen next and if there will be any relationship with his family, particually bil.
I've said I want nothing to do with gmil or mil until they both apologize and do not want dd anywhere near either of them until such a time. If I got an apology I would apologize to mil for how she was made to feel but state that I could only be pushed so far.
Gmil is the one at fault here and mil has received the brunt of my rage, but she is the one who has given a woman who is known to behave this way fuel for her fire, so has to accept some blame to. I know she is feeling just as violated as I do. I have some level of blame too and know things won't ever be the same but I think I'm okay with that and there might be the slightest chance in laws could learn from this, hell will probably freeze over first...
Now just waiting for the fall out and what may or may not happen tomorrow.
Really needed get that out, hope to sleep now.
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finally lost my temper with the inlaws, mil and gmil related!
wickedwithofthenorth · 23/08/2013 02:30
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