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so, he's has sex with a prostitute...

(121 Posts)
lolathemagnificent27 Sun 18-Aug-13 18:59:42

feeling very confused at the moment and would like some opinions please.

I met this man in february, though mutual friends, started dating in April, took things fairly slowly but got on like a house on fire, it felt right and after talking about it a few weeks ago we both agreed we were mad about each other and wanted to be together in a serious committed realtionship.

Fast forward to today when he left his mobile phone in my car by mistake but couldnt come to collect it until 2pm (i was at work)

I know, I know..I should not have done it, but thinking I was a comedy genius at the time, I went onto his facebook page to write a funny status update pretending to be him, thinking nothing of it. He saw it on his laptop we had a giggle about it and that was that.

An hour later, bored in work I thought i would have a nosey and went to his inbox. wrong, intrusive, breach of trust? maybe, but I certainly did not expect to find anything out of sorts and though I could trust him wholeheartedly so never gave it too much thought.

So the message i read was one with a very good friend of his. Lots of usual boy chat about football etc then it got a bit deeper and was reading about when my DP was on a stag-do. He was describing how it was a bit of a travel for a 'bang' (this is where I begin to feel physically sick) i think his exact words were, 'was a bit pricey too, they should've paid us after the ride we gave them, we should've went with the blondes!'

revolting or what. I was pretty shocked to say the least so scrolled up to see what else had been said. It was a few months beforehand but they were discussing a trip to amsterdam or down south for a 'strip club weekend'

I was disgusted, composed myself, put his phone away, got on with work and decided to act normal when he collected his phone and will discuss it with him at some point when I've had time to digest.

If its of any relevance, the dates of the stag doo were when we had only just met, been on a few dates and had not had sex at this point. And the 'strip club' talk was from the beginning of the year. so he was a single man free to do as he pleases and i suppose really has nothing to do with me at all. BUT, I find it repulsive none the less.

I really have no idea how I feel about the whole situation at this moment tbh. But my gut says RUN for the hills! He knows my views on strip clubs and imo someone who can pay a woman for sex is nothing but a scumbag.

so, wwyd?

I really thought this relationship would last the distance, that we had something so special, as does everyone around us, our friends/family. For the first time in a long time I felt like I could see a future together with him, to me he is the perfect gentleman, really romantic, thoughtful, caring etc. So reading this felt so alien, as if it was a completely different person! But I am well aware that people can pretend to be something they are not. Part of me hopes it was male bravado but I cannot see myself being able to be intimate with him again

could you work this through if in the same position?

BasilBabyEater Wed 21-Aug-13 10:33:25

I don't see why you'd assume the OP would never trust any man again.

Adults know that just because one man's a skank, doesn't mean all of them are.

I don't see the big deal about how it's a breach of trust etc. People have different attitudes to this - my kids know the pass code for my mobile, they could read my inbox etc., I'm not that bothered about stuff like that. I only have a rule that they're not allowed to send e-mails etc. in my name. Other people wouldn't give their password to their attorney if they were dying. That's something couples sort out with each other and the OP had already put a FB status update on his page, which he hadn't been annoyed about - they'd had a giggle about it. If he'd said "look, I really don't want you to do that, it makes me incredibly antsy about my privacy" etc., then it would have been out of order for the OP to search his inbox. But he gave very clear indicators that he's somewhat relaxed about that (more relaxed than me - I'd be pissed off if someone did a FB status update on my timeline.)

AnyFucker Tue 20-Aug-13 22:18:44

yes, Helen I just did and conceded to shelly that she was right on a particular point

no need for you to wade in

RabbitFromAHat Tue 20-Aug-13 22:12:57

Nobody is 'entitled' to sex; people who believe they are (and therefore use the sex industry, or become petulant when their partner's needs have to be put above theirs) are, to my mind, not people worth engaging with. You got a glimpse of the real him when you turned him down, and you are doing so brilliantly to have divested yourself of him, OP.

Well done! I hope the next chap you meet is much much better.

Helenlikesjewels Tue 20-Aug-13 22:12:14

The chances are the OP would never trust any man anyway, and especially after that. So best steer clear of them. It is actually possible to survive without a man, believe it or not smile

lolathemagnificent27 Tue 20-Aug-13 22:11:10

Not right to snoop I agree but I am so very, very glad I did.

I am dealing with it well back2, but I think it hasnt quite sunk in yet. I do feel sad and let down, and maybe because I had the day off work today amd DS was at nursery but I got quite upset today twice. I didnt cry over him, or the fact that we will not be together again (although I do think that will come in time) I cried thinking of the poor girls and their situation. I cried in anger of how some guys can be so disgusting and be completely ruled by their penis. It sickens me to think of the abuse they have to suffer and kind of made me hate the world a little bit

But keeping strong in my decision and not letting my heart rule my head.

Helenlikesjewels Tue 20-Aug-13 22:08:59

The reason given is: An hour later, bored in work I thought i would have a nosey and went to his inbox. wrong, intrusive, breach of trust?

Read what she wrote.

AnyFucker Tue 20-Aug-13 22:07:14

Have re read the OP, shelly and you are right, she didn't have suspicions

The outcome is the same though

She gets to dump this skank with no more thought for him. Halle-fucking-lujah.

ShellyBoobs Tue 20-Aug-13 22:05:10

OP had suspicions...

Where did you get that from?

AnyFucker Tue 20-Aug-13 22:02:14

A most noble sentiment, shelly. Sometimes RL gets in the way though. OP had suspicions, she was vindicated and is now able to protect herself from further disrespect and hurt.

I congratulate her for that. Her partner was never going to help her out with that, was he ?

ShellyBoobs Tue 20-Aug-13 21:58:24

Fair enough, Any.

I'm just of the opinion that snooping in one's partner's inbox is the end of a relationship, regardless of what's found there.

As I said, OP needs rid of the horrible arse of a man, anyway, so it's irrelevant.

AnyFucker Tue 20-Aug-13 21:49:15

Indeed it would, shelly.

But I would rather have snooped and find out what I need to know than not. And I wouldn't for one minute be making someone else feel bad about doing it.

Sometimes the end does justify the means.

ShellyBoobs Tue 20-Aug-13 21:46:10

Of course not, Any.

But what if he hadn't done anything wrong? It would still be a shit situation with the lack of trust.

Back2Two Tue 20-Aug-13 21:28:40

You seem to be taking it incredibly well.
I am impressed I have to say. I don't think that you can have been all that in to him to be honest as you seem to be very cheerfully dumping him. Which is great in the circumstances.

AnyFucker Tue 20-Aug-13 21:20:27

I don't believe you

Leverette Tue 20-Aug-13 21:18:42

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Leverette Tue 20-Aug-13 21:18:26

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LoisPuddingLane Tue 20-Aug-13 21:17:54

If you insist, Anyfucker. I'm not really an argument person.

AnyFucker Tue 20-Aug-13 21:15:12

would it

AnyFucker Tue 20-Aug-13 21:15:03

Shelly, would have been better for OP that she was still oblivious to his sleeping with prostitutes ?

AnyFucker Tue 20-Aug-13 21:13:52

Lois, this thread has a distinct whiff of prostitute-bashing.

ShellyBoobs Tue 20-Aug-13 21:02:03

The man sounds like an utter arse. You need rid of him, for sure, OP.

He sounds incredibly disrespectful and it seems as though he's only sorry that you found out, not that he did something awful.

I do think it's pretty shit that you went through his inbox, though.

LoisPuddingLane Tue 20-Aug-13 20:33:07

Who's name calling?

The fact is you don't know if they will have used protection - I imagine that some earn more money by not using protection. And if the bloke I was sleeping with has been with a prostitute who isn't using protection, it would make me feel very uneasy and a bit grubby.

KristinaM Tue 20-Aug-13 20:30:08

I agree, prostituted women are usually victims of violence, addictions, mental health problems , abuse, crime and poverty. Have some compassion

AnyFucker Tue 20-Aug-13 18:23:23

alright, alright

this bloke is a skank but let's be careful about the name calling of prostitutes, eh ? Not comfortable with that at all.

Leverette Tue 20-Aug-13 18:21:56

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