they say sometimes you realise who it was

[StupidMistakes]

The saying "you will meet in your lifetime one person who will love you more than you ever have known or will know. They will love you with every bit of their soul. They will sacrifxe, surrender and give so much that it scares you. Someday you'll realize who that is. Sometimes people realise who that was."

I realise now that no one else would have stood by me through everything he did. It must have killed him to watch me in pain and hurting. He comforted me. He didn't hold me at my strongest. But he came and held me at my weakest without judgement or questions. He was just there, never pushing for more than I was ready to give abd I let him close n then pushed him away. As hard as possible n still he stayed. He held me through my nightmares and reassured me through everything. Kept me fighting. Now I realise he was probably the only one who would have n he barely knew me. Even now he's always there. I know I fucked up n the damage is able to be repaired but I want him. Despite my actions (we were never a couple) it was always him. But I can't tell him cos I want him to be happy but I miss him, I shouldnt have pushed him away but I was a mess. It's hard to explain but with him I feel safe. And at ease. Like I can just be me.

I Wish I could go back n change things. I know I need to move on, but something keeps us going back to each other. We spend days together n nights on rare occasions. We can sleep just sleep next to each other. We have been physical and even now I know I could call n he'd be there n he could do the same.

Everyone else could see what I could not. I didnt think he wanted me, everyone else could see that all I wanted was him n he me.

Just wanted to get it out cos I'm too cowardly shy afraid to get hurt to tell him.

[Doha]

You have only one life stupidmistakes if you feel that strongly tell him- you might just get a surprise.
Don't look back in 20 years and realise that you missed an opportunity, life is too short for regrets
Go for it.

[BMW6]

Please tell him. He has surely earned the right to know.
If nothing else, he should know how much you appreciate the help and support that he has given to you all this time.

And while you're at it, tell him how much you love him.

Because you do. And he should know.

Go on girl. Do it.

[waddlecakes]

It's difficult to say, but from my own experience, the way you treat people is often directly proportionate to how much you care. You may well have strong feelings for him, feel comforted by him, but if you had loved him, I'm not sure you would have been so flippant.

You disrespected him, which does not mean you are a bad person at all. It does however mean that it's unlikely you loved him. I'd have a think about where this is coming from. Have you been rejected lately, have you seen him with another woman, have you been hurt by another man? When someone has treated us with love and kindness, its very often very easy to convince ourselves we loved that person and threw it away - when in fact, we're simply looking for a little temporary reassurance, validation and ease.

[StupidMistakes]

I acted the way I did cos I didnt want to get hurt. I pushed him away every time he got close cos every time I let anyone close I get hurt. I was still hurting when we met. I'm there for him whenever he needs me n was the only person other than family to go see him when he moved away for a few months. It was a long journey there n back on trains but I done it ad often as I could afford to. We would talk for hours on the phone every day while he was away. It was me he phoned when in trouble and me who helped him. And when I was sick it was him that knew where to find me

[waddlecakes]

Well then it seems like your feelings are very pure and run deep. You need to take your courage in both hands and tell him. You will live your whole life in regret if you don't at least tell him. Step up to the plate and give yourself a chance at happiness. What is there to be afraid of? Rejection?

[str8tothepoint]

Go get him, don't be the 'I wonder if' girl for the rest of your life x

[wellcoveredsparerib]

is he single now?

[StupidMistakes]

He is. We both are. Always have been throughout the whole time I've known him neither of us have been with anyone.

[Bulletproofmum]

So now is the time to tell him how you feel

[WhiteandGreen]

I assumed from your OP there was some reason you couldn't get together - one of you married or something. If not then there's something wrong if you can't get together.

[wellcoveredsparerib]

well, nothing to stop you then! stop prevaricating and get on with it. come back and tell us how it went.

[MadBusLady]

I think waddlecakes is on to something. Relationships cannot be sustained on gratitude alone. I see a lot if gratitude in your posts, and a great deal of framing of a One True Love nature which you are unwilling to put to the test - I'm not sure I see much of the can't-get-enough-of-him that is (IMO) necessary, at least to begin with.

But I may be completely wrong What's the worst that could happen if you tell him?

[Messandmayhem]

Do it. You will never know until you do and if you don't you will always wish you had. And if he doesn't feel the same then it will probably be easier than this living in limbo, never knowing.

[WhiteandGreen]

To be honest, some people just love helping people when they're down, they want to be the rescuer. It sounds like you have some kind of dynamic between the two of you where you are the dysfunctional one. Maybe getting together with him would perpetuate that.

[tribpot]

The old saying 'better to regret something you did than something you didn't do' seems to apply here. Take a shot at it.