Book reccomendations for siblings of an addict with an enabling mother?

[StarlightMcKenzie]

If we don't get some help now I fear we'll just leave the two of them to it to destroy themselves.

She let my brother threaten me very aggressively in front of my frightened 6 and 4 year old for 'daring' to mention I could smell cigarette smoke in my late father's house that 'they' are renovating to sell (and have been for almost 3 years with him on a wage of £200 per week plus a blank cheque for all work he says he is paying others to do, most of which never happens) with him living there with all food and bills paid whilst she is mostly banished.

She has to respond within half a minute of a text for him otherwise 'he might find it difficult to control his temper and take it out on the house, or refuse to do anything for a few days though still needing the money for drugs otherwise he'll HAVE to break the law to get them' blah blah blah.............

I'm sure those of you who have been there don't need the rest....

Anyway. My DB and I finally admitted that WE needed some support, now in our 30s as this 'relationship' has dominated most of our lives and consumed all of the energy of our parents and will without doubt kill our mother, and consume all of her resources either before or after she has gone.

Are there any books that can a)help us deal with our own issues, and b)give us more helpful responses to some of the just STUPID things that our mother says as if they are perfectly normal behaviours or justifications. Mostly she is passive aggressive and says things like 'you can choose to believe that I am doing that because of X if you like, and there is nothing I can do to change the way you choose to feel'.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

[pausingforbreath]

Starlight.
Couldn't read and run.
My upmost sympathies to you and your family.

I don't need to have anymore written to understand, I can 'hear' the exasperation / frustration in your post.

I have also been there too. It's bloody hard - watching as the 'victim' piece of shit strip your parents of everything they have .

There is no magic book, there is also nothing you or your sister can do.
I fought it for years and years. My parents just could not see how he would not 'get better/ sort himself out' - whilst they were totally enabling him to stay as be was.
Any criticism of their methods emotional blackmail on my brothers part as it was their fault he was as he was from myself was taken very personally by them.

I have in the last 10 years lost both of my parents , Mum was first . My Dad , not so long ago.

What is awful is I am happy to know he can't hurt them anymore.

Before I lost them , I realised that the only way for me to have a happy relationship with my parents was to except how they were with my brother. This didn't mean I agreed with it at all.

It was their choice if they chose to enable him , to throw their money at him ; to even think that they were doing good. That was their choice. I learnt to except that with bile rising in my throat when I stopped fighting their stupid decisions and stopped fighting against my brothers lifestyle choices, my own relationship with my parents got better.

By this time I had already cut my brother out if my life for being far too toxic and damaged - my first contact with him again was in ITU as my Mum was dying.

There are organisations that can help you as a sibling of an addict, helped me.
What they cannot do is change your Mum enabling him - it has to be her choice to stop; sadly it sounds like she doesn't. Until he gets 'better' and he won't while she continues to enable him and so it goes around and around...

You have my sympathies - if you would like some support from someone who understands , please PM me.
Sorry I could not give you that book title .