Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Is it just me or do exHs all go on to develop happy lives with the OW

(32 Posts)
Joy5 Tue 06-Aug-13 08:50:55

What is says really, my ex moved out 18 months ago, lived alone (but spending most of his time at OWs) but now moved in permanently with OW.

Everything goes his way, hes living with OW plus her 3 children is often seen out with them doing family things. Seems hes got the family life we had, until the death of our eldest son years ago.

Seems like hes destroyed our lives, and been rewarded with a nice happy new life.

borrowedlight Tue 06-Aug-13 16:40:25

My husband left me when my DS was born for the 'love of his life'. She left her DH. My EXH said it was meant to be, that she was beautiful, his destiny and that he had never loved me anyway.

I got a phone call from HER for the first time ever 2 months ago (he doesn't see our DS). She is divorcing him. He is the same, if not worse, than he was with me. They argued all the time and apparently, he left her more than 20 times over 9 years.

All that time I tortured myself imagining how amazing their life must be - how wrong I was!

IneedAyoniNickname Tue 06-Aug-13 17:06:01

My ex already had his ow lined up before he left me. I don't know if he cheated, but she was ready waiting.
He claims he left because the house was a mess, but in reality there was more to it than this.

18months later they split as he had had enough of her nagging him about about being messy! Karma hey!

Wellwobbly Tue 06-Aug-13 17:06:38

OP these men who swap one model for another (see the treating people as 'things' for their benefit?) are incapable of intimacy.

Whereas we can take this pain, mourn, learn, and go on to live more vital lives.

I am hugely sad, don't get me wrong. But I am already feeling a lot better, and finding life a lot less worrying now that he has gone.

professorgrommit Tue 06-Aug-13 17:18:59

Some do go on and have very happy new relationships with the person they left their ex spouses for and some don't. To think either is envitable is stupid wishful thinking and can make you just a bitter sad woman.
So don't dwell on it either way and accept its no longer your concern. Move on and focus on building a happy future for yourself.

Lackedpunchesforever Tue 06-Aug-13 17:25:19

When the mistress becomes the wife she creates a vacancy. I love the fact that Ex is now saddled with a screeching refluxy newborn. He hates the newborn stage, he looks like shit and she just appears to be getting more twisted and bitter as time goes on whilst 'I' dear reader have never looked better and am loving life wink

wheredidiputit Tue 06-Aug-13 17:25:50

My dad did the same 21 / 22 years ago to my mum.

He and OW on the surface lived the life he wanted (and could have had with mum as we were adults when he lift). Foreign holidays, a couple times a year. Weekends away, eating out then they wanted.

Then he got asbestos (cancer). My sister ending up taking to his appointments/hospice because his wife didn't like them. When he died my sister and uncle were with him. His wife was god knows where.

Twinklestein Tue 06-Aug-13 17:45:30

I know 2 men who say the really regret leaving their first wives. The first was an idiot who didn't value what he had until it was gone, the second was a bigger idiot who had an affair with a younger woman, wife divorced him, his OW & her mum cannily manoeuvred him into marriage before he realised that, actually he preferred his wife. Serves them both right!

The dad of a schoolfriend of mine went off with a younger woman when she was doing her A levels, had a textbook 'how not to divorce & use the children as pawns', her mum went back the US where she was from, stepmother wouldn't have her & her brother in the house. Well her father had exactly the same relationship with her stepmother as he did with her mum, same arguments everything, until she committed suicide, and left him alone & crumpled.

Not to mention the friend of my mum's husband who ran off with a Russian prostitute after 40 years of marriage (I wish I was joking).
She is well & happy with a great life, he's... dead.

I choose to believe that karma catches up with everyone in the end.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now