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Ex lets himself into my house, 99% sure of it.

(116 Posts)
SingingSilver Sat 03-Aug-13 13:16:51

My ex just came round to deliver his maintenance - the princely sum of £10 a week (and he always want to know what it will be spent on, as if I might lavishly blow it all on £10 worth of cocaine and diamonds...)

I saw him get out of his car - and walk straight round the back of the house, where he would have noticed the kitchen window open and the smell of our dinner cooking in the oven. So he walked back round and knocked.

We are normally out on a Saturday afternoon... The other relevant piece of information is that he has a key to the back door. I know this because I gave him a copy for emergencies when we were together, but he would use it to just let himself in anytime, so I took it back. From the amused look on his face when he handed it over, I suspected he'd had a copy made. Now I'm 99.999% sure he did.

I feel violated in a way, that he probably comes for a snoop around when we're not here. But there is no point saying anything, as he'd make such a fuss about being unfairly accused it's not worth it. I wish I could have caught him letting himself in.

Should I just get in the habit of leaving a key in the back door when we go out, to stop him getting in? Is there anything better I can do?

PedantMarina Thu 08-Aug-13 16:13:24

Clam, I'm only upset because you didn't share the gin. I think you can get kicked off Mumsnet for that and failing to give MNHQ their cut

clam Mon 05-Aug-13 00:24:10

OK, OK, hands up. I was being a pratt. Sorry grin

PedantMarina Sun 04-Aug-13 23:19:15

Clam I have no idea what cocaine and diamonds cost. I'm more of a fan of emeralds, and none I've seen lately cost about £10.

And I've [almost] never had to pay for cocaine (the main era I knew about it was about 3 decades and 4 dress sizes ago), so don't know for sure, but suspect it wasn't £10 even then, let alone now.

So, if you just misunderstood that I was propping up OP's sense of humour, well, I'm sad. You&I seem to be on several threads where our thinking is similar, so I don't generally believe you think I'm That Stupid (or, indeed, that You're That Stupid). In which case, I just have to believe and (if not necc respect) completely dig that you typed that post-gin.

Rooners Sun 04-Aug-13 15:12:19

Clam I think the point is that she needs to confirm he's coming in before she can take decisive action to keep him out, and/or report him to the rozzers.

SingingSilver Sun 04-Aug-13 15:05:20

You're right, I have ordered some sash jammers for the back door, I like the security aspect of them anyway (having read how easy it is for thieves to break a cylinder lock), and in the meantime I'm just leaving a key turned in the lock when I'm out.

He's not claiming benefits, he didn't like the having to look for work part of Jobseekers, so just stopped claiming.

And he won't have hacked anything, he's techno-clueless, plus I have password protection on my computer.

clam Sun 04-Aug-13 11:38:16

No, I meant the OP's original reference to it of course was. Your post seemed to indicate you had taken it seriously.
Seems not though.

LadyMilfordHaven Sun 04-Aug-13 11:30:24

Lol at insistence on second class stamps.

burberryqueen Sun 04-Aug-13 11:24:48

cheapest and easiest just to fit a bolt to the back door surely?

PedantMarina Sun 04-Aug-13 11:19:55

clam (mmmm, clams, gglllhhhhh >drool<): Of course it was.

clam Sun 04-Aug-13 09:53:11

Why does she need to faff about with stamps/sellotape on door jambs and so on? That would only confirm what she already knows, that he's been coming into her house.

And PedantMarina, the cocaine and diamnonds reference was a joke, right?

TweedWasSoLastYear Sun 04-Aug-13 09:20:35

Just buy 2 second class stamps and lick them and fix them across the door and the frame , either high up or low down.
Colour them with a felt tip if they stand out like a sore thumb.
They will tear apart if he comes in when your out.
Otherwise , change lock front and back plus make sure they are BS3621 locks as your contents insurance probably requires them.

If you can deadlock your front door and leave all the windows closed then just lean a book against the back door.It will be impossible for him to re-lean it from the outside when he leaves unless he goes out the front door - deadlocked with a Chubb , or a window - will have to be left open as cant be latched down from outside

Caster8 Sun 04-Aug-13 07:51:41

wrong not wornf!

Caster8 Sun 04-Aug-13 07:51:13

What is wornf with proof WhiteandGreen? Better than not knowing and wondering.

PedantMarina Sun 04-Aug-13 02:18:11

Am I reading this right? On paper, he's unemployed? Yet he's getting cash-in-hand jobs?

If so, I think the CSA should be your SECOND phone call, the first being: 0800 854 440 or online

Has it occurred to you that if he's letting himself in to your house, your computer may be hacked, etc? Please also get a friend who's Very Good with Computers to have a look over.

Finally, may I ask where you can even get cocaine and diamonds for only £10? It's, errm, for a friend's birthday, yeah, that's it.

WhiteandGreen Sun 04-Aug-13 01:31:59

You don't want the drama of catching him, you just want him to stop.

WhiteandGreen Sun 04-Aug-13 01:31:07

You don't want to be in a position of putting spy cameras up in your own home. Just put a bolt on the back door.

LibraryBook Sun 04-Aug-13 00:24:49

Maybe just put one of those small chain things on the back door and put the chain on before you go out, if you don't want the expense of changing the locks. And put a small padlock on your garden gate, perhaps, so he can't get round the back easily.

£10 is a miserable contribution towards your child.

SingingSilver Sat 03-Aug-13 23:45:41

I'm so annoyed that a window was open, because otherwise I think I would have caught him.

I'm toying with the idea of a cheap spy-camera gadget, something like this

Mips Sat 03-Aug-13 22:37:51

He is breaking and entering a property, which he hasnt been given a key to. This is a criminal offence.
Can you catch him out? Do you know when he comes round? Report him to the police.
I'm also sure the police will help ypu with home security if you let them know your suspicions.

SingingSilver Sat 03-Aug-13 22:18:18

I worry that I would get something wrong and end up looking at a door with no lock in it!

I've ordered sash jammers, I'll see how they work. But I am pissed off that I have to do this, that I won't be able to let myself in at the back door just because the ex is a nosey little knobber. Oh well.

SingingSilver Sat 03-Aug-13 22:16:14

Well, they lose out ultimately don't they. DS and I are so close, and he has no interest in his DF, he doesn't even dislike him, there's just nothing there. He never asks to see his DF and I actually lie and make out that he does want to, because without my meddling there would be zero contact between them.

PhallicGiraffe Sat 03-Aug-13 22:08:04

A euro lock is insanely easy and cheap to change. There is no reason why you can't do It yourself.

hermioneweasley Sat 03-Aug-13 20:47:21

These men who don't take financial responsibility for their kids give me the RAGE! Did he think that your son who he helped create didn't need feeding or clothing all those years he wasn't paying? Does he really think that £10 covers 50% of the costs? What an utter, utter cock. I hope your DS knows what a selfish, irresponsible nob his father is.

Joy5 Sat 03-Aug-13 19:16:22

If its a pvc door it will take two minutes to change the lock, look on youtube and watch a video of it. All it needs is one screw removed on the side of the door, and the cyclindor pushes out.

Then you take it to a local locksmith and ask for a replacement cyclindor (google for your nearest one, loads cheaper then B & ).

Then put it in the hole in door, replace the screw and you've changed the locks!

I'd explain myself how to do it, but not sure of the right words, and its easier to see what to do when you can watch a video.

Done it twice to stop my ex walking in when he wanted, would love to have seen his face when he realised what i'd done. Will never occur to him i did it myself. 2nd time my 18 year old had taken his fleece off at his Dads, and the keys somehow came out of his zipped pocket! He realised late that night he'd left his keys behind, so i'd changed the locks again by 10 the next morning.

cloudskitchen Sat 03-Aug-13 17:59:16

I screwed a chain into my upvc door. took some muscle power but I managed it ;)

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