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So Ashamed

(63 Posts)
grumpyoldbat Fri 02-Aug-13 13:36:17

I've been really struggling with stress and anxiety. Had a tough few years when we lost everything and now slowly building back up and trying hard to become more financially secure.

It's just been pointed out to me on another thread that I've been abusive to my DH. I'm so upset, I'm not an abusive person and I'd. No idea I was being abusive.

I'm struggling to hold it together in front of the DC. I've no idea how to fix it or make it up to him.

ParsingFancy Sun 04-Aug-13 20:24:23

Hope this weekend's work hasn't been too hideous, grumpy.

That's very familiar, about the negative memories being stronger than the positive ones. It's quite typical with depression, I think.

It does sound like you have a huge backlog of Stuff, as well as current difficult financial circumstances, to be dealing with. You're doing a sterling job of bravely carrying on, but it's a huge burden dragging you down at the moment.

Can you chase up with the GP where you are in the CBT waiting list? And that you're actually on it?

ParsingFancy Sun 04-Aug-13 20:27:27

And I know that you're worried about time off, but it's at least worth making time for the GP appointment.

If it helps, write stuff down to show the doctor - you've made a good start already with what you've written on your threads.

GPs aren't miracle workers, of course, but at least see where it takes you.

Wellwobbly Sun 04-Aug-13 20:34:01

Grumpy, there are two things which say you are a good person in touch with reality:

1. you have had the courage to take on board that you have been abusive

2. you are ashamed.

This is a very old fashioned and out of touch comment, but it is the repentence that makes for humanity, not perfection.

You have a lot of humanity OP flowers. Hold his hand in bed tonight.

ParsingFancy Sun 04-Aug-13 20:54:35

Wobbly, grumpy hasn't been abusive to her DH - she's actually been going without food so her DH can have more than her.

A poster on another thread started projecting her own issues big time and hurling around groundless, persistent and frankly bonkers accusations.

Wellwobbly Sun 04-Aug-13 21:00:32

Parsing, you are right. Calm down with your own projections, mind! (and what, exactly, is wrong with holding someone's hand? Do tell.)

Grumpy, I didn't phrase that very well. Just wanted to reassure you that the people who worry, are actually the people who are in touch with reality and the people who CAN make a change. You are a hero.

But, perhaps you shouldn't be such a hero? If you talk to him about doing more/hand over the weekly budget for him to manage,

what would he do?

Just know that you have lots of MNetters on your side through this...

skylerwhite Sun 04-Aug-13 21:20:22

Wellwobbly wtf? confused

BOF Sun 04-Aug-13 22:24:24

Grumpy, didn't you have counselling a few years ago? How did that work out? Is there a possibility you can get back in touch with mental health services? Do you have a CPN?

Wellwobbly Mon 05-Aug-13 16:01:33

Skyler, people who worry are people who care (and get better).
People who blame are fuckwits who stay stuck.

Neurotic v character disorder debate.

So although OP is feeling overwhelmed, those feelings/pain are what are going to propel her into a better situation, whether it is to let go of being the hero and let go of bearing all the burden, sit down and have a talk with H, or admit she needs outside support.

H can sit because OP has it covered, can't you see? So her desperation now is a clue. To her.

In other words, even though she is feeling at the end of her tether and desperate, it isn't defeat; it is a chance to address what she can control, her own coping mechanisms

Have people taken a stupid pill or something?

grumpyoldbat Mon 05-Aug-13 16:05:34

bof it was the counsellor who made my referral for CBT. I don't have a CPN.

Secretswitch Mon 05-Aug-13 16:20:15

Honey, I read that entire thread. Please do not take the ramblngs of another poster to heart. From my perspective, there was a huge disconnect between what you were saying and her responses. The other poster also said she had issues of her own she was coping with.
For what it's worth, we are on a very tight budget too. My stomach knots up when I see a family member munching away on a particular item I had planned to use in a particular dish. It is very disheartening.
I hope you are feeling better..

skylerwhite Mon 05-Aug-13 16:30:51

^Skyler, people who worry are people who care (and get better).
People who blame are fuckwits who stay stuck.^

How illuminating. Cripes.

BOF Mon 05-Aug-13 20:26:36

This service should be very useful to you, as it provides CBT therapy without the lengthy waiting list. You can do it at a time that's convenient to you too.

ArtexMonkey Tue 06-Aug-13 13:05:06

That CBT telephone service sounds great.

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