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How does your DH respond to the Kids when he gets home from work?

(55 Posts)
dontputmeinanoldcot Fri 02-Aug-13 13:32:29

I am a SAHM With five month baby twins and a 30 mth DS. When my DH gets home from work, he doesn't really acknowledge the DC. It doesn't matter too much with the twins because they are still very small, but it's very disconcerting when my DS looks up with joy and my DH sails past him and flings his keys in the pot and then starts chatting to me. He only acknowledges my DS when I actively tell him to, i.e. "say hello to DS, look at him as u do it " I only prompt him because poor DS is looking at him with such expectationhmm
Once we had a blazing row because he was in a bad mood and objected to me prompting him. He said that I was in a foul mood and taking it out on him. I wasn't! I was merely asking him to notice his own son!i do think he has empathy issues. He loves the DC but only on his terms. He's very much a children should be seen and not heard type of guy. My sister has observed our relationship and thinks that he views the kids as very much secondary to me. I find this off elaborate he doesn't put me on a pedestal by any means, more as a surrogate mum at times...(!)
He is quite needy-I do nag at him to take out DS in the weekends (eg to parks, national trust etc.) but he'd rather we 'all go together' which is a nice thought but really impractical with baby twins and poor DS gets sidelined as the twins are quite demanding when out...and if i suggest taking out DS on my own for 1 to 1 time, he says the same thing - "let's all go out"...

not sure why I'm posting, just getting it off my chest, I suppose...

dontputmeinanoldcot Sat 03-Aug-13 13:25:15

Well, just had a short chat with DH. Rather than getting him on the defensive by 'you're upsetting DS by ignoring him as you walk in' (he would deny and get angry), I paraphrased Potteresque's post on the happiness project - i.e. research has shown that by making a huge fuss of your DC as u walk in, they are more secure, etc. etc. I said that this is particularly relevant since the twins have arrived...He's agreed to work on it ...
Having said that, more work has to be done in other areas. I'm bfing on sofa and DH is sorting out lunch for DS and himself. Well, he's just come in, munching his sandwich and yapping at me, while leaving DS to eat on his own at the tableconfused

Andro Sat 03-Aug-13 16:10:52

DH's process:

Get home
Go straight upstairs for a change of clothes
Greets me
Wraps both dc in a huge hug
Sides briefcase into his office

My process is the same when I'm home after him.

AaDB Sat 03-Aug-13 21:56:37

We only have one child and we tag team. If one of us is with him, the other is getting on with dinner, laundry or whatever. I don't understand the serving thing. If you work together you both get downtime. I think he should take all three DC out of 2 hours at the weekend so you can unwind (and not tidy up).

It is nice to go out as a family but we don't always. I take ds out on Saturday morning because I don't lie in. DH takes him out in the afternoon. We both get a break. We go out or spend the day in the garden on Sunday.

I'm not the best at playing games. It's better now he is 6 and we can play board games or pretend. When he was smaller, playing consisted of me commentating on what he was doing.

Potteresque97 Sat 03-Aug-13 22:40:45

You expressed it much more clearly, hopefully he will change. Maybe that sort of research based approach will appeal to him for other behaviors you want to change for your dc's sake.

Earthworms Sat 03-Aug-13 22:55:06

The thought of dd's happy face when I get in is what sustains me through the commute.

As I gone in the door she shouts 'mummy' and hurtles to me and we hav hugs and a chat. Then I go through and talk to dh. Then we do bath time / bedtime together and only then when she's in bed do we have a grown up chat.

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