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The Dating Thread - episode 60

(1000 Posts)
Djangounhinged Wed 31-Jul-13 17:21:11

If I may?

ALittleStranger Wed 31-Jul-13 19:21:21

Well in that case definitely don't say anything. Why not just treat the fourth date for what a fourth date is: getting to know each other a bit more, finding out what's nerves, seeing if the sex gets better, etc etc. I think you're putting too much store into the risk of shagging and running. Besides if she does get pissed off for that she'll probably put it down to some awfully rude British dating style and you can use anthropological dating mores to absolve yourself.

ALittleStranger Wed 31-Jul-13 19:23:04

And Lubey that sounds fantastic. It's so nice to start thread 60 with a success story.

OhWesternWind Wed 31-Jul-13 19:29:59

Mama I might be old and cynical but I think he's planning on getting you into bed, I really do. Are you sure about going back to his? I'm just a bit worried that he'll be thinking you're up for it - I know accepting an invitation to someone's house doesn't/shouldn't mean that, but just be careful. Don't forget to let someone know where you'll be etc etc.

Welcome Cocoa, just jump in and post!

Bant Wed 31-Jul-13 19:37:51

I'm with OWW. When in a dating situation, the possibility of sex is always hovering in the background, and inviting someone back to yours to stay 'in the spare room' or in fact accepting that invite can always be seen as a coy proposition or acceptance of it.

Just be careful, mama

bigstrongmama Wed 31-Jul-13 19:50:08

Oh man, now I just do not know what to do...
Warn him beforehand he's not getting any?!
Book last minute room somewhere? Actually that might be a plan...

I would just like to stay at his and give him a chance to be gentlemanly...and really would like to get a bit 'closer'...

OhWesternWind Wed 31-Jul-13 20:05:08

Mama, if you want to, go for it! Nothing wrong with that if you're sure it's what you want. But I think it could be a mistake to think he'll prove himself to be a gentleman. Odds are, he won't. Is it too far to go home under your own steam?

purestcocoa Wed 31-Jul-13 20:07:18

Djang- I am trying to work on getting another interest. I'm far too picky. I am working on being open minded. Although that's how I ended up with my ex. So open mindedness might be a tad overrated.

Winefield- I have virtually cut out all junk and red meats. Except for cheat days. It's extremely boring. But I've noticed quick changes. I will have to get more inventive with my meals.

So how quickly do you tend to meet up with a potential?

JulietteMontague Wed 31-Jul-13 20:07:22

Mama I also think he is expecting hoping for some action. Can I ask why the date starts and finishes at his place? it is only the second date so although that would be fine if it just happened it does seem a bit overplanned.

Lubey so pleased for you! grin

Welcome Purest

DadfromUncle Wed 31-Jul-13 20:10:11

Bah another one - monosyllabic. Why do I suspect I am actually getting messages written by her giggling kid(s) who have logged on without her knowing? I am going to "let the word turn" a bit before replying.

OhWesternWind Wed 31-Jul-13 20:10:56

Pure once you've established you might have something in common and he's not got any glaringly obvious red flags, then as soon as possible. No point dragging out the messaging, it's the real life connection (or lack of) that counts.

DadfromUncle Wed 31-Jul-13 20:13:41

BTW have just read easily the best profile ever on POF - it is a 67 YO lollipop lady who looks stunning (I'm not kidding).

Overtheraenbow Wed 31-Jul-13 20:15:19

Joined OKC LAST NIGHT : phew that was exhausting. But hopped back into POF as the questions were stressing me out!!
Anyway got 'chatted up' by a very youn guy ( I td him I had clothes older than him!!) and chatted to a new one on there with no pic; I normally don't engage if they don't have a pic ( what have they got to hide: fugly / wife etc) he offered to text me one but I don't want a pic of some random bloke -- or his knob-- so I think I'll wait....... grin
I also got the same long angsty message from a guy who sent it once before ( I ignored it then) he obviously just copies and pastes it ..... Er that's gonna work.

Good to hear some success stories here ... Giving us saddo's some hope!!

Bant Wed 31-Jul-13 20:17:30

purest I'd say one to two weeks from first contact, if situations allow (babysitters etc)

One week minimum lets you check for red flags and find out if he's funny/nice or dull. More than two weeks and you're in danger of getting attached to someone where there is just no spark, or he's just stringing people along for some weird ego trip

OhWesternWind Wed 31-Jul-13 20:18:13

Is this the same monosyllabic woman Dad or do you have a whole string of 'em?

Shortest song I know

Overtheraenbow Wed 31-Jul-13 20:20:59

dad some women on POF are monosyllabic because they are sizing you up, there's a lot of weirdos on there! You have to sort the chaff from the wheat!!
I usually just ask are you married or a weirdo? Not sure it will work if they are, but its a talking point and if I ever found out they were ( and lots aren't ) then they can't say I didn't ask!!

OhWesternWind Wed 31-Jul-13 20:24:43

See Raen I'd either ignore or give chatting a fair go.

Have you contacted the lollipop lady Dad?

JulietteMontague Wed 31-Jul-13 20:25:00

Dad I would just ignore, I found it odd doing that at first but it's the only way otherwise they assume interest and it all becomes a bit tedious.

Over although you don't have to answer any questions, I found them really useful as the more you go for, the more likely it is you'll see good matches.

DadfromUncle Wed 31-Jul-13 20:25:06

OWW Sorry - I realised I didn't explain that very well - this is a new mono. I sent my best "unattractive old bloke being pretentious" reply (i.e. more than 3 words, including an (ironic) assertion that I was watching Peep Show on C4 for dating tips. I just got "LOL wot tips u get frm the peep show?" back. I think that's as far as that's going.

bigstrongmama Wed 31-Jul-13 20:27:04

OWW long drive home and can't drive if I have a drink, taxi would be annoyingly expensive (unless he turns out to be a total bastard, then bargain at any price I guess), also would be a pain to have to collect my car.

Juliette I cancelled our original second date where we were meeting nearer me and he was going to stay in a b and b (had to work) and this was the only time in the next two weeks we could meet, but has to be near him as he has to get up and go very early for something. I could drive home (did on first date), but suspect dating is easier with a drink... It is a bit overplanned, but we don't live very near so need a plan.

Dad - message the lollipop lady, she sounds fantastic!

DadfromUncle Wed 31-Jul-13 20:27:44

OWW Tried to send a "your profile is wonderful" - I do that sometimes (making it clear that I'm too far away/not interested/too old etc but think they are great) but she has blocked men under 60 (it does say she isn't interested in under 60s on her profile) Sadly she is too far away anyway.

Flipper934 Wed 31-Jul-13 20:29:48

Yep, I think Poshboy is a wazzock, too. I couldn't quite believe it when I mentioned that the school friend I had visiting was male, and he started quizzing me about whether his family were visiting as well, or whether we'd ever had a 'thing'! Jealous in the extreme, but at least he knows, I guess!

I have a Very Good Feeling at the moment, and I think it relates to this thread. I think lots of good things are about to happen, for those who aren't already in the middle of them....

You may not be surprised, Bant, to hear that I don't see your Good Thing involving Aruba, sorry.

Disclaimer: I haven't, and never have had, any psychic ability whatsoever. I'm just in a positive mood.

Winefiend Wed 31-Jul-13 20:31:51

Dad it is rather amusing to see that men are subjected to the same dross on POF as women grin

Just wait perched on the edge of your seat for your first 'wana fuk' message. That was one of my favourites, closely by the foot fetishist ('hi sexy toes' - my feet were not in any pics and my feet are repulsive).

DadfromUncle Wed 31-Jul-13 20:32:10

Overtheraenbow Would welcome the married/weirdo question, it would be like talking to Kirsty Walk compared with the recent crop.

DadfromUncle Wed 31-Jul-13 20:41:17

Dunno what I would say to the "wana f" message. It might be tempting having had no bedroom action since about 9 mths prior to birth of DC (who is now 5) but I still think it's a bit direct (apart from being highly unlikely). Just hoping I haven't used up all my goes quite yet.

OhWesternWind Wed 31-Jul-13 20:47:06

Oooh oooh Flipper I hope you're right!!! Haven't had any woo on this thread for ages - hope you're right! Actually, he's a double-decker chocolate-coated wazzock - narrow escape there I think.

Mama dating is definitely easier with two drinks. Three and it's me that gets easier ...

Wine "Wana fuk" actually written like that??? I take back everything I said earlier about spelling not mattering. Aargh.

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