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Just heard a great online dating story!

(23 Posts)
GetStuffezd Sat 27-Jul-13 17:22:03

Just had a catch up with an old mate on the phone - she's in her 50's and a great laugh! She's just told me about a disastrous PoF date she went on recently. Had to share (with permission!)

So, she met the chap in a pub and was already feeling a bit hmm as he was a good deal older than his picture suggested. He bought her a steak dinner but she said his conversation was dire - he kept rabbiting on about his bloody pet parrot. So, parrot talk, silence, parrot talk, silence, etc.
Eventually during pudding he started getting a bit inappropriate, telling her she had great thighs, he'd love to feel them, what did she like to do sexually, how high his sex drive was, etc. So she went to the loo and nipped out the back door.

That evening she got a phone call from a withheld number. No talking, just the unpleasant sounds of someone wanking. Instead of hanging up she just kept saying "Dave, I know it's you," etc. Still the noises went on. Then she said there was this massive parrot squawk followed by an angry "shuddup man!" from Mr. Pervo grin and he quickly hung up.

I swear, I don't know why, but I PISSED myself at this! If anyone has a similar one, please share!

ImNotBloody14 Sat 27-Jul-13 17:25:04

grin and hmm

I am amused and grossed out in equal measures!

Cant believe he wanks infront of the parrot shock poor parrot grin

GetStuffezd Sat 27-Jul-13 17:27:14

She could be totally having me on, but it really cracked me up!

mynameisslimshady Sat 27-Jul-13 17:29:38

Oh my God that is hillarious and disturbing. Your poor friend had a very lucky escape.

I work for an online dating company, I can safely say I would never, ever try online dating, ever.

Ezio Sat 27-Jul-13 17:31:37

I hope thats true, its just set off a major sniggering fit that will all night grin

ImNotBloody14 Sat 27-Jul-13 17:35:17

even if it's not true it's very funny- I choose to believe it really happened. and that the parrot is being subjected to witnessing it sad grin

ThingummyBob Sat 27-Jul-13 17:37:49

I reckon its probably true, I escaped met a few dates on POF who had me shock followed by hmm followed by an eventual grin when re-telling the tales to my friends!

ImperialBlether Sat 27-Jul-13 18:55:53

Myname, do you know things we don't then? Are there many complaints?

mynameisslimshady Sat 27-Jul-13 19:14:49

Imperial I see an awful lot of messages. I think I just see things on a bigger scale really, so the one wanker who sends a weird message to you and you dismiss has probably sent the same weird message to 50 other people as well.

Also there are a lot of men who are so lovely to one woman talking about walks on the beach and smooshy romantic things to one person who are simultaniously messaging other people really lewd and filthy messages.

I also see a lot of men messaging something witty another woman has said, or maybe an opinion he disagreed with has been changed for the next woman, or if someone thinks something is funny it gets sent to lots of other people too. Don't get me wrong, there are some decent lovely blokes on the sites, but they are in the vast minority.

GetStuffezd Sat 27-Jul-13 19:25:54

What an interesting post, mynameisslimshady!

so the one wanker who sends a weird message to you and you dismiss has probably sent the same weird message to 50 other people as well.

I realised this thanks to MN when I mentioned receiving desperate messages on OKCupid from a married guy called Jim (I think) from Market Harborough. At least 4 other MNers popped up on the thread having received the same rubbish.
I was heartbroken; I thought I was SPECIAL! grin

ImperialBlether Sat 27-Jul-13 19:29:34

Oh I didn't realise you could (easily) see messages.

Aren't you tempted to get involved, eg if the girl thinks she's going to meet someone nice but you know he's messaging tons of other women with really filthy messages?

ImperialBlether Sat 27-Jul-13 19:30:11

Is that part of the job, to monitor messages?

GetStuffezd Sat 27-Jul-13 19:35:48

Imperial, I'm probably wrong, but aren't PMs sent through any website subject to scrutiny by the site's mods? Eg MN messages - I'd expect MNHQ could see them if needed?

Ezio Sat 27-Jul-13 19:39:29

Ha Stuffez, i remember loads of women slagging him off.

ImperialBlether Sat 27-Jul-13 19:42:01

I suppose so, GetStuffezd. I hadn't thought about it, I suppose. It's a bit unnerving, when you think about it!

I wouldn't mind a job like that! MyName, can you tell us more about what you do?

GetStuffezd Sat 27-Jul-13 19:45:00

It definitely is unnerving. However, I'm a crazy conspiracy theorist who believes it's highly likely all our phone calls, emailes, browsing history are regularly scrutinised by the authorities. grin

ImperialBlether Sat 27-Jul-13 19:54:07

Well, if they are, why don't they pick up on people browsing for nasty photos of children? I know the capability is there but I just can't see why really obvious searches aren't picked up, followed by a visit from the police.

GetStuffezd Sat 27-Jul-13 20:09:33

God only knows. Possibly because arresting these people would mean admitting they snoop on people's internet use which would cause uproar.

ImperialBlether Sat 27-Jul-13 20:13:52

But we know they have the right to do that. And they could just be going by keywords. Surely to god some are so obvious. The murderer of that little girl April Jones had search terms on his browser that should have attracted anybody's attention. I just don't get it at all.

mynameisslimshady Sat 27-Jul-13 20:24:59

I work in the admin side of things so I do monitor messages, but I don't monitor conversations if that makes sense, so don't worry there isn't someone sitting in an office with some popcorn waiting for the next update of your impending romance grin

I think as far as monitoring search terms goes, its very tricky, there should be something done about it, but I can't see what they can do that won't drive the people who have these images and sites further underground. There is always going to be a way for them to do it so is it better to have it so its easily searchable and then they are easily caught, or to have it hidden so its not so easy for them to get to?

Very tricky, and I think they should have thought more about it before letting the internet out into the public arena, they didn't seem to give it much thought beforehand and now its like shutting the stable door once the horse has bolted.

ImperialBlether Sat 27-Jul-13 20:44:03

I just can't see why, if someone's Googling something really awful which is also illegal, ie child rape, that that isn't flagged up and a visit paid. It just seems mad that that isn't happening. I know the internet is monitored for terrorist threats, which is fine by me, but if your child was assaulted or even killed and it turns out the guy's internet history shows a morbid interest in illegal sex, then you'd wonder why the hell that hadn't been picked up on. "You" as in the royal you, IYSWIM.

SlimShady, I would be whiling away many afternoons with their romantic conversations - I wouldn't be able to resist!

MadBusLady Sat 27-Jul-13 20:51:38

Awww man. When I read "great online dating story" I thought you meant it seriously and that I was going to have my cockles warmed. Instead I got wanking and a parrot grin

PeteCampbellsRecedingHairline Sat 27-Jul-13 20:52:40

I just had to explain to DH why I was shaking with laughter.

He said " I do worry about you lot on Mumsnet sometimes."smile

Parrot wanker. gringrin

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