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what to have safely packed away?

(108 Posts)
mouseymummy Thu 25-Jul-13 15:34:10

If you were advising someone who was planning to leave their husband/partner. What would you say were essential paperwork and other items to take?

2 children (soon to be 3) with a house in their name but husband refuses to leave or tries to leave with the baby, claiming she isn't reaponsable enough.

The elder child is 9 and is starting to be the one on the recieving end.

She's at her wits end but needs him to fuck up.

What should she pack away so if she needs to,.she can get away?

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 26-Jul-13 13:13:23

Please tell me if I'm way out of line here but are you from an Asian background?

Ujjayi Fri 26-Jul-13 13:14:28

Mouse I just wanted to offer my support. I am nowhere near Huddersfield but would be more than happy to call the police on your behalf - perhaps a more knowledgeable MNer could tell me if police would be ok with that?

You are feeling disconnected because of the horrendous stress you are under. Stay as calm as you can, focus on the baby - the one in your arms & the one inside.

Is he at home with you now? If not then go straight to the police station now with the little one. You will be doing the best for everyone. Don't worry about the money situation.

Cluffyflump Fri 26-Jul-13 13:21:49

I'm so worried for you sad
Could you fake a bleed so you need to get to the doctors and have an examination? Whilst there you can tell them what's going on and the police will make sure you get your DC back safe.
Ss will see it for what it is -a mother being proactive in keeping her children safe.
They won't take your DC away from you.

gingerchick Fri 26-Jul-13 13:22:52

If you were able to PM your address to one of us I for one would be happy to ring the police for you, I am so sorry you are going thru this I really do know what its like, I was lucky to get out even if you can get out without your baby the police will not leave her with a violent man, I had to leave my elder daughter but my ex was arrested and my daughter returned to me by the police, ss will be on your side trust me I have been terrified of them but they helped me tremendously, thinking of you, you're a very long way from me but I really wish I could help

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 26-Jul-13 13:23:15

I know you want to help but think the OP has to be very careful about communicating in writing. As her partner is already very violent and controlling I don't think she can afford to risk PM'ing or e-mailing in case he finds it. These dangerous men can kill if they think their victim is on the verge of leaving. Julie Beattie, the young mother of four burned to death this month in Walworth, was about to leave her violent partner, for example.

gingerchick Fri 26-Jul-13 13:27:41

I'm all too aware of that risk cogito but assumed OP could cover her tracks as she has done by posting obviously OP if you think its too much of a risk then don't do it, am just desperately trying to think of a way of getting you out because I have been there

turbochildren Fri 26-Jul-13 13:32:15

Seconding cluffy and gingerchick, ss will be on YOUR side in this, as they were in mine and many others. Please don't worry about that.
I'm sorry they were not more helpful at the jobcentre, a lot of people don't understand what it is like. Maybe 999 is the solution here?

BerkshireMum Fri 26-Jul-13 13:36:10

I don't know if you are in north or south Huddersfield, and I know you might not feel able to send an email, but I found this email address for Huddersfield police.

You might find it useful.

Cluffyflump Fri 26-Jul-13 13:40:04

I'm not going to pm you as I know when I get a pm, it show up in my email.
You said your H knows your on MN.
He could easily find this.
I really don't think you can afford to wait until your next mw appointment.
I'm sorry, I know you must be so scared of him and reporting this ect.
If you pm me I will call for help for you.
I would explain the situation and show them this thread.
Please don't let money be the reason you don't get help.
I assure you that you and your DC will not be left without food/nappies ect.

WhirlyByrd Fri 26-Jul-13 13:42:13

OP, if he knows your username, get this deleted - you can start another with a NC. If necessary, can you PM someone your details so they can pass them on to WA for you?

Charlesroi Fri 26-Jul-13 14:04:22

I'm sure everybody wants to help, but if you are going to PM someone make sure it's a long-established poster.
I don't know if this helps but Vodafone let you call Women's Aid for free. You can also call for free from any public phone box.
Is there anyone you can confide in? Neighbour, friend, GP?

I really do think your best bet is to walk in to a police station. Good luck.

Livvylongpants Fri 26-Jul-13 16:21:02

Hi OP, Just want to check you are ok today? I'm sorry you were un able to get help when you went to the job centre. How awful of them not to help you sad Though I know a lot of people don't understand.

Please phone 999. I promise they will help you. they will not take your children away. Don't worry about money all that can be sorted out later. I'm worried for you OP, if you see an opportunity to go, with or without a child please do it, the police will return them to you ((hugs))

mouseymummy Fri 26-Jul-13 20:12:50

Someone phoned police, he's gone.

Can't really post as eldest is back but whoever phoned... THANK YOU. Will post layer when kids asleep

turbochildren Fri 26-Jul-13 20:45:02

Oh, what good news! I'm so glad you are safe and well in your own home! All best wishes. Please don't hold back if the police ask for a statement from you, tell them everything! It will help you and your children to be free an safe! flowers
I could cry with relief, been so worried about you.

gingerchick Fri 26-Jul-13 20:47:10

Oh sweetheart I'm so glad he's gone, just be careful they don't tend to go without a fight usually, you'll need a non molestation order to keep him away from you
Thinking about you and your girls xx

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Fri 26-Jul-13 20:53:16

Oh, thsnk God.

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Fri 26-Jul-13 20:53:46


Cluffyflump Fri 26-Jul-13 21:14:17

I've not been able to think of anything else all day.
I'm so glad you're safe.

Ujjayi Fri 26-Jul-13 21:17:58

So glad that you're safe. Have you been offered any support? Do you have someone who can be with you for a few days?

OP try & get some rest and keep posting here.

WeGotTheKrunk Fri 26-Jul-13 21:26:10

That's great news. Glad to hear it. All the same keep your phone nearby just in case he shows up & you need to call for help. But so glad to hear he's gone. You're free now. Thinking of you thanks xx

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 26-Jul-13 21:28:01

I'm glad you're free of him but please stay vigilant, get friends around you, keep your phone handy and call the police if anything at all seems wrong. People he knows following you, for example.

mothersapron Fri 26-Jul-13 21:30:40

That is the best news Mousey flowers

PartyFops Fri 26-Jul-13 21:48:32

Good News OP, thinking of you.

If you are in social housing and need advice PM me. I am a housing officer.

BerkshireMum Fri 26-Jul-13 22:02:59

So, so happy the message got through.

Take care - hope you sleep well tonight

Marmotte3 Fri 26-Jul-13 23:47:32

Really relieved for you, please continue to reach out for help, for you and your DC.

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