Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

what to have safely packed away?

(108 Posts)
mouseymummy Thu 25-Jul-13 15:34:10

If you were advising someone who was planning to leave their husband/partner. What would you say were essential paperwork and other items to take?

2 children (soon to be 3) with a house in their name but husband refuses to leave or tries to leave with the baby, claiming she isn't reaponsable enough.

The elder child is 9 and is starting to be the one on the recieving end.

She's at her wits end but needs him to fuck up.

What should she pack away so if she needs to,.she can get away?

mouseymummy Thu 25-Jul-13 21:41:41

Baby woke up so I'm upstairs.

Hoping I can do this without him finding out. I always delete my history as my phone crashes without my doing so. He knows so doesn't check any more.

I just hope he's not planning on having ne followed again. He did it a few weeks back because I added my younger brothers boyfriend on fb.

I'm so used to this now its like normal life. It's just him turning on my eldest over the last month or so has made me realise. He's not hit her but has threatened her.and told her he will kick her out after she 'stole' (she snuck downstairs and got her own watch to try to take it on a school trip... She's nine and pushing the boundaries, its normal behaviour FGS but he classes it as stealing)

mouseymummy Thu 25-Jul-13 21:43:07

I'll make sure I.log out before I go back down to make sure

BerkshireMum Thu 25-Jul-13 21:46:58

Really worried about you OP. You need to get to a safe place and call the police instead of going to the Job Centre tomorrow. You could show them this thread. Take care.

If no-one in RL knows, consider sending one of us a PM with your name and address so we can intervene if you go quiet for too long or ask for help.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 25-Jul-13 21:48:43

When you go to the police, tell them he's threatening your DD and that he had you followed as well as the fractures and having your baby held as a hostage.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 25-Jul-13 21:49:41

I'm also very worried about your safety.

itsallaboutyoubaby Thu 25-Jul-13 21:56:07

Can't one of us call the police for you now? I'm really worried about you leaving the baby with him.

itsallaboutyoubaby Thu 25-Jul-13 21:56:32

(and obviously very worried about your safety, OP)

Tiredtrout Thu 25-Jul-13 22:10:39

Please just walk into a police station when you are out tomorrow, if you phone they can put off seeing you but if you walk in and explain to the counter staff what is happening they will help you there and then

OldernotWiser47 Thu 25-Jul-13 22:31:07

Op, can you tell us where you are? Maybe someone can help. I f.e. work in a very public place easily accessed with children, and would be professionally obliged to help (not police), and have the resources. I am in Kent.
I'm sure others would offer.
I don't often post, but please, please tell someone- GP, health visitor, midwife, police- all of these are in a position to help and are accessible to you.
You could get a note to the midwife asking to be seen on your own?
Protect your daughter!

foolonthehill Fri 26-Jul-13 00:19:24

Police ASAP and in person...they can get you straight to a refuge, they can go to help you get stuff from the house (it'll be quick so know where things are), they can take your children back from your H. they will cntact DV services and start the ball rolling for any legal orders. You will c
qualify for legal aid as you were seen at the hospital with injuries

Don't make any preparations except in your mind...he will probably spot them and you are in enough danger already.

delete everything.

Women's aid is free from a BT line and won;t show up on a bill, but it sounds like he's never leaving you alone to make that call

foolonthehill Fri 26-Jul-13 00:20:36

NB Nobody should PM this poster unless she says it is safe as if an alert goes into her email inbox he may see it.

WeGotTheKrunk Fri 26-Jul-13 09:09:02

Thinking of you whatever you decide to do today OP. Hoping to read later on that you & children have managed to get away. Wishing you all the best xx

turbochildren Fri 26-Jul-13 09:25:18

Hello Mouse, hope you are ok. When you speak to police /health visitor/anyone do mention that he is threatening to kick your daughter. He'll be in no position to keep any of the children! It's something he says to keep you in "your place". Luckily he dosn't have much of a leg to stand on.
Keep on posting when you can. Will follow your thread. If you get away and need things and am in South East, can bring stuff for you.

mouseymummy Fri 26-Jul-13 09:52:55

Thank you all, I'm no where near the SE, unfortunately. About to set off for job center now. Must do that because if I don't, u will have no money and no food next week. Even if I manage to get to the police today, I can't afford not to have anything.

Just hoping I'm not followed again. I don't think he will as o can't think of anything I've done to make him need to.

Had massive row this morning because there is a reciept missing, mustn't gave picked it up by accident.

JulieMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 26-Jul-13 09:54:01

Hi, Mouse.

We just want to second all of the advice that you've been given here. We have a list of places that you can contact for help here

Wishing you all the best.


mouseymummy Fri 26-Jul-13 09:56:06

Have no choice but to leave baby with him. If I offer to take her with he will think somethings up and will hurt me. I can't risk him hurting me, baby or unborn baby. He will, if I push him.

rescoonetwothree Fri 26-Jul-13 09:58:45

Speak to someone at the job centre if you're going alone - they will help you I'm sure

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 26-Jul-13 10:07:25

Who follows you? Him?

turbochildren Fri 26-Jul-13 10:13:06

Don't feel bad that he is not giving you a choice, you are doing your very best for you and the children. He will not be allowed to keep any of the children, they will be with you. I've read before that Mn thread can be used as your diary? Is the jobcentre close to town and other offices?
YOu are not allowed to take your child with you, and he will hurt you if he thinks you are not complying with him. Tell the police that, they should want to press charges, together with your documented hospital trip.
As you say, don't risk him hurting you, but please remember it is not you pushing him, he decides to do this to keep you under his thumb. It is him who is doing wrong to you.

OldernotWiser47 Fri 26-Jul-13 11:24:19

Keep safe. Prepare. There will come a chance. I think you said you're pregnant currently- please speak to your midwife. There are regulations how they have to deal with these things.
Does he accompany you to all antenatal appointments?

BerkshireMum Fri 26-Jul-13 12:18:51

Where are you Mouse? There will be a mumsnetter near you wherever you are. Please don't worry about even the money today. You will get help in these circumstances. Get to speak to a police officer somewhere. Show them this thread if you don't know where or how to start.

mouseymummy Fri 26-Jul-13 13:00:53

He gets his weird friends to follow me.

He made me get a lift there and back so I had no chance to get away. I spoke to the jc advisor and she just said "if its that bad then call 999"

I'm back home and have my baby in my arms. I need to get us away.

Need to think. Eldest comes home tonight.

Baby asleep and I'm too tired. It's really hot here.

Next time I'm gonna be out is Wednesday when I go do the shop (its when we get money from jc) but he might come with me.

If I phone police for him threatening my eldest, will ss get involved? My kids are all I have. I can't loose them.

mouseymummy Fri 26-Jul-13 13:04:19

Older, I've got a mw appt coming up in the next 2 weeks. If u don't get chance before, I shall mention it to her. Hoping I'm not here til then though.

Berkshire, I'm in huddersfield.

Sorry I'm not replying to all. Thank you though.

Feel really disjointed.. like I'm not really me iyswim

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 26-Jul-13 13:08:20

"If I phone police for him threatening my eldest, will ss get involved? My kids are all I have. I can't loose them."

SS will get involved but that's a good thing for you. By reporting him to the police & protecting your children from a violent man, that makes you a good mother. The police and SS should then help you keep them safe

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 26-Jul-13 13:12:13

"He gets his weird friends to follow me."

You should also name these people to the police if you know who they are. They are abetting a criminal

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now