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dp always busy in the evening but when I am he pouts

(101 Posts)
tygertygerburningbright Mon 22-Jul-13 18:44:08

Dp plays football five nights a week. He doesn't play on Wednesdays, but that is the one night every week that ds is with his dad so I have a chance to get out of the house and catch up with my friends.

Obviously I don't go out every Wednesday because mostly I want to see dp as I only see him for about an hour after football before I have to go to bed.

However, some weeks I want to go out with my friends or see a film or something with them. Dp has just joined his fifth football team so now most nights he has double training sessions as well as daytime matches on the weekends. I do not begrudge him his hobby at all, and would not dream of asking him to stop.

But when I mention I am going out on Wednesday so won't see him he kind of pouts and seems grumpy like im choosing not to see him.

It is unlucky that things are arranged thus way. I don't even know why I posted this really, there's no solution really. He just left for football after a conversation about this and I feel sad sad

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Mon 22-Jul-13 19:24:25

So he does what he wants when he wants and you skivvy for him and he expects you to always be available for dinner and a shag if he can fit you into his busy schedule? You have to be available on the one night he can spare because he won't give up any night he's doing something he likes? You just have to do it?

get yourself a really really good mirror and hold it up to yourself and see if you can see anything that looks at all like this

FryOneFatManic Mon 22-Jul-13 19:24:45

It's not just the 5 nights a week, is it?, There's the weekend matches too......

It looks to me as if you are just a convenience for him. As you are not living together I suggest you start by refusing to wash his kit.

Casmama Mon 22-Jul-13 19:25:49

What do you get out if this relationship OP and how long have you been together?

CaptainSweatPants Mon 22-Jul-13 19:26:25

Is he like a dad to your ds? Does he take part in family life at weekends?
Do you go out together when ds is with his dad?
What do you love about him?

Fairenuff Mon 22-Jul-13 19:26:47

Why do you do his washing if he doesn't live with you?

tygertygerburningbright Mon 22-Jul-13 19:31:21

He spends a lot of time here so I do his washing etc because it's all here so I might as well.. I honestly have no problem doing it, he doesn't ask me to and is always grateful.

He is amazing with my ds, and in every other way I couldn't ask for a better partner. He is very kind and thoughtful and lovely in every way. My only complaint is how much he plays football! But he has played at this level since he was about fourteen I think, he apparently had a chance at becoming a pro but he had a knee injury etc. It is z huge part of his life.

tygertygerburningbright Mon 22-Jul-13 19:32:46

Captainsweatpants, yes we do go out together when ds is not here. Every other weekend he is with his dad so me and dp spend time together then.

Fairenuff Mon 22-Jul-13 19:33:02

Of course he is lovely, why wouldn't he be? He has you doing everything for him. The only time he is not lovely is when he isn't getting his own way.

Twinklestein Mon 22-Jul-13 19:38:23

He's lovely when he's there, but he's not most of the time...

It wouldn't even occur to me to do this guy's washing.

YouStayClassySanDiego Mon 22-Jul-13 19:38:42

I have a football mad house.

I have never known any man train 5 nights a week, that is just bizarre!

Is this Power league 5 a side stuff or training for the forthcoming season?

FunLovinBunster Mon 22-Jul-13 19:44:21

Do you wash his kit?
**Spray inside of top with Deep Heat.
**And the groin of the shorts with a fresh, cut Scotch Bonnet chilli.
He'll learn.

DontmindifIdo Mon 22-Jul-13 19:46:58

God, I've lived with DH for years and I've never washed his kit (and he's played sport to a high level for the whole time I've known him).

stop cleaning, cooking and offering the services of a domestic help. If he's not living with you then you are just dating still - lets keep some romance at this stage! oh and go out every Wednesday, if he wants to see you, he'll have to put some effort in.

Notmadeofrib Mon 22-Jul-13 19:48:14

you are living in HIS life, you don't have a life together. He does exactly what he wants and you go along with it. That is not a relationship that is someone that will let you hang around with them, when it suits them.

I'm sorry OP, but you need a reality check. My husband and I do loads separately, but we agree stuff with each other first and make time for each other at the compromise of other things on occasion

QuintessentialOldDear Mon 22-Jul-13 19:50:04

Hang on, I can barely read your OP, there is a big sign in the way saying "MEGA MUG".

DameFanny Mon 22-Jul-13 19:50:58

What dontmind said.

What does he do for an actual living? And how old is he?

QuintessentialOldDear Mon 22-Jul-13 19:53:49

He is so kind an thoughtful that you only see him one hour a day, and in this time, you manage to launder his kit....

Sorry darling, you dont have a relationship. You provide sex and laundry services.

tygertygerburningbright Mon 22-Jul-13 19:54:16

Youstayclassy, I honestly don't know exactly who he plays for. One night a week it's some sort of sll stars five a side thing, then I think one is a local pubs team and the rest are local county teams. He gets paid to play for some of them, or he used to and possibly will again with one of his new ones. It's all very complicated for me to follow..

Hmmm. I'm pondering the rest. He has never moved out of his mother's house before. Technically he hasn't now. I do sometimes wonder if part of my appeal to him is that I am self sufficient and live in a ready made home he can come to without having to really do any of the house stuff himself. Obviously he assures me this is not the case.

Ezio Mon 22-Jul-13 19:57:50

That apparently is the case.....

YouStayClassySanDiego Mon 22-Jul-13 19:59:58

He's selfish and only cares for himself however good he is with your ds.

Don't put up with this free loader taking the piss.

Presumably you don't see him much during the weekend either when he's playing the matches.

How long have you been seeing him?

Twinklestein Mon 22-Jul-13 20:03:27

Or not seeing him...wink

RandomMess Mon 22-Jul-13 20:04:01

If you're happy with this friend with benefits arrangement then that is fine however it doesn't have the making of a long term committed relationship. Unless it is one of doormat and selfish bloke!

Fairenuff Mon 22-Jul-13 20:04:03

I do sometimes wonder if part of my appeal to him is that I am self sufficient and live in a ready made home he can come to without having to really do any of the house stuff himself

Penny. Drops.

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 22-Jul-13 20:07:28

Sorry tyger but in his eyes you're just a convenience to him as well as being a doormat. He has it well made with you, he can yank that string and you just pootle along uncomplaining enabling his behaviour.

Where's your spine?.

You are just continuing where his mother left off but this time with you he gets sex as well. There is a word for a man like this one and that is cocklodger. These types often target single mums because these men think that such women would put up with any old crap.

This is no life and you need to raise your own bar on relationships markedly. He is also no decent role model to your DS either if he treats you with such contempt.

TalkativeJim Mon 22-Jul-13 20:09:19

'I do sometimes wonder if part of my appeal to him is that I am self sufficient and live in a ready made home he can come to without having to really do any of the house stuff himself'


Get rid, honestly. You really are being taken for a ride... and by a guy self-centred enough to not even realise he's onto a good thing and keep his mouth shut about your occasional nights out.

joanofarchitrave Mon 22-Jul-13 20:11:51

I have to say that I would regard a partner who is out five nights a week as the perfect man though seven nights a week would be even better.

I WOULD tell him not to rely on me washing his stuff (though I wouldn't mind putting his keks in with mine if the time suited me and by the time I'd shredded his kit or turned it pink a few times he'd be sorting his own anyway

I WOULD NOT stay in on a Wednesday and miss my friends.

If you like him, see him. But don't listen to carping and grousing.

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