Funeral

[twoteens]

My Lovely dad last week, and his funeral is this Thursday in our home town, I am just about holding it together. DD16 and dd 17 although upset have been a tower of strength.
My Partner who moved in with us two weeks ago has been a fantastic support too.
My DP only met my dad once as he lived miles away, my dp is coming to the funeral as will be a great support for me and dds.

The thing is dd has now told me that there dad is wanting to come which seeing as my dad helped us out yrs ago to set up our business and was a big support to us is fine he wants to show his respect, but knowing him he will want to sit next to dds in the church, I dont want him sitting with me and my sisters as the front.
my ex and I dont hate each other but I do feel nervous and intimated around him also ex will hate that dp is their to support us, we are travelling back to my home town Wed and staying with my mum (dp and dm were divorced) dd has told me that my ex might come to my home town on wed night I have said my mum or anyone cant put him up.
My family and friends dislike him.
I should be grieving for my lovely dad but am now worried about this, DDs do want their dad there, I have said too dds that their dad wont be sitting with us in the church.
And am I wrong to want DP next to me in the church for support, although this will get exs back up. or am I just worrying too much, Have put this here as cant cope with AIBU.

[twoteens]

df and dm were divorced

[JessicaBeatriceFletcher]

You are family. He isn't. You take priority.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

I'm very sorry for your loss. Bottom line is that you are all 'family' in some shape or form and you're all there to support each other. If your family don't like him you say 'he's there to pay his respects and he's there for the DDs'. Everyone should therefore be able to act maturely, set aside difference & bury whatever hatchets they are carrying for the duration of a service lasting - what - an hour tops? It's not a party. Where he sits is unimportant.

[CurlyFox]

I'm so sorry for you loss. It's not about him its about saying goodbye to your dad. And worrying about him isn't going to help how you are feeling right now. If he wants to come to the funeral he needs to sort out his own accommodation don't worry about that its not your job to find him somewhere to stay. Your Dp will be by your side he will have to sit elsewhere maybe the Dc's will tell him he won't be able to sit with family or the front rows are for family only?
Please try not to let this get to you especially at this sad time

[twoteens]

I Looking into this too much, I will tell ex that as there isnt room anywhere he will have book into a BB. and to sit with friends (they will for me) at the funeral and he can spend time with dds after.
He hasn't really made a great effort to see them in the past year anyway

[twoteens]

Thanks your right. I probely wont notice who is sitting where just want things to go smoothly, my head is not where it should be right now.

[rindercella]

I am so sorry for your loss twoteens.

Things will go smoothly. If you are really worried he may cause any problems in the church, or you are worried where he is going to be sitting, have a word with the funeral director and/or vicar. This is what I did after DH died - his ex expected to ride in the funeral cars with us and to be seated in the front row of the church. I had a quiet word, and the vicar and funeral director were both lovely to her, and directed her to a more suitable place in the church (just a couple of rows back).

Believe me, these people are experienced at dealing with family rifts in the most diplomatic and kind way.

Sometimes during a bereavement we focus on other stuff like this to stop us thinking about our loss as it's too painful to bear. xx

[Vivacia]

You'll have other things to focus on. I wouldn't pick this battle. Make sure your partner knows you want him by your side. Let your ex sit where he wants. If he chooses to be pushy and to sit with people who don't want him near, let him.

[mermaid101]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your father.

Do you have a mutual friend of yours and ExHusband who could sort of latch on to him on the day and make sure he sits where you would like him to? I have been given this "job" to do at a funeral. I was very happy to help and it was pretty straight forward.

I think the the Ex in question realized what was happening, but allowed himself to be "shepherded" about.

It took a weight off my friend's mind and let her focus on the funeral.

If not, I think the advice about getting the vicar/funeral directors to help is spot on.

[EBearhug]

I almost fell out with my sister over seating at the church, and when it came to it, I wondered why the hell I had cared that much, because the main thing was that everyone was there, and it didn't really matter where they sat, they were there.