Im I asking to much of my DH to expect to have sex more then twice a month? Yes he works hard and is out the house 7-7 5 days a week but aren't most people?! We have a lovely but naughty 2 year old that doesn't sleep great. But we do spend a lot of time chilling out at weekend.
He just doesn't seem interested in sex anymore. I have spoken to him but he just laughs it off. He has always been less bothered about sex then me but now in lucky if we do it once a month. And he never starts things off its always me. It would be nice just to feel wanted like he really does find me sexy still cos sometimes I just don't think he fancies me anymore!
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Relationships
How many times a week/month/year do you have sex??
26 replies
chilipeppers · 21/07/2013 21:30
OP posts:
Arisbottle ·
21/07/2013 21:40
We have sex most days, sometimes more than once a day, not surprisingly we have a house full of children. 
It is something that we both see as important and mis matched sex drives would be something of a deal breaker.
BerkshireMum ·
21/07/2013 21:57
Gosh, getting worried reading this. We're still only once every two to three MONTHS. Did go two years without at one point :-(
Our relationship is very affectionate - lots of hugs, kisses (proper snogs!) and cuddles, including in bed. It's just something that we stopped doing when I was preg with DC and we're both working to improve! It does matter more to me than him (I was his first and therefore - I hope! - only) whereas I had a very active sex life before we got together 
. It does matter though and, looking back, I wish we'd tackled it sooner.
Wishihadabs ·
21/07/2013 22:01
Very boriningly once or twice a week. Usually after 
.LLess than weekly and we both get--even more tetcy with each other.
nickymanchester ·
21/07/2013 23:09
Just a quick thought here - and I may be totally wrong.
He is obviously aware that you are unhappy and he may feel that you will only be satisfied with a real marathon session - I don't know know what those three times were like or if you would characterise them as marathons or quickies.
But, it may well be that, for whatever reason, he is wary of initiating sex because he feels that you will be expecting a real marathon session that he doesn't feel up to, or able to, provide.
There was a recent thread here about marathon sessions:-
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1807475-how-long-should-good-sex-take
It may well be that if you let him know that, sometimes, all you want is a quickie then he may feel less pressured to perform. Then, over time, you may be able to get him to increase his frequency as well as his length - of time.
.
Another thing to consider is that, although you are not having sex, he is probably still masturbating, at least weekly, while he is alone.
It can be really difficult to talk about subjects like this within a relationship and the default position is for the man to deny it. But, raising the subject in a VERY non-confrontational way can be a good opener into talking about frequency and your needs as well.
Even if it becomes as blunt as saying, look, the next time you want a wank just come and bend me over and give me a good seeing to instead.
Yes, I know that last sentence was extreme - and I wrote it to have an effect. But sometimes you do need to shock people into reevaluating things.
Another possible thing to think about is ED - erectile dysfunction. This can start to hit men in a mild form from the mid 30s onwards. It doesn't mean that he can't get it up, but that it's harder to keep it hard - if that makes sense. This can get men into a downwards spiral of worrying about their performance and being concerned if it isn't always rock hard.
Sex doesn't always have to mean PIV - or PI anything - and, if one partner is feeling pressured then saying upfront that you just want to, as my American friends would say, go to 2nd base or 3rd base then that can make things a lot more relaxed and help to remove any pressure that he might be feeling.
Don't forget, that if we don't feel massively turned on, or feel stressed about something, we can just lie back and think about the shopping list - men can't do that.
One final thing - I didn't realise how much I've written - and I may just be stating the obvious here. Alcohol and large meals don't do much to help men's libidos.
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therewearethen ·
22/07/2013 20:47
1-2 a month, I could have written your post (actually wrote something similar not long back) and I understand completely how you feel, unfortunately I don't have the answer 
It's one of the many reasons I've decided enoughs enough and I want out!
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