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Is this weird or am I too suspicious

(37 Posts)
SoSceptical Sat 20-Jul-13 08:39:46

A close female relation, lets call her Sarah is in a new relationship and it's setting off alarm bells. Am I being too suspicious when I can't see what could be going on that's dodgy.

Met guy in spring. He ran prominent local business. German national living in UK
They got engaged within three weeks
Announced wedding for July. When asked about haste everyone was told wedding had to be in July for business reasons
He is very flash with money, said they were looking at £1,000,000 houses locally.
Talked about buying Sarah a new car. Booked wedding dress, lots of staying in London to celebrate etc.
Wedding planned abroad, blessing planned for 5* hotel in London.
Suddenly announced his local business closing
Started looking for homes in london instead - new business venture planned there.
No family that he is in contact with/on speaking terms with
We are told he has operation due in Europe in a few months for long trm heart problem
We are told he has diabeties. Also problems which cause him to go to bed often. Attending local hospital for tests but Sarah is not allowed to go with him. He says his diabeties medicines are not working but Drs can't get combination right.
He moves in with Sarah's parents, sleeping in Sarah's old room.
We hear he has problems with lost passport and difficulties getting it replaced.
It emerges that previous business went bankrupt. Latest business closure sparks tales in local press of financial problems and unpaid suppliers/staff. He says business folded because staff were stealing from him.
House buying plans actually result in moving into rented flat in London.
While Sarah is at her parents he rings telling her he got called into hear recent test results (called into London hospital rather then hosp where tests were done). Test results suggest heart condition is considerably worse and he now has multiple cancers and is very seriously ill, passing out frequently and effectively in life threatening condition.
He tells Sarah he needs her to stay with parents while he processes bad news.
He is in their flat in London not having been admitted.
Wedding is now on hold until he is better although registry office wedding very soon has been suggested.

All of this has happen in about two months.
Am I being a cow? Why is this all making me prickly.

Bambi27 Sat 20-Jul-13 08:45:59

Hmmm I think if he hasn't married her and she hasn't given him any money I wouldn't worry to much (apart from how much her heart may get hurt!) but I would ensure she is careful about money/marriage as it does sound a little strange!!

cozietoesie Sat 20-Jul-13 08:46:55

Have she or her parents 'lent' him any money? (If you know - she may not have admitted it to you.)

joblot Sat 20-Jul-13 08:48:30

Yanbu. He sounds like a fantasist. Hopefully your relative will wake up and smell the coffee soon

WipsGlitter Sat 20-Jul-13 08:48:41

Very strange.

AKissIsNotAContract Sat 20-Jul-13 08:49:56

Sounds dodgy. Do Sarah or her parents have savings?

cozietoesie Sat 20-Jul-13 08:50:57

Actually, joblot he doesn't sound like a fantasist to me as much as a con artist.

MothershipG Sat 20-Jul-13 08:52:52

It's definitely weird and you are right to be suspicious.

Do you think Sarah would be receptive to a quite word or has she bought in to too much of this fantasy?

AttilaTheMeerkat Sat 20-Jul-13 08:58:24

So many red flags here with this man, he also sounds like a fantasist.

Has she herself made any checks into his background?. It all sounds very dodgy indeed.

Nothing is adding up here re this man, your relative needs to bail now before she is further sucked into his mad world.

arsenaltilidie Sat 20-Jul-13 09:01:37

SInce you guys know the business exists and stories in the local paper etc then it could be true about his business, but:

No family that he is in contact with/on speaking terms with
Attending local hospital for tests but Sarah is not allowed to go with him
he has problems with lost passport and difficulties getting it replaced

Are you sure he is not married or separated from his wife.

kalidanger Sat 20-Jul-13 09:06:27

I think he's shot his wad with 'multiple cancers' hmm I'm not a doctor (!) but multiple cancers metastasising would mean, unfortunately, that he's literally at deaths door. I don't wish to be ridiculously harsh but.... it's ridiculous.

What's Sarah saying and doing about all this?

Notcontent Sat 20-Jul-13 09:07:44

I agree that he sounds like a fantasist. There are people like that around.
A friend of mine was seeing someone who came up with stories about cancer,etc. and it was all made up.

SoSceptical Sat 20-Jul-13 09:11:37

Not just me then.

Sarah's parents probably have some money but no mor than about £20,000.
I would like to say they wouldn't be daft nd lend any but tbh they are more smitten with him than Sarah. They treat him like a film star.
They are all too deeply involved to hear any questions. I have tried like - 'why on earth is Sarah not allowed to visit her own home and why is she not allowed to any of the hospital appts' but apparently he is just too worried that he will find it too upsetting.

CookieDoughKid Sat 20-Jul-13 09:14:00

Could you try googling him to see what else you cCould find. Sounds very suspect to me.

SoSceptical Sat 20-Jul-13 09:15:55

Yes, I wondered about another partner at hospital but actuaally it is also odd that he has never been with her when taken ill, she truthfully only has his word for it when he says he is at the hospital or as been.

Also true about the multiple cancers. He has heart condition requiring surgery in October which is aporently deteriorating and four cancers and uncontolled diabeties yet hospital sent him home to an empty flat.

ChasedByBees Sat 20-Jul-13 09:23:21

And all of that in two months? Nope, don't believe that at all.

I wonder if you could speak with police on 101 and say you're concerned about fraud or misrepresentation? Minor sure that he's committed a crime though but he sounds like he's laying the foundations for a con.

ChasedByBees Sat 20-Jul-13 09:23:33

Minor = not

cozietoesie Sat 20-Jul-13 09:25:38

I'd lay strong odds on him having one or more other women on his string, married to him or not.

You say that her parents 'probably' have no more than about £20,000 ? If you think that, then it's probably more - and do they own their own house?

kalidanger Sat 20-Jul-13 09:25:41

God, I hope he is lying because that's awful grin

Are you brave enough to do an intervention on Sarah? Get a nice neat list of bullet-pointed bullshit and give her a talking to?

Fluffycloudland77 Sat 20-Jul-13 09:26:22

I think he's a fantasist, and that he has an ow who is living with him which is why sarah can't visit.

I worked with a diabetes consultant who said its funny how many brittle diabetics suddenly become controlled if you admit them and control their diet and meds....

WafflyVersatile Sat 20-Jul-13 09:29:55

dodgy as hell.

ImperialBlether Sat 20-Jul-13 09:34:25

When you say he's in their flat, is it rented or on a mortgage? Does she pay the rent/mortgage?

He sounds dodgy as hell to me. She would be able to check with Companies House, too.

mouldyironingboard Sat 20-Jul-13 09:40:02

Does Sarah have the address of his flat? If not, it's quite likely he's got at least one other partner/wife who he's lying to as well. He may have given a false name to Sarah so googling may not prove anything.

The only way to find out who this man really is will be by using a PI. Is this something you would consider doing?

patienceisvirtuous Sat 20-Jul-13 09:40:27

Walter Mitty.

SoSceptical Sat 20-Jul-13 09:47:33

The flat is theirs, rented literally about a week ago. Rented.

Sarah's parents do own their own home but I think/hope they would not borrow against it! Actually part of his 'charm' has been his flash lifestyle sadly so not sure how he could claim he needs financial help.

I should explain I am not really able to talk to Sarah.i am closest to Sarah's mother. I have tied to question things but she is wrapped up in it, sadly.

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