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I am a rubbish friend, and I miss my friends.

(9 Posts)
ItsAllGoingToBeFine Sat 20-Jul-13 08:31:51

Basically, wise mumsnetters I need your sage advice.

Last night I had a dream with all my old friends in, woke up with a start feeling depressed.

Basically, I am a shy person with low confidence. I do not make friends easily. When I do make friends though I think I am a good friend.

My problem is when people move on and I don't see them every day. Contact becomes very one-sided from their side, and then peters out -no doubt because they think I can't be arsed.

However the real reason I don't get in contact is I have this inbuilt thing about not wanting to bother people. My old friends are obviously all fine, I however am lonely and have no friends.

I still follow my old friends on Facebook. Would it be really desperate to reach out to them and apologise and tell them some of this and try and build bridges? I really miss them, and while I would like to try and build new friendships, I really value these old ones.

mrscumberbatch Sat 20-Jul-13 12:06:48

Go for it! You have nothing to lose by trying

bisley Sat 20-Jul-13 12:20:43

Go for it, I'm sure they'll be glad to hear from you. I have had the same worries in the past about thinking I'm bothering people if I try to arrange things with them, and a voice telling me they'd rather I just went away, they're just too polite to say anything directly.

I'm better at making the effort now, forced myself to ignore the feeling at first then it got easier.

DontmindifIdo Sat 20-Jul-13 12:24:21

Just drop a message along the lines of "Hi! Havent caught up with you for ages, do you fancy meeting up?" It doesn't need to be a big deal, you can explain it to them, but reach out without stressing too much about how you are going to say it. Good luck!

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Sun 21-Jul-13 01:24:55

Thanks all for the encouragement! I sent a pile of non needy, non deep messages earlier. Am currently negotiating a meet up with one, so thanks for the encouragement smile

MerryMarigold Sun 21-Jul-13 01:28:27

Did you move about a lot when you were younger? I did and I have this problem. Out of sight is out of mind for me. I miss them sometimes but it's not really a daily thing.

EBearhug Sun 21-Jul-13 13:22:13

I completely get the thing about not wanting to bother people. Recently, I was catching up with a friend and (quite out of character) admitted things hadn't been good lately, and it's good to hear from people. She said she doesn't tend to call me, as I'm always studying or out with a busy social life (she's a few hundred miles away these days.) I laughed hollowly to myself, as I don't have much social life at all, not locally.

But it did remind me communication is two way, as is maintenance of relationships, and it's down to me, too. I'm going up to stay next month.

I think if you're the type not to want to bother people, you're not the sort to become the needy, demanding, mememe type - but people do like to help and be of use where they can, so it's good to say, "I'd love to catch up," and make it happen. Which I know is far easier to say than do.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Sun 21-Jul-13 20:21:56

I'm so glad to know that I'm not the only one who struggles with all these social things! I'm hopefully meeting up with one of my lovely lovely friends tomorrow, and in contact with another.

Thanks again for holding my hand through this very trivial (for relationships!) problem.

Drhamsterstortoise Sun 21-Jul-13 20:27:18

Same here, have started to contact a few again.Isolated myself after having two kids and busy at work and making excuses all the time.Really nice being back in contact again.Starting to regain more confidence now and I realise that I am very sociable and enjoy others company alot.Go for it!You have nothing to lose

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