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I am a rubbish friend, and I miss my friends.

(5 Posts)
ItsAllGoingToBeFine Sat 20-Jul-13 08:31:51

Basically, wise mumsnetters I need your sage advice.

Last night I had a dream with all my old friends in, woke up with a start feeling depressed.

Basically, I am a shy person with low confidence. I do not make friends easily. When I do make friends though I think I am a good friend.

My problem is when people move on and I don't see them every day. Contact becomes very one-sided from their side, and then peters out -no doubt because they think I can't be arsed.

However the real reason I don't get in contact is I have this inbuilt thing about not wanting to bother people. My old friends are obviously all fine, I however am lonely and have no friends.

I still follow my old friends on Facebook. Would it be really desperate to reach out to them and apologise and tell them some of this and try and build bridges? I really miss them, and while I would like to try and build new friendships, I really value these old ones.

RoooneyMara Sat 20-Jul-13 08:40:01

Do it,. but only if you're going to keep it up.

I have similar issues to you and I have let a lot of people drift away. But I am happy like this - I find it too hard to keep up friendships, I'm very introverted. So I know if I get back in touch I'll drift away again and that seems unfair of me.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Sat 20-Jul-13 08:43:46

Rooney, that's a very good point. I will need to think this through properly.

I'm not sure I am introverted anymore. My personality has changed a lot since DD. I am more confident, and am beginning to realise a lot of my fears are unfounded.

Maybe, Ill just message to begin with and see if I can keep an FB conversation going before trying to progress to real life.

God I'm sad.

Chubfuddler Sat 20-Jul-13 08:44:34

I think you should get in touch too but I don't think you need to think of yourself as making a permanent commitment! Friendships ebb and flow and good ones can take a bit of distance. I would find seeing friends or phoning then daily absolutely suffocating.

My mum has a huge circle of friends from old school mates but they lost touch for decades in the middle of their lives - good thing none of them felt they couldn't get in touch because of the gap in the middle. They are a huge support to each other now the tough events of the 60s and 70s are happening - widowhood, divorces of their children, serious illnesses.

Matildathecat Sat 20-Jul-13 09:21:35

I've got a couple of old mates who sound a bit like you. After a few years of it always being me who suggests meeting up, which they always are really pleased to do, I have pretty much given up.

I'd be delighted to hear from them and there wouldn't be any awkwardness.

Go on...you can always say, god I know I'm terrible at keeping in touch but do you fancy a coffee? Or similar.

Friendships are precious. Treat with care!

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