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Advice needed have upset dearest friend

(8 Posts)
ZumbaZara Fri 19-Jul-13 08:39:59

I was washing up yesterday taps running. Best friends 17 year old son came up behind me and hugged me.
Nothing to do with her lovely man sized son, but he surprised me and the incident took me to a bad place. I went rigid and was upset,turned round and said in a shocked voice ' inappropriate'. Lovely boy had wandered off and fortunately didn't hear.
She didn't say anything but I could see I had really upset her. We are together as 2 families today. What shall I do?

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 19-Jul-13 08:42:04

You're going to have to explain to your friend what this 'bad place' was I think. Not chapter and verse, just enough to know that you have a problem with unexpected physical contact. She's your best friend.

ZumbaZara Fri 19-Jul-13 08:53:31

Thanks for that.
I have been running round and round in my head. Was it a bit clumsy and ill judged to come up behind me? I can't think what to say how to start. There are so many ways the converstion could go wrong and I am worried I won't to able to hold my feelings in check. Then I will cause more problems.

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 19-Jul-13 09:05:57

An affectionate 17yo boy dispensing hugs is a fairly clumsy thing, yes. 'You nearly gave me a heart attack!' might have been a nicer response, however. I'm assuming you've known your best friend's son for quite a long time?

What you say is something like - and I'm guessing - Sorry for how I reacted but I had a bad experience and unexpected physical contact really floors me, even now. I don't want to say any more than that because I find it upsetting. Would it really cause problems if you got emotional?

missbopeep Fri 19-Jul-13 09:31:03

What is the history behind the 'bad place'?

I think you should just say you over reacted and are sorry if it upset her- you see he might do this at home with her and no one thinks anything of it.

And why did it upset you so much anyway?

monikar Fri 19-Jul-13 10:07:50

Zumba I have a 17yo DD - she and her friends, both boys and girls are always hugging - to say hello, to say goodbye, if someone is a bit sad, when someone is happy, the list if endless. So to your friend's son, it was probably just because he counts you as his friend too, which is lovely.

I would go with Cogito's wording - and perhaps add in that you are sorry you over-reacted and hope that you can all put this behind you. Honesty is really the best policy here. Chances are your friend has had a chance overnight to reflect and maybe has already spoken to her DS about the incident so I expect it will go better than you expect.

Good luck.

Gruntfuttock Fri 19-Jul-13 10:36:00

You should have explained to your friend as soon as you saw she was upset. I don't know why you didn't as you're so close.

ZumbaZara Fri 19-Jul-13 12:22:42

I am not sure why I didn't say something. I was having a fight or flight moment. I just blurted something. He frightened me coming up behind me I din't hear him as the tap was running.

I have known her lovely lad a couple of years but this is the first time he has hugged me. Not sure what he is like with his friends but not especially huggy with his family.
Thanks guys, I think saying sorry that I over reacted is enough.

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