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Dating - The Thread. Come and Share Care and Cheer!

(1000 Posts)
AWarmFuzzyFuture Thu 18-Jul-13 21:04:39

The Rules

1. Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
6. They should be trying to impress you
7. If it's not fun, stop

Winefiend Sat 20-Jul-13 08:55:58

Morning all!

Nice work OWW, that sounds promising!

Nora hmmmm a big believer in cunnilingus you say? Perhaps the dormouse just needs a wee bit more prodding.

Last night I slept for ten hours, clearly I needed it. Just looked at me rash and it has faded rather significantly grin Clearly the past few weeks of work stuff has affected me more than I thought. Hurrah though! Today I will be mostly sunbathing to burn the rest of it off ajd building a wardrobe in preparation for the arrival of my lodger tomorrow grin

Have a good un folks.

ALittleStranger Sat 20-Jul-13 08:56:44

Broken if you're lurking, how are you doing?

lubeybooby Sat 20-Jul-13 08:56:55

Morning all <stumbles in with hangover but big grin> grin

We finally had THE conversation, directly and grownup-ly about the sex issue (the one we were meant to have in person last week but kept getting distracted by actual sex instead of talking about it)

It is the medication as I thought it may be and not a 'too much porn' thing.

That's great, I can work with/on that. Been there myself once with meds making it difficult and learned a few tricks. I told him that and asked if that scared him, or if I had permission to try a thing or two and that was met with a large grin, enthusiasm and trust so hooray for that grin

There were some very lovely tummy butterfly type moment of the conversation too when I was telling him how I feel about sex with him and just being around him in general and how it's all a bit unexpected but lovely, and I'm enjoying properly getting to know him because even though I knew him I actually knew not very much at all about him and yadda yadda and the reply to everything was 'me too!' and lots of lovely compliments and stuff. We seem to have a mutual appreciation going on in a big way. grin . I did think we did, but it's nice to have direct confirmation...

So we are only on err... date 5 or 6 technically but I've known him six years (as I said, slowest burner ever) and two of those dates were entire weekends grin but now I don't think things are happening, but know they are... what with the confirmation from him and waking up with a daft grin on my face

We are still going to take it a bit slowly though while we find out exactly what it is that's happening.

Winefiend Sat 20-Jul-13 09:00:14

Oh lubey that is bladdy marvellous grin. Isn't it funny how things sometimes seem to all fall together at once?

TheTitleSaysItAllReally Sat 20-Jul-13 09:09:09

Oh, that's lovely lubey! It's put a big grin on my face for you!

I thought Mr RL was a slow burner but it's only been about 3 months of mutual flirting...! I can't believe I didn't say or do anything last night now. I'm so cross with myself. Ah well, we have a day trip planned at a theme park with our children in a few weeks and then a night out he's coming on. Plus he's invited me to a works do in a few weeks. So if in all of that I can't get a snog at the very least then I think I shall give up!

lubeybooby Sat 20-Jul-13 09:15:43

Winefiend it is grin

and thanks, I still have my daft grin too. I like it grin

Kirstywirsty Sat 20-Jul-13 09:18:00

T could it be that he took your text as 'while you're away I'm going to see other people ' and Hess bit miffed??

porridgecarver Sat 20-Jul-13 09:40:57

Lubey grin sounds fab!!

Seasoned OD-ers, what is the deal with dating more than one person at a time, is it the norm until you both decide otherwise, or is it not?!

ponygirlcurtis Sat 20-Jul-13 10:02:20

Title that's a good way to forget all about Mr Arse, have a nice time with someone else! grin

And no phone-call last night. sad Yesterday I said 'let's talk on the phone tonight, he agreed, I gave him my mobile number, and he texted a couple of times in the day, then in the evening (although seemingly his kids weren't in bed till nearly 11pm!). No mention of the call. I am not saying it again, I have already suggested the call, I gave him my number - I am not being difficult to say 'it's up to him now' am I?

And I am still trying to secure a time for the alleged date tomorrow. He's given me no indication of times, but I have managed to secure a child-free afternoon. Then he asked if he could come through early evening. hmm Previously I would have said yes and tried to move heaven and earth to make it. But I said no, here are the times I am free.

Sigh. This isn't going to work is it? I am enjoying him texting me saying I'm his 'new favourite girl' but it's all words and no action.

OhWesternWind Sat 20-Jul-13 10:10:57

Lubey how very fab!!!

Title it all sounds good, stuff planned, he's invited you on a do, very good signs.

What's the news from our Foreign Correspondents?

Alpha is getting nicely flirty today and it's not even ten o'clock yet. Think he might have been waiting for a clear signal from me, and what I thought was obvious probably wasn't. I am a bit reticent with this type of stuff, find it very difficult to make a move if I'm not sure it's wanted. Had years of sexual rejection and withholding of sex and affection off Titto so I'm sure that's where it comes from. But I'm getting quite hopeful now about a bit of action before too long. Even getting tempted by an offer from the Weekend Builder but that would be a bad plan too.

T2710 Sat 20-Jul-13 10:16:34

Fabulous lubey!! grin

Porridge, this is my very issue. I think it's fair to date around initially but there comes a time it just seems a bit wrong in my mind, even if you're not 'exclusive'.

Pony, he does sound a bit all talk no action I'm afraid. Hope I'm wrong and he steps up.

Well, he replied, apologised for not getting in touch and re dating other said that he has replied to messages on pof (as have I recently) but no other dates. Said I kind of regretted mentioning but he said he thought it was good to be clear, then said 'why don't we just leave it open, of you want to, why not?' Which by its very definition is not clear. Hmm. Do now I need to reply. Going to remain aloof I think. I don't really have any intention of dating others but at the same time if there's guna be holiday sex for him maybe I should throw in a date to balance it out. Like has been sad, it's very early days and I'm not looking to be 'boyfriend/girlfriend' yet. Just likening getting to know him.

So, any suggestions for a reply which says yes I do like you but also remains aloof?

lubeybooby Sat 20-Jul-13 10:22:07

grin thanks all

ponygirl - it really shouldn't be that hard work and is unlikely to be worth your effort and angst even if he does eventually manage to sort a time out.

I'd rather spend my time and energy on someone capable. I refer you back to the rules, especially four and six

1. Develop a thick skin;
2. Do not invest emotionally too soon;
3. It's all BS until it actually happens;
4. Trust your gut instinct;
5. People vanishing, lying and being generally weird to you are not your fault
6. They should be trying to impress you
7. If it's not fun, stop

Snapespeare Sat 20-Jul-13 10:24:58

lubey! hooray!! smile

lubeybooby Sat 20-Jul-13 10:26:12

snape grin

ALittleStranger Sat 20-Jul-13 10:58:40

Porridge pre DTD it is definitely the norm to be multi-dating. After you've slept together it seems a bit murky to be dating other people she says hypocritcally. Some people will claim that until the exclusive talk has been had you can't assume anything, and there's a big dollop of truth in that, but I'm actually not persuaded that it is normal to be multi-shagging. Let's be honest, if someone is doing that they're not that keen.

ponygirlcurtis Sat 20-Jul-13 12:10:52

T - maybe you could say something like 'How about we do this on that date?' then it's just a suggestion, nothing too formal?

I know. I know. I am holding fire on all decisions about him until we have had a date if it ever comes about. But I am not feeling hopeful. It is fun, but it's also frustrating, and that's not fun.

OhWesternWind Sat 20-Jul-13 12:22:00

Pony this is really sounding like hard work. It is more complicated when you both have children but not this complicated!

Porridge I think you should do what feels right for you. I've overlapped a couple of time (pre-arranged first date with B crossing with second date with A, kind of thing) but I don't like it and prefer to actually see one at once although when I'm looking I always have a few at the messaging stage.

T leaving it open implies seeing other people - are you okay with that?

ponygirlcurtis Sat 20-Jul-13 12:33:17

This whole dating this is v new to me. I met my STBXH through eHarmony, but he was the only person I was messaging and the only one I had a date with so I have no concept of the overlapping/etiquette or how easy/difficult it should be!

T2710 Sat 20-Jul-13 12:35:53

Porridge, we are apparently seeing each other next mon (day after he gets home) which was arranged thurs (I.e. before weird Friday) and we've also booked this groupon class to do at some point.

I'm fine with 'leaving it open' short term and seeing how things are with us when he gets back, but ultimately I don't want us to be dating others-what's the point? I just have no idea why things are suddenly weird. Could it just be because he's off on a 'lads holiday' do you think?

Bant Sat 20-Jul-13 12:58:50

Ok, no need to go and buy hats. I put FrenchGirl in a taxi to the airport 10 minutes ago. We've had several days of tourism and sex. Both were good. She's said she's glad she found out the chemistry was there after all, but its not enough. She's never met anyone who makes her feel as safe and secure as I do, she knows I'd be a great husband and father, but she needs the butterflies, and she's not feeling them with me.

So, I've told her that its over, we're not going to be friends, as I've felt this way for years, as she knows, and I'm not going to stop feeling it. I want someone who feels the same way I feel, not someone who may at some point decide to be with me because I'm the best option available at the time. We talked about being FWB but I can't do that with her.

I said to call me only when she's had sleepless nights missing me and wants to move to Budapest or London to be with me. She cried when I put her in the taxi. I am now sitting at a terrace cafe drinking coffee and feeling a little bit like the world has stopped.

Still, second date with Aruba tomorrow night. Onwards and upwards, eh.

Winefiend Sat 20-Jul-13 13:04:30

Ah Bant that is painful stuff indeed. Still, at least you now have some sort of a full stop on things, rather than it dragging out forever more. Onwards and upwards indeed. You've definitely done the right thing.

OhWesternWind Sat 20-Jul-13 13:04:56

Oh Bant love, so sorry. You are doing the sensible thing but that can't have been at all easy, really admire you for having the strength to do that. Sending you a hug or a manly slap on the shoulder, whichever you'd prefer.

ALittleStranger Sat 20-Jul-13 13:05:35

Oh Bant I'm sorry. I think you were brave in be honest and open with her and are being eminently sensible about all this and the boundaries you've now put down. If she was my friend I'd give her a good talking to and ask her if she's holding out for something unrealistic. Has she ever felt the butterflies the way she thinks they feel?

Scattylatte Sat 20-Jul-13 13:06:04

Hi all
Its been a while since i posted but i read every day. I cant reference names v well as on mobile.
re weird behaviour. If you sense it, its there. The only thing to do is hold tight. Its hard though.
re reconstruction and bodies. Ive had a recon and im covered in scars. Ive never had any complaints and ive defo never met the perfect male body and it doesnt matter to me. Im healthy, fit and ive got a saggy arse!

well, im over my depression and enjoying new job. Still taking the AD's but think i come off them next month.
Still seeing fireman. We see each other about 3 times a week and talk every day. I feel we are very close. We dont talk about the future as in our relationship but we know we want to be together. This relationship has taken months to grow. He was on pof looking for an intimate encounter and various other websites seeking the same. He said he thought he wanted non commited fun, shag etc. So when we met i knew this plus he was bravado and a fireman so i assumed player and set my mind to have the non commital fun he said he wanted. When we started dating he didnt initiate sex for a long time despite my best efforts and his bravado muddying my senses. Turns out he was really nervous and worried that id be disappointed. So much so he had performance issues (resolved now).
I hadnt realised his bravado and chest puffing was just that. So this relationship has grown slowly and i have learned to sit back and let it happen and not worry. What will be will be.

My twat of an ex text me for sex last week. He also requested i bring a pair of my knickers....for him to wear. Thing is i have the hips of a german shot putter and he is a delicate thing with slim hips! I didnt answer.

TheTitleSaysItAllReally Sat 20-Jul-13 13:07:32

Oh bant I'm sad for you. But, its true - at least you are now able to draw a line under it and cease to think of it as a possibility.

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