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should i contact my ex?

(18 Posts)
Madlizzy Thu 18-Jul-13 12:13:16

The quote "The best revenge is to live well" is very, very true. Leave him in the past where he belongs.

Jan45 Thu 18-Jul-13 11:51:16

Don't drudge it all up again, you'd only be showing him you are still affected by his behaviour which you may be but he doesn't need to know that - let him live with his conscience, yours is clear.

foolonthehill Thu 18-Jul-13 10:43:18

I agree...leave well alone and thank your lucky stars he is gone...counselling would be good, and it takes very little to pull us back into bad patterns with abusers. You have unfinished business...but it's not with him, it is with yourself.

ImNotBloody14 Thu 18-Jul-13 10:40:09

If you contact him- even to tell him what a bastard he was you are giving him power again. You may deny it but you want your comtact to have a certain effect on him and i guarantee you the effect wont be what you want- this will not help you move on. This will be his behaviour once again affecting how you feel.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Thu 18-Jul-13 01:44:26

It probably is post traumatic stress, and seeing him again is a very logical trigger for that condition to flare up.

Don't write to him. Please do seek some counselling. You went through a lot, it was traumatic, of course there are scars.

WhiteBirdBlueSky Thu 18-Jul-13 01:42:04

I think the chances of your letter making him behave more positively in the future are slim.

The chances that contacting him will have negative consequences seems quite high.

I would not contact him.

SolidGoldBrass Thu 18-Jul-13 01:03:06

Do NOT contact him. Abusive men do not magically change into nice men. Abusive men hate women. If you contact him, he will start to hurt you again, just because you're there and because he can.

ImperialBlether Thu 18-Jul-13 00:50:25

Write the letter and burn it. Block him immediately. You need help getting over this man but you won't get it by communicating with him.

Solo Thu 18-Jul-13 00:18:15

Don't do it.
I second counselling. I too had an all round abusive exh who contacted me on fb. I didn't answer though I wanted to and then I heard he killed himself. I regressed right back to the abusive relationship I had with him.
I realise now that I was suffering PTSD from way back and hearing from him and then his suicide triggered loads of awful memories, dreams and feelings. I got 6 months counselling and am so much better now!

Block him and forget him, but get counselling.

kalidanger Wed 17-Jul-13 23:44:31

Have you considered counselling, OP? To order your thoughts about him. It sounds like you have a lovely life now but it was a traumatic experience and reactions to trauma, like grief, can be talked through smile

iloveweetos Wed 17-Jul-13 23:39:52

Agree with above. Don't message him. Block him and maybe write the letter and rip it up x he doesn't deserve to be a part of your life!

Chocomama1 Wed 17-Jul-13 23:27:22

He isnt eating me up but every now and again i will have a dream where he is being violent.its almost like post traumatic stress...thought if i confront him they might stop?

pictish Wed 17-Jul-13 23:20:01

I'd want to as well...but I wouldn't give that fucker the satisfaction of knowing that he was still eating me up 8 years later.
So no.

ImNotBloody14 Wed 17-Jul-13 23:18:07

Write hima brutally honest letter and the rip it up and burn it

kalidanger Wed 17-Jul-13 23:17:37

No no no. If he's still in your dreams that would suggest you're not over it at all. Do not bring him into your actual life.

kalidanger Wed 17-Jul-13 23:16:59

No no no. If he's still in your dreams that would suggest you're not over it at all. Do not bring him into your actual life.

VBisme Wed 17-Jul-13 23:16:23

I'd just block him on fb so you don't have to see him at all.

Chocomama1 Wed 17-Jul-13 23:13:54

From 1999 to 2005 i was in a bad relationship with my ex would was physically and emotionally abusive. I lost all my confidence...relationships with family and friends and i also lost alot of weight through stress and depression. I still to this day have nightmares about some of the things he did to me...8 years later. I am now in a happy relationship with a man that looks after me...i am a completely different person now and nothing he could do could ever intimidate me again. In my eyes he is pathetic.
I recently saw him pop up on facebook on a mutual friends profile
I really feel like writing to him and letting him know how disgusting his behaviour was and how i am no longer scared by him. Is it really worth it?
Yes i still have these dreams but i dont know why..i wake up feeling annoyed ive dreamt about him.

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